Gonna Try it Again and The Ambitions of Me.

I feel like my blogging mojo hasn't been quite up to par. Not sure why. One thing that is for sure is that I have been L-A-Z-Y with uploading pictures. Could be that pictures often give me topics for blogging. So anyway, I thought I'd put a little pressure on myself and participate in NaBloPoMo again. Amazingly, I kept up with it the first time. Not so sure how I'll do for June.

They were nice enough to give me a writing prompt for the day...

"When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?"

Um, well, hmmm. Not remembering any definite occupations that I wanted to pursue like being a teacher or a nurse-which my parents were. In fact, I definitely didn't want to be a nurse. Funny how that works, since I became a nurse.

The first thing that I can definitely remember wanting to be was a sister. Not as in a nun, but as in a sibling. Yep, I'm an only child. I wanted a brother or sister so badly. For years I was hoping for one. Finally by the time I hit my teens I figured out that wasn't going to happen. Eventually that desire turned into the more likely idea of being a mommy. But being a mommy seemed like an impossible wish as well. Guess I didn't have a lot of confidence in my ability to adequately care for another human being. Worried that I would never have everything in perfect order so that I could have a baby. Then I just decided to throw caution to the wind and had a couple of babies. Poor kids! Just kidding, our household is far from perfect but it's not all bad either.

Seems like at one point I wanted to be a singer. I can't sing-at.all. So I'm not sure where that came from. Maybe just my love of music?

When I was a little older I did want to be an author. I loved to write, still do. Now that I'm no longer working as a nurse, I tell myself that I really ought to start writing. But, I just don't think I have a novel in me. I love to read and always marvel at the characters and plots, how they all twist and turn and how it all sort of ends up intermingling and comes together. And while I may think I know it all, I really don't, so that sort of wipes out the idea of a non-fiction book.

So there you have it, the ambitions of what I wanted to "be". All in all though, I'm just "me".

Anyone else wanting to take on the June NaBloPoMo challenge with me?

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my list adventure...

i saw this on the gizmola's blog and thought it looked like fun. and just in time for my update coming soon on my first month of "65 in 365", which i'm afraid is going to be more nay's than yay's. so here's a list of things that i've done. i hope y'all will do this too. be sure to let me know in the comments so i can check your list. just copy and paste, then bold the things you've done! fun stuff!

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland (but only if disney world counts)

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty (no, but i have seen it in person)

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been inside an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Read the entire Bible

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life (well, participated in CPR that did bring the person back to life when the paramedics arrived. however, she didn't ultimately survive. and have gotten patients out of a nursing home and into the ambulance in time.)

90. Sat on a jury (did get called for jury duty, never had a chance to be picked, thankfully. a scary responsibility if you ask me.)

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

some random things i have done that are notable and not on the list...

1. have been at the bedside during the death of patients. some passed peacefully. some were failed efforts of CPR. all have greatly impacted me.

2. got married wearing "boyfriend jeans", actually my fiance or new husband's jeans.

3. had and beat a blood cancer, had a surgery of the heart lining in the process.

4. since i was little i have rescued atleast 25 cats/kittens, kept some, found homes for most, looking for homes for the last two of the most recent litter.

5. have seen a space shuttle launch from my yard and heard several "sonic booms" from the landings. they're scary if you don't know what it is, they shake the house!

6. been directly affected by hurricanes andrew, charley, frances, jeanne and wilma.

7. visited the historical home of a very distant relative, mark twain (samuel clemens), in connecticut.

8. visited lake mead and hoover dam, went to the bottom of the dam.

9. went parasailing.

10. saw a giant sea turtle laying eggs at the beach at night.

and what i have really missed out on...

more traveling, both in the US and in many other countries. i've not visited any country that is not in north america, unless you count the bahamas.

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my tale of hair, baldness and hair again...

i had recently attempted to leave a blog comment for someone who has battled cancer and in the process lost her hair, spent time being bald and now has come full circle back to having hair. my comment ended up too long to be accepted and i realized that it was actually a blog and caring bridge post in the making. in the past i have tried to keep my cancer related posts on my caring bridge page where it's a bit more appropriate. for some reason though, i really felt like i should share it here as well. i have been sharing bits of my experience here more often. if it is becoming unfitting or uncomfortable to you all, please let me know. cancer is an awful subject. one that does need to be talked about. this may not be the place and i understand that. if you would prefer that i keep it more to my caring bridge page, please let me know.

it may seem odd or even vain and inappropriate to some, that when faced with a serious illness and not knowing if you are going to live or die, that hair would be on the radar at all. let alone be a big deal at that time. maybe to others it isn't or wouldn't be. as i look back and even as i think about it now, it was a big deal to me. now i didn't carry on about it a lot, in fact i tried to be accepting and brave. there were times though that i lost that calm demeanor. after all, i am a girl.

not quite three years ago i was faced with the fact that i was going to lose my hair to chemotherapy. i knew it, and that it was unavoidable. i was prepared. mr. h and i picked out various head coverings and even a wig while i still had my hair. i was even able to laugh about it at times with my family and friends. they were all (and still are) very supportive of me. i was ready for it. or so i thought.

the day my hair started to really fall out, as in handfuls, i cried. i thought i would be ok with it. but reality is cruel sometimes. mr. h went ahead and shaved it off for me. how hard that must have been for him. but he did it so that i could be in control.

i had told the girls that this was going to happen. i tried to prepare them as best i could. we shaved my hair off while the girls were in school, thinking that would be the least traumatic way for them. looking back, that may not have been the best way. or maybe there really was no right way to prepare them for it. bethany was so upset, she cried a lot and needed to talk about it. kelley may have been too, but she kept it to herself out of respect for my feelings i believe, i admire her bravery. such strong little girls-they were only 6 and 7 1/2 at the time. bethany has beautiful natural curls...that she did not get from me. i told her that maybe God would let my hair grow back in beautiful curls like hers. well, that seemed to offer her even the tiniest bit of comfort. and for the next several months she prayed and prayed to God about that.

i didn't dare go to their school once i lost my hair. but her class found out that i had lost my hair. maybe she told them or maybe the teacher discussed it, i'm still not sure how they found out. they made fun of her, well no, they made fun of me. it broke her heart that the kids were so mean about her mommy. it broke my heart that children could be so mean to my baby and that i had caused her such anguish. she was sad and embarrassed. i didn't blame her as i felt the same way.

everywhere in public that we went while i had my head covering on, bethany would announce to anyone who listened-why i looked the way i did. around the house if i took off my covering because it was uncomfortable, she would ask me to put it back on and i always did. mr. h and kelley would tell her to not announce my cancer in public or to not ask me to cover up. but i thought it was ok. anyway to help her deal with it. mr. h would lovingly rub my head every day. he did this for months, every single day continuing when fuzz appeared and even until i had grown quite a bit of hair. he also shaved his hair off when he shaved mine. we were bald together. and throughout my growing-out process he made sure his hair was always cut shorter than mine.

during the second month of my chemotherapy, i had to have heart surgery. well surgery to cut a "window" into the lining around my heart to allow fluid to drain out. the cancer mass was compressing my heart and caused my heart to start drowning in fluid. as the tech rolled me into the operating suites he had to have me take off my head covering, it wasn't sterile. i was mortified at the thought of being taken anywhere bald. the guy was so nice, he went into the OR suites and came back with one of those blue surgical caps that looks like a paper shower cap. the type that all of the surgical employees wore. that way i would fit in and not be left with my baldness.

after chemotherapy was completed, my hair started growing back as patchy fuzz. it didn't look very promising. it had no color other than some sort of a very light metal shade. it took several tries with hair dye to first get it to take the color and then to find a color that didn't look ridiculous. i was finally satisfied when i got it to a dark brown. i got my first haircut six months after the first fuzz appeared. just a trim that transformed my uneven purposeless style into a "pixie" cut. with a bit of hair product and finger styling it actually looked like i wore my hair that way on purpose.

and my hair continued to grow. two things were interesting...it stopped growing in as that awful colorless metal shade and started growing in the same color i had dyed it-which was not my original color. and it came back curly! bethany was so thrilled that God had answered her prayers! i was too!

the picture in my profile was taken a really long time ago. i've not had it cut since the pixie trim. it is long! and curly! and so much better than what i started with. i do need to get it trimmed and reshaped sometime soon, i think.

what a journey it was. i have a hard time remembering what i looked like with no hair. though i took many quick glances in the mirror during my baldness. i didn't want to look, but i couldn't stop looking. we have a couple pictures of me during that time with a head covering on of some sort. and some early hair growth progress pictures that only show a portion of my head. but there are none of "me" bald. the wig never got worn much, once when i met some online friends for the first time and anytime we went somewhere that the girl's classmates and friends might see us all together. it was uncomfortable to wear especially during summer in florida.

i still remember waking up each morning after dreams of having a head full of hair, thinking that the baldness was nothing more than a bad dream. then reaching up and touching my head feeling nothing but baldness. realizing that it wasn't a bad dream after all. day after day. i thought it would never grow back. that regrowing my hair would be the worst post cancer problem-which it definitely wasn't by a long shot. now it seems that it grew back so quickly, though then it felt like an eternity. the experience of cancer has changed me forever. and the experience of baldness has also changed me forever.

i now cringe whenever someone says in response to a person's bad haircut or when a child cuts their own hair and the parent is mortified (which bethany did do as a preschooler)..."it's just hair, it'll grow back". yes it does grow back, but those words have a whole new meaning to me now.

my biggest post cancer fear? of course it's that my cancer will return...but i think it's the baldness that i am the most dreadful of. maybe that's vain of me. thinking back to not having my hair, my "crown", it was hard. regardless of how baby fine it was or the cowlicks or the way it was straight everywhere except for one spot in the back that insisted on waving, i missed it terribly. i regained my hair and was blessed with a greater degree of beauty and i am so very thankful for that. sometimes i start to get annoyed when it falls into my face or when i have a lot of tangles to brush out. at those times i give myself a good silent scolding, because i am so happy to have my hair back.

when i lost mine, both girls, but especially bethany, had their hair cut into much shorter styles. bethany's curls have since grown out and it is so very long and pretty. she isn't growing it out to keep it though, she is growing it out to donate to locks of love or another organization like that. i'm not sure how long hair needs to be for a donation, but when i take her to get hers cut-i may get that much needed trim and cut mine for a donation as well. we can do it together.

with all of this rambling about my hair, i probably owe you all a picture of it as it is now. i really, really don't like to be on that side of the camera. however, i will try to get a good picture of my hair to share sometime soon.

thank you all for allowing me to share my forlorn but in the end triumphant tale of my hair.

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me: the high school years

i got this idea from candi at tinycandi's blog and thought i'd do it too! i'll let you know ahead of time that you won't be hearing much about academics, that totally wasn't me. but i did attend 3 high schools in 4 years, had an illness take me out of school and was booted to boarding school for bad behavior! so...not your ordinary high school days. as a bonus i have a picture from back in the day, thanks to a friend on facebook.

9th grade, 1988-89:

though there's a lot of moving in my history, we were pretty static at this point and this was the 4th year of starting school with the same group. i was lucky enough to have one of my bestest friends, krissy, living on the same street.

after completing our individual school clothes shopping for the first year of high school, we sat down together and made our "4 week coordinated clothes calendar". between our own and each other's outfits, we were able to not repeat an outfit ourselves for the first 4 weeks, it helped that krissy also had an older sister that didn't mind sharing on occasion. we had it coordinated down to our shoes, accessories and purses. i can still remember what i wore on that first day, it was an uber cool outfit and it's one of a few things that i still have packed away...just because.

i had started playing the clarinet back in elementary school, i signed up for band. but i was never in the marching band. my dad was a football coach in another town and my friday nights during football season were spent with his team. not really doing anything but being in the way, and of course enjoying the football players.

i didn't have any serious boyfriend's during most of the year. a few silly little ones. i had some crushes, namely dad's football players and a senior who played the drums in band. towards the end of the year i did get asked out by two guys on the same day, that led to a bit of a conundrum. but one was older and drove. so you can guess who i chose. that was my first real romance and it didn't make it through the following summer break.

instead of boys, i really had a lot more fun with my friends. krissy and i had a class together that year for the only time. the last class of the day. the first teacher, well i don't know how he got the job as he wasn't much of a teacher. on test day he would walk around giving out test answers! i thought this was cool and easy. but not krissy. nope she was worried about how she was going to get into college because she wasn't learning anything. (this is why she is a gator alum and i'm not). that teacher got the boot, as did the one after that for showing the movie "helter skelter" in class during an admin review. the third teacher stuck.*

10th grade, 1989-1990

somehow early on in the year, krissy and i started to drift apart. also my dad was no longer coaching so that was gone from my life, too. and finally i quit the band. at that point i didn't see a reason to stay, i was bored and the cute drummer had graduated. life really had changed. i spent more time with my neighbor and friend, nick, who was a few years older than i and no longer in school. he was never one of my dad's favorites. and though he wasn't the best influence, he wasn't the worst either.

like i mentioned, academics was never a priority and my grades showed that. i spent a lot of time grounded. a lot. so i had to improvise. i became a manager for my school's football team so i'd be allowed out of the house and i babysat. both of these activities were allowed. but sometimes i would say i was babysitting and i was actually out with friends.

during one of these occasions i met my first true love. he was 17 to my 15 but had graduated high school and was awaiting enlistment into the navy. he turned 18 not too long after that. my parents were not at all pleased and prohibited us to date. well, i did what any girl would do-i started "babysitting" an awful lot. when that wasn't enough time i started sneaking out, on school nights. i barely managed to make it through the school day and often fell asleep. one fateful night i went to "babysit" and i just knew that i was going to get caught. i went anyway. it was a double date to dinner and a movie (when harry met sally). going home was scary but i did. and that was when my parents decided to ship me off to boarding school. i happened to know someone who'd attended one and recommended it to my parents. what they didn't know was that it was in the same area as the naval training center. ha!

it was thanksgiving weekend that i went to boarding school. (exactly 20 years ago this weekend). my roommate meg was awesome, we were two peas in a pod! we were both sort of "hippie chicks". i quickly got used to living with 20 other girls and the routines. really it wasn't that bad. in fact, it was a lot of fun! though it wasn't the answer to my grades, they still were what they were. i saw my boyfriend a couple times on mall trips. and once on the way back from leave my friend nick brought him and couple friends to the school. i had about 5 or so minutes before i got caught and a lot of "cafeteria hours" to work off for that infraction. but it was worth it.

while i was away, my parents had moved. at the end of the year i really wanted to stay put. but they had me come home. you can say they bribed me quite a bit. truth was that they really couldn't afford such a school. so home i went to a new town. all throughout this time my boyfriend still risked getting into trouble by coming to visit me. he called and wrote often. my parents finally figured out that maybe he wasn't a bad guy and that it was ok. we were ok. though i was bummed about the move, there were benefits...a pool, a car, and a 5 minute drive to the beach!

11th grade, 1990-1991

i fit in pretty well at the new school. i found my group of hippie friends. we ate lunch together under the "hippie tree". my nemesis class, chemistry, was right before lunch. we figured out quickly that i wasn't going to pass this class and my dad felt that the teacher wasn't a very good one, so he was ok with it, as much as he could be. so often times i would leave and pick us up lunch. and occasionally we'd just all leave for an afternoon at the beach. for some reason i'd come back for my last class of the day, history. my hair was beached out, i had sunblock and sand on me and the teacher never said a word. surprisingly i aced all of her tests and actually got A's in a couple classes. don't ask me how, i don't remember.

the weekends were always spent partying. usually someone's parents were away for the weekend so we'd always have a place to stay. my parents became more lenient and i enjoyed the freedom. i still had the same boyfriend, he would join me with my friends. all in all it was a good year. and that's all i can say about that. ;)

12th grade, 1991-1992

this year started out ok. i was in the program that had morning classes and then an afternoon job. i filed at a doctor's office. we started thinking about college. i didn't have the grades to go to a state university like i wanted. but i was interested in new england so my mom and i visited colleges in connecticut and i was accepted to one!!!

i was getting burnt out fast. i started calling out of work and skipping school. when my parents found out they were really disappointed. we talked about it and i told them how i was feeling. well, it turns out i had a pretty severe case of mono and panic attacks. that fall i started homeschooling, i had a teacher who came to the house every so often and a speaker box for the phone to attend "classes".

in the spring i was deemed well enough to return to school. but both problems still lingered, we just didn't know it at the time. so i escaped to the beach for a lot of the time. fortunately i was a senior and didn't need many credits. mostly just the rest of english and science, maybe an elective. i'll admit it, the prospect of me graduating on time was pretty touch and go. i didn't attend my prom and i'm glad about that, you can read about that here. in the end i did graduate and whoa! was my mom relieved! my illnesses still lingered so that meant that going away to college was no longer an option though.

ok so that's the highlights of what i remember of my high school years. looking back i had a lot of fun, even if it seemed stressful at the time. sadly, the first true love and i broke up within the year of my graduation. that was my fault totally, i guess i was just too immature. definitely one of my bigger mistakes in life...but it all works out in the end. oh, and my parents finally seemed to figure out that i really wasn't that bad-i was just a kid and being the only one i guess there was nothing to compare me too.

* the picture. this is 9th grade, the one class krissy and i had together. krissy is on the left, our friend marcy in the middle and me on the right. see that vest krissy is wearing? that one was mine and also so well loved that it's packed away for just because too!

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N is for notes about me

naps. i like them, a lot.

nachos. i like those too.

nurse. i am a nurse, or was a nurse. i guess i still am, just not currently working.

nice. i try hard to be nice, and when i fail at it i feel badly.

naartjie. used to be one of my favorite brands for girl's clothes, until my girls refused to wear them after too many kids told them the clothes looked like jammies. darn kids.

new york city. i visited with my mom a few years ago. i really love nyc. and if i wasn't a married mom i think i could live there.

nienie. a blogger that inspires me. a particular post i love was when her daughter got into trouble at school. nienie felt she had been punished enough at school and by feeling badly. so instead of more punishment she actually spent some extra fun time with her daughter. that's the type of mom i'd love to be.

nails. i used to bite my nails-yuck! i kicked the habit by wearing acrylic nails for a year or so and now my nails grow very nicely. and i try to keep my toenails painted.

nike. everyone should have a pair.

nerves. i have them and they are kind of frayed.

nervous nellie. probably why my nerves are frayed.

nag. is this a term of endearment? mr. h says i am one.

needles. they don't scare me much. except if they are going into my back, i would get woozy watching when they placed epidurals at work. a big reason of why i had the girls naturally.

novels. i like to read them and would love to write them.

nablopomo. a daily blogging challenge i'm taking, also why i you are seeing so much blogging babble from me this month.

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siblings...the best laid plans

do you have siblings? were you close with them while growing up? how about now?

me? i'm an only child. as a kid i hated it. it took me many, many hopeful years to realize that brothers and sisters just weren't going to happen. i still am sad about not having a sibling. it was lonely then and it is still lonely now.

being an only child certainly did come with benefits. there was only one of me, so things stretched a little further and i didn't go without. in fact, i usually ended up with the things i wanted. (there are a few things i didn't get that are now inside family jokes). i did get my dream car for my 16th birthday. fortunately my dream car was an old one and less expensive than other cars. if i had wanted a bmw or something like that, i would have been out of luck. my parents felt strongly about being able to send me to college. they both had to work their way through college on their own. had i chosen a traditional wedding, i'm really sure they would have made it a beautiful occasion. so it seems that when they decided to just have me, their life experiences played a big part in it. they wanted to offer me so much opportunity and they did. (thanks mom and dad i love you both so much!)

but at the other end i was the only one with which things were judged. meaning, my parents at a time, thought i was on "the highway to hell". i think that they now maybe realize i was just a normal kid/teen. they just had nothing to compare me against. and really i ended up turning out ok.

my friends all had siblings. and one of my bestest of friends was the middle of three daughters. ever have one of those friends that seemed perfect, the whole family seemed perfect, and you really wanted to be part of that family? yep, that's how i viewed them. i'm really lucky and happy that even now after all of these years, i'm in touch with all three sisters. i know they've had their bumps along the way. but to me they will always be the "perfect family".

fast forward to my family. i definitely wanted three kids, girls, that were fairly close in age. i admit it, i wanted my family to resemble the family of my friend. kelley and bethany are close in age (18 months apart). my hope for them was that they would be instant BFF's. i'll admit that even after all these years (the girls are almost 9 and 10 1/2) i have baby fever like there's been a rabid outbreak. however, having another is not likely to happen. mr. h is just not on board with that idea.

so back to siblings. kelley and bethany. close in age, both girls, the best of friends. right? no. wrong. at best this only lasted through the preschool age when they called each other "sissy" for sister. sometime after that it became a love/hate relationship which it remains to this day. we have issues that i never even dreamed of. not quite to the point of wearing each others clothes without permission, but we're getting there. right now the biggest quarrel involves friends. "but she was my friend first!". if i had a dollar for every time i've heard that...

i do anticipate (hope) that this will change next year. this will be the first time in four years that they will be attending different schools, different busses (and if they had their way, living in different states). we also are anticipating the possibility for them to have their own rooms in the coming future. yes, maybe this will all help.

remember the stories of our grandparents and great-grandparents "when i was your age, i had to walk ten miles to school, uphill, in snow, with hand me down shoes"? here it sounds more like "when i was your age, i didn't have a sister to play with and be friends with. it was lonely. when i played board games, i had to play the left hand against the right hand"!

*sigh* if only they realized how nice it could be to have each other...

My Stick Family from WiddlyTinks.com

p.s. remember "little baby girl" is only part of my dream family. no, i'm not trying to tell you all any news. =)

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M is for me

matt, liz and madeline. my favorite blog. i'm sure most of you already read it, but if not i encourage you to check it out. just click on the name.

mommy. i am one and i love it. sometimes i look at kelley and bethany and can not fathom that i helped create them. i'm so proud.

mammie. that is my mom. when the girls came along she became mammie. i am truly blessed to have my mom. i could write pages about her. just know that i love my mom so much and a girl always needs her mom.



macaroni and cheese. one of my favorite comfort foods.

manx. cats that do not have tails or full tails. two of my cats are manx. the breed is considered to be the most "dog like" of all cats. they are precious.

missionary. this is something i have always dreamed of doing. being a nurse, i could surely do something good for people. africa is my dream location.

mini boden. one of my favorite places to shop for kelley and bethany.

music. so important in my life. i love all types of music. and i always have a song in my head, like i have a personal radio station. often i have no clue why whatever song is playing, so i try to think about it and find a possible reason. usually i can.

medications. i take too many. way too many.

mean. i really dislike it when people are mean. and i get very upset with myself when i have been mean.

mustangs. my favorite car. my first car was a 1966 mustang that i named mr. furly. this picture is not mr. furly, but a pretty close twin. i also had a newer mustang until i had kids.



mood swings. i have them. sometimes they are really bad and i feel sorry for my family and friends who have to put up with them. i try hard to control them. it doesn't work too well.

marriage. is hard work. if i were to ever find myself single again, i think i would stay single. (speaking of marriage, about mr. h, you can read about him on my "c" post).

money. they say you can't buy happiness. but i do believe having plenty of money would make life a little less stressful and give it the potential to be more fun.

memes. i really like them. i love to learn about others and share who i am.

oops! forgot one...

michelle. my middle name.

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i've been tagged again to do another meme!

angel at emily makes three tagged me for this meme. it's a new one i haven't seen before.

here goes...

1- Name someone with the same birthday as you. ok this is easy and a cool one! i share my birthday with my daughter kelley, two friends stacy and stephanie and an angel shannon!

2- Where was your first kiss? it was at "black mountain" a big giant rock and the boy's name was steve.

3- Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? no, i have been pretty angry and have come up with devious plots that i never would actually do. vandalizing hasn't made the list.

4- Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? yes but i'm older and wiser now.

5- Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? no, well not since elementary school when we had christmas programs.

6- What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex? probably his smile, unless he happens to smell really good.

7- What really turns you on? hmmm...a few drinks and lots of laughter maybe?

8- What do you order at Starbucks? hot spiced apple cider or hot chocolate.

9- What is your biggest mistake? i'm going to keep that one to myself.

10- Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? no, not in the traditional sense, but i know some things are bad for me yet i don't give them up.

11- Say something totally random about yourself. i think i was born in the wrong era.

12- Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? in different pictures i've been told sophia loren, lindsay lohan and mia hamm. but never in real life.

13- Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? yes! i love tom and jerry and old scooby doo, the flintstones and the sitcoms from when i was growing up. plus a couple the girls watch like icarly, drake and josh, sponge bob and my fave-fairly odd parents.

14- Did you have braces? yes, for about a year and a half. but i had to wear some mouth contraption thing for several years before braces.

15- Are you comfortable with your height? yes.

16-What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? mr. h getting and decorating a christmas tree as a surprise on our first christmas together when we really couldn't afford it. maybe not romantic, but definitely made my heart skip a beat.

17- When do you know it's love? i wish i knew this answer, could have saved myself a lot of trouble.

18- Do you speak any other languages? no, but i should be fluent is spanish-i've lost it over the years and am not happy about it.

19- Have you ever been to a tanning salon? yes, and even had a friend who had her own. i haven't been tanning since cancer invaded my life though.

20- What magazines do you read? People, and whatever interests me at the moment.

21- Have you ever ridden in a limo? i think so, but i don't remember for sure.

22- Has anyone you were really close to passed away? yes, too many. =(

23- Do you watch MTV? not since i had kids, so it's been a really long time.

24- What's something that really annoys you? intolerance. i am completely intolerant of intolerance.

25- What's something you really like? wow! lots of things, i couldn't possibly list them all, a few would be music, pets and nice smells.

26- Do you like Michael Jackson? i really did back in the day. i still have his thriller album. i think he was very misunderstood in this life.

27- Can you dance? oh gosh no.

28- What's the latest you have ever stayed up? not for sure, well past 24 hours, maybe 36.

29- Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? yes. and have been sent from one hospital to another via ambulance too.

30- Do you actually read these when other people fill them out? yep! i love learning about people.

31- Tag 5 people! i won't actually tag anyone this time around cause i'm not sure who all has been tagged. if you have been tagged or decide to do this, let me know in a comment so i can check it out!

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L is for a little bit about me

lymphoma. been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

lazy. sometimes.

las vegas. i've never been there as an adult, but i have been as a kid. twice i won the jackpot on the nickel slots. my parents had to collect my winnings.

lumpia. is really good and i wish someone would make me some.

laundry. my downfall. seriously it never ends, it just keeps going on, my friends.

love. it's my everything.

los angeles. we visited there during one of our las vegas trips. pretty neat, got to see the hollywood sign and all. while touring the neighborhoods of the rich and famous, someome was having a big party and the valet tried to park us. we almost considered going just to see who's party it was.

learning. i'm pretty old now, but i learn something new everyday it seems.

lava lamp. i have one, but i'm not sure where it is...it may have gotten lost during one of our many moves.

letters. in the age of email and texting, nothing beats a hand written letter.

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notice anything different?

have you noticed my new blog template? whatcha think? i have to admit it was a hella lot of work. not so much adding the new template but saving all of my buttons manually and then adding them back one by one in a particular order.

i really did like my cheerful "be a hip chick" birdie. i got tired of looking at it though. so bright and colorful and well...cheery. and it's just not me. atleast not right now.

this new look is more mellow and subdued. and it's closer to how i'm feeling these days. more classic than whimsical. atleast i think so.

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K is for knowledge about me

yep, remember these? i'm glad i finally did.

kittens. i adore them and have a few that need good homes.

ketchup. it's good on fries. but it is also kind of gross especially the smell.

kindergarten. my teacher was mrs. treen and she scared me. very old and strict.

kisses. i love all kisses-romantic kisses, kid kisses, puppy kisses, hershey kisses.

(the) kinks. my very first favorite band, i had my mom's greatest hits record.

k-swiss. favorite sneakers.

kitchen. i try really hard to keep mine clean at all times.

kumquats. i've eaten them right off the tree, not my favorite thing.

kids. always wanted three.

kelley. best birthday present ever. my sweet little lamb. she's not so little anymore, i can't believe she's 10 and the big fish in the small pond at school. she's a sweetheart. and a little walking encyclopedia. she loves science, nature and animals.

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by golly, i'm a bad blogger!

it never occurred to me until i went back and added labels to my posts that i never finished the A,B,C's of me. whoops! it's been forever and a day since i did them last. look for those coming up soon.

and not only am i forgetful but my gosh i'm lazy. i have so many pictures and stories that i haven't blogged yet.

i have been a bad blogger...again.

hopefully you'll be seeing a lot more of me soon. well, not literally but you know what i mean.

thankfully y'all are much more with it than i am, you keep me entertained!

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there are just not enough hours in the day!

seriously! there are so many things i want to do and there just is not enough time. (notice i didn't mention the things i need to do...well cause those types of things are not fun and therefore i'm totally cool with procrastinating and ignoring them...and yes this gets me into trouble.)

before i go on and share all of the things i try to squeeze into my days, i will share with you what my life used to be like. up before 5am. showered getting ready for work. two girls up, dressed, fed. belongings for the day collected and out of the neighborhood before the sun came up. drop girls off at school, and for two years that was two different schools. then arrive at work. spent the next gazillion hours working, working, working. a little, ok probably a lot of gabbing and snacking happened too. lunch eaten at the desk. at some point i was released from the work detail. picked up the girls and headed home. if it wasn't already dark, well that was a great day. homework help. throw together some sort of dinner for the girls-they are picky eaters so usually it was some sort of processed, easy to make, repetitive food jag, meal. bath and bed time for the girls. then collapse infront of the tv or computer. hoping that i would not get a call from work to tell me that i needed to come back at 11pm for another full shift. if not-crash into bed. rinse and repeat.

doesn't sound fun does it? it sucked. and all the while i would daydream about what it would be like if i was one of those lucky wives and moms who got to stay home. serving hot meals for breakfast, baking cookies, watching tv shows about those families with a gazillion perfectly behaved children, maybe watch some soaps or heck even oprah (actually, i don't know if i've ever watched oprah before-surely i must have), tending a garden, chaperoning on field trips and making cute little goodie bags for all of children during the school holiday parties.

and now i am one of those at home people. albeit a pretty crappy way to end up with such luck, but i digress...

so now with my new found time at home i am sure you are wondering what on earth i am wanting to do that there isn't enough time for. reading books-i have been plowing through them but there are just so many! magazines are stacking up. i'm so far behind on tv shows that i want to watch-thank goodness for complete series on dvd. (we may be the only household without DVR?) there are wii games to be played, nintendo ds games to be played, fabric to be sewed, craft projects to be created with the girls, cooking with the girls, photos to be taken on a camera that i just had to have-one that has more buttons and controls than a space shuttle, photo editing to learn, blogs to read, blogs to write, so on and so forth.

and then there's facebook...talk about a procrastination playground! i'm even falling behind on that. i've been tagged for so many of those question/answer thingies. word games to be played (hey they are good for recovering from chemo brain!), mice to catch, eggs to find, hatch and feed, and requests for all sorts of clubs to join, gifts to receive, save the rainforests, the oceans, the spotted owls. and, and, and...the whole point of why i'm on facebook? to keep connected with friends!

over the past several months i have taken vacations from message boards, thinking surely that was where my time has gone. my activity on ebay, much decreased. time spent at the many online stores that i love to shop at for my girls? nope not even spending a lot of time doing that. in fact, i made a vow to myself during a stain treating marathon that my obsession with dressing the girls was going to have to be curtailed...majorly. no longer replacing the wardrobes each season and selling the previous years clothing. nope, the girls are going to start wearing their clothes til they grow out of them. i will buy only when they truly need something (or if i happen to come across something that i, er, they just must have).

so where am i going wrong? i have turned off the computer completely for a day or two. but my word! when you turn it back on-talk about being behind! you my cyber friends-are busy, busy people! i guess i could sleep less. but if you've kept up with me on facebook then you know that lately i appear to have an increased need for my beauty rest. as i briefly hinted in the beginning, i slack on some of my more responsible duties, so there's not much more i can do there. (bad me!).

i try to multi-task already...several computer windows open at a time. being a guitar hero while goodies are baking. books and magazines in the bathroom-or sometimes completely ignoring the urge until it's an absolute "oh my gosh-can i make it in time" moment. (oh come on you know you do it too!). but i absolutely, positively have to draw the line in the sand that i will not, can not cross...no computer in the bathroom. that's just wrong!

so, that's that. as i try to figure out how to squeeze in more...i'm left to wonder if maybe i'm just a little too ambitious?

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getting back into the groove

i have been a terribly irresponsible blogger. keeping up with my bloggy friends is a favorite part of my day. i'm so happy that y'all haven't caught the "bad blogger bug" that struck me.

hoping everyone had a fabulous bunch of holidays! we had a great christmas! spent lots of time with family and indulged in all sorts of yummy treats. i was a wee bit nervous that some of us were at risk for being on the "naughty" list and thus destined for lumps of coal and a bundle of switches. we lucked out- and santa spoiled us all! =)

new year's eve was spent with a houseful of giggling girls having a slumber party. and the new year was celebrated with sparkling grape juice for the girls and asti for the parents. new year's day was spent lounging on the couch watching the twilight zone marathon. it's a bit of our family new year's tradition.

life has been pretty low key since. lots of wii playing, reading and catching up on one of our favorite shows-house. there are a few crafty projects that i would like to work on, but so far haven't decided what to start first.

and in an exciting twist of events we have started looking at new houses. this is pretty long overdue, but sometimes life gets in the way. to be honest i really would like to move out of florida. just not sure how feasible that would be, so for now we are looking locally.

ok so that's the update. and hopefully returning to regularly scheduled blogging.

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J is for junk about me

junk. i have way too much of it.

january and july. my girl's birth months and their personalities are just as opposite.

jack. my stepson who just turned 14-where does the time go?

joy. nothing brings me greater joy than my girls and pets.

journal of a prizefighter. a blog that i read about an absolute hero.

jon stewart. i have a crush on him.

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I is for info

ice cream. is one of my major food groups.

italy. one day i really want to visit there.

intolerance. i am extremely bothered by it and i have realized lately that i'm actually intolerant of intolerance.

ignorance. i find that annoying as well.

irony. it's peculiar.

iguana. i had one once and he hated me. really he did. when i brought him home he immediately turned brown from the bright green color he was supposed to be. i tried everything to make him green again. all the sun lamps, heat rocks, special food, attention. didn't work. i decided he was miserable so i took him to a pet store that specialized in those types of pets. they put him in their big tank with the other iguanas and he instantly turned green!

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H is for hints about me

heather. that's me. i was supposed to be a shannon, but at the last minute my mom changed it. it's an ok name, but i like shannon better.

hair. LOVE it! i can not even begin to explain the new found love i have for my hair. i will never complain about a bad hair day of pluck out a gray hair ever again. and it's curly! =)

hippie chick. this is the term that has been used to describe me for years. i adore all of my peace and love friends and fellow hippies.

horror movies. i was raised on horror movies. whether it was at the drive in or when we got our first vcr and video store. we watched them all. as i get older though i cover my eyes a lot more.

horses. i love horses but i'm a bit afraid of them. might have something to do with my first horseback riding adventure. age 11 with my grandma in the mountains of new mexico. my horse TOOK OFF with me and try as i might i could not get it to stop. yep so i've been a little leary ever since. such beautiful animals though.

hot chocolate. love this yummy treat when it's cold outside.

house. one of the few shows i watch. we're a bit behind on the series, we've been catching up on the 3rd season this weekend. a house marathon. life is good.

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G is for gettin' back to gabbing about me

gold. ok i admit it, i prefer gold to silver. and yellow gold at that. that makes me out of style, huh?

girls. having only girls, i guess i'm a little partial.

giggles. goes along with having girls.

gymboree. this is the store that started my hobby and obsession with dressing my girls. sadly, they were already in big girl sizes when i finally caught on. we have since moved on to different stores, but i still try to shop at gymbo every once in awhile for old times sake.

green. one of my favorite colors.

green beans. my favorite veggie.

guns. they scare me.

games. they're fun. lately i'm into word games. i figure this is good for my brain.

gyros. yummy.

gator nation. i love college football and am a proud member of the gator nation!

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F is for facts about me...

facebook. addicting site that must have the purpose of enabling procrastination.

fishing. i like to fish and could do it for hours. i'm the type of fisherman that throws every fish back.

fish. i don't eat fish, cause they taste...fishy.

flowers. i wish i could actually grow them without killing them. they are beautiful.

ferris. ferris is my manx cat. he is my best friend. i got him when he was 5 weeks old and he recently turned 15. we've been through a lot together. and he always knows when something is upsetting me. i love him.


french toast. i make very yummy french toast.

fabric. i have an addiction to fabric. but not a lot of skill to make it into pretty things. currently i've been placed on fabric restriction until i start making things.

friends. they are very important to me. i have lots of them. but what i would love more than anything is to have a best friend.

freckles. my face is covered in them. my aunt em assured me they would fade by the time i became an adult. my aunt em was wrong. i don't mind them much anymore.

founding father 1776. a blog that i read. it's a bit over my head at times. but interesting.

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E is for an eclectic everything

emotional. definitely.

ebay. it's a love/hate relationship.

eyes. dark brown.

ears. i have each ear pierced twice.

eggs. i prefer the ones made of chocolate or that are full of sugary confections. (fortunately cadbury is a chocolate that i can still eat).

eating. another love/hate relationship.

earth. i don't think we take very good care of it. i definitely think we need to start doing better, because without it, nothing else really matters.

exercise. doesn't really sound like fun to me unless it's in a game form.

excuses. i can make them for just about anybody.

early bird. not sure if i am one or not. i'm definitely not a morning person. but i can't stand to be late.

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