Bad Season

Seems that I start all of my posts with something like..."I've been a bad blogger" or "It's been awhile" and this one is no different in that sense. My blogging has all but ceased with an exception here or there. It's not that I don't want to write, I do. And it's not that I have nothing to share, I do. So what's the problem?

Here's where I'll be straight up and tell you that I am struggling. My family is struggling. Life is a struggle. I don't want to write about something that will leave people reading with a sense of blah. That's no fun. The many blogs I read usually leave me with a smile or even a laugh out loud. Once in awhile there is something sad that's happened and I cry along with them. But in those cases, something sad has happened...a loss or an illness. I'm fortunate that I've not had anything like that occur in a while. I'm so very thankful for that. No, the struggles we are experiencing are not life and death. Some do affect our lives in big ways and some in not so big ways. In fact the smaller things would probably not be as bad if the big things weren't happening.

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer.

I do want to be real.

In order to be real I may have to be a Debbie.

For a while I thought that the hard times we are experiencing were just a season. The season would pass and change. Starting fresh and anew. So I've waited. Trying to keep a positive outlook. I've prayed, I do that a lot. Riding this wave and waiting to reach the shore but I just can't get there.

It reminds me of a day at the beach as a kid...my friend and I were holding onto a raft and floating wherever the water took us. We didn't realize that instead of bringing us back to the shore, the currents were taking us out into the sea. It wasn't until our parents noticed and yelled and waved at us that we realized how far away we were. Trying not to panic we kicked our legs trying to power our raft back to shallow waters. It didn't work very well. We kicked and kicked and maybe started to panic. By this point I think everyone on the beach was aware of what was happening but all they did was watch us. Maybe that's all they could do. Nobody swam to us. Eventually we did make it back, exhausted. Right now I'm on that raft and fighting the currents to get back to safety and normalcy. I know that others can see and they are worried. But they can't swim out to guide me back.

Keeping it real, I have to admit that I'm angry. Angry that this bad season didn't start with anything I had done. Angry that I am recovering from a seriously bad season already. Throwing a temper fit in my mind (usually) that enough is enough. I have been through serious struggles and had enough. It's not fair. This isn't my fault. Look at this mess we're in. I'm not cleaning it up. And on and on.

Then I realize that I shouldn't be so childish. I am blessed in many ways. Maybe I didn't cause the problems but they are still mine to help solve. That's another part of the problem, I can't solve it. Sure there are some things that I can do but ultimately a lot of it is completely out of my control. That's when the anger and pity party turns to fear. Something has to give. It's not just me or my husband, it's my girls. At what point does this begin to affect them? I can try to shield them and protect them. Life as usual. But they are smart and observant and they know that things aren't as they should be. Then the fear turns to sadness. My girls are my life. I want the best for them in all ways, all the time. They've been through a horrible season already. A season of not knowing what was going to happen to me. Life turned completely upside down for them. But they are also strong and faithful. So there's that. But again enough is enough.

So what is this bad season we're experiencing? Mostly it's unemployment. Mr. H hasn't worked since June of last year. In the beginning I let it go and let him just be. I'm sure he needed to grieve. He didn't just lose his job, it was a bit more than that. He could potentially lose his license, after all this time he still doesn't know what that outcome will be. I have to throw in a disclaimer, he didn't do anything horribly wrong. He stood up for a patient who was not able to get the care he needed because of insurance paperwork. His patient was sick and after hours of treatment being delayed, Mr. H found a way to get his treatment and the patient was alright. Unfortunately Mr. H's employer didn't back him up and terminated him. To add insult to injury they reported him to board and his case has not been resolved. I truly feel that the state will find in his favor, but not knowing is awful. It also has interfered with his schooling as he intends to pursue further licensure but with his current license status up in the air he feels stuck. His ability to work is not affected but the career that I always felt was recession proof has shown to not be so. The jobs are just not available.

What started as grieving has probably turned into depression. And when one person in the family is down and out it tends to affect us all. Arguments happen, blame happens, teamwork is disrupted. Then add in things like loss of medical insurance (my recovery includes the need for many medications, expensive medications) and financial difficulties...it's just a big mess. There seems to be no end in sight.

So that is where we are right now. Again I didn't want to share all of this because it's not positive or pleasant or entertaining. But it's real and I'm real. I intend on sharing more but I promise to not just dwell on the negative. The truth is that despite this season...I am blessed. We are blessed. I definitely hope that things will change soon and that in the meantime we will try to keep the girl's lives as usual the best we can.

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my tale of hair, baldness and hair again...

i had recently attempted to leave a blog comment for someone who has battled cancer and in the process lost her hair, spent time being bald and now has come full circle back to having hair. my comment ended up too long to be accepted and i realized that it was actually a blog and caring bridge post in the making. in the past i have tried to keep my cancer related posts on my caring bridge page where it's a bit more appropriate. for some reason though, i really felt like i should share it here as well. i have been sharing bits of my experience here more often. if it is becoming unfitting or uncomfortable to you all, please let me know. cancer is an awful subject. one that does need to be talked about. this may not be the place and i understand that. if you would prefer that i keep it more to my caring bridge page, please let me know.

it may seem odd or even vain and inappropriate to some, that when faced with a serious illness and not knowing if you are going to live or die, that hair would be on the radar at all. let alone be a big deal at that time. maybe to others it isn't or wouldn't be. as i look back and even as i think about it now, it was a big deal to me. now i didn't carry on about it a lot, in fact i tried to be accepting and brave. there were times though that i lost that calm demeanor. after all, i am a girl.

not quite three years ago i was faced with the fact that i was going to lose my hair to chemotherapy. i knew it, and that it was unavoidable. i was prepared. mr. h and i picked out various head coverings and even a wig while i still had my hair. i was even able to laugh about it at times with my family and friends. they were all (and still are) very supportive of me. i was ready for it. or so i thought.

the day my hair started to really fall out, as in handfuls, i cried. i thought i would be ok with it. but reality is cruel sometimes. mr. h went ahead and shaved it off for me. how hard that must have been for him. but he did it so that i could be in control.

i had told the girls that this was going to happen. i tried to prepare them as best i could. we shaved my hair off while the girls were in school, thinking that would be the least traumatic way for them. looking back, that may not have been the best way. or maybe there really was no right way to prepare them for it. bethany was so upset, she cried a lot and needed to talk about it. kelley may have been too, but she kept it to herself out of respect for my feelings i believe, i admire her bravery. such strong little girls-they were only 6 and 7 1/2 at the time. bethany has beautiful natural curls...that she did not get from me. i told her that maybe God would let my hair grow back in beautiful curls like hers. well, that seemed to offer her even the tiniest bit of comfort. and for the next several months she prayed and prayed to God about that.

i didn't dare go to their school once i lost my hair. but her class found out that i had lost my hair. maybe she told them or maybe the teacher discussed it, i'm still not sure how they found out. they made fun of her, well no, they made fun of me. it broke her heart that the kids were so mean about her mommy. it broke my heart that children could be so mean to my baby and that i had caused her such anguish. she was sad and embarrassed. i didn't blame her as i felt the same way.

everywhere in public that we went while i had my head covering on, bethany would announce to anyone who listened-why i looked the way i did. around the house if i took off my covering because it was uncomfortable, she would ask me to put it back on and i always did. mr. h and kelley would tell her to not announce my cancer in public or to not ask me to cover up. but i thought it was ok. anyway to help her deal with it. mr. h would lovingly rub my head every day. he did this for months, every single day continuing when fuzz appeared and even until i had grown quite a bit of hair. he also shaved his hair off when he shaved mine. we were bald together. and throughout my growing-out process he made sure his hair was always cut shorter than mine.

during the second month of my chemotherapy, i had to have heart surgery. well surgery to cut a "window" into the lining around my heart to allow fluid to drain out. the cancer mass was compressing my heart and caused my heart to start drowning in fluid. as the tech rolled me into the operating suites he had to have me take off my head covering, it wasn't sterile. i was mortified at the thought of being taken anywhere bald. the guy was so nice, he went into the OR suites and came back with one of those blue surgical caps that looks like a paper shower cap. the type that all of the surgical employees wore. that way i would fit in and not be left with my baldness.

after chemotherapy was completed, my hair started growing back as patchy fuzz. it didn't look very promising. it had no color other than some sort of a very light metal shade. it took several tries with hair dye to first get it to take the color and then to find a color that didn't look ridiculous. i was finally satisfied when i got it to a dark brown. i got my first haircut six months after the first fuzz appeared. just a trim that transformed my uneven purposeless style into a "pixie" cut. with a bit of hair product and finger styling it actually looked like i wore my hair that way on purpose.

and my hair continued to grow. two things were interesting...it stopped growing in as that awful colorless metal shade and started growing in the same color i had dyed it-which was not my original color. and it came back curly! bethany was so thrilled that God had answered her prayers! i was too!

the picture in my profile was taken a really long time ago. i've not had it cut since the pixie trim. it is long! and curly! and so much better than what i started with. i do need to get it trimmed and reshaped sometime soon, i think.

what a journey it was. i have a hard time remembering what i looked like with no hair. though i took many quick glances in the mirror during my baldness. i didn't want to look, but i couldn't stop looking. we have a couple pictures of me during that time with a head covering on of some sort. and some early hair growth progress pictures that only show a portion of my head. but there are none of "me" bald. the wig never got worn much, once when i met some online friends for the first time and anytime we went somewhere that the girl's classmates and friends might see us all together. it was uncomfortable to wear especially during summer in florida.

i still remember waking up each morning after dreams of having a head full of hair, thinking that the baldness was nothing more than a bad dream. then reaching up and touching my head feeling nothing but baldness. realizing that it wasn't a bad dream after all. day after day. i thought it would never grow back. that regrowing my hair would be the worst post cancer problem-which it definitely wasn't by a long shot. now it seems that it grew back so quickly, though then it felt like an eternity. the experience of cancer has changed me forever. and the experience of baldness has also changed me forever.

i now cringe whenever someone says in response to a person's bad haircut or when a child cuts their own hair and the parent is mortified (which bethany did do as a preschooler)..."it's just hair, it'll grow back". yes it does grow back, but those words have a whole new meaning to me now.

my biggest post cancer fear? of course it's that my cancer will return...but i think it's the baldness that i am the most dreadful of. maybe that's vain of me. thinking back to not having my hair, my "crown", it was hard. regardless of how baby fine it was or the cowlicks or the way it was straight everywhere except for one spot in the back that insisted on waving, i missed it terribly. i regained my hair and was blessed with a greater degree of beauty and i am so very thankful for that. sometimes i start to get annoyed when it falls into my face or when i have a lot of tangles to brush out. at those times i give myself a good silent scolding, because i am so happy to have my hair back.

when i lost mine, both girls, but especially bethany, had their hair cut into much shorter styles. bethany's curls have since grown out and it is so very long and pretty. she isn't growing it out to keep it though, she is growing it out to donate to locks of love or another organization like that. i'm not sure how long hair needs to be for a donation, but when i take her to get hers cut-i may get that much needed trim and cut mine for a donation as well. we can do it together.

with all of this rambling about my hair, i probably owe you all a picture of it as it is now. i really, really don't like to be on that side of the camera. however, i will try to get a good picture of my hair to share sometime soon.

thank you all for allowing me to share my forlorn but in the end triumphant tale of my hair.

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um. so it happened AGAIN!

remember mr. h's ongoing problems with catching "V" on tv? well, apparently tonight was the night and mr. h was off from work. there was nothing getting between him and his show right? wrong. the president sure didn't win any brownie points with mr. h tonight.

in other news, as you can tell, i'm under construction here. eventually i want to get a custom blog. i thought it might be fun to have festive themes for now though. the first one i tried (penguins) didn't quite work out. there was no place to log in and make blog posts. that wasn't going to work. i do like 3 column blogs, but not sure about this set up. i'll have to spend some time tomorrow making it look less barren and more balanced. right now i feel a bit lop-sided.

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coincidence? bad luck? karma?

i don't believe in coincidences. i do believe in bad luck though. i'm totally superstitious. and i believe in karma, too.



i have to share what has happened to mr. h, i might even feel a wee bit bad for him, cause these so called coincidences have really ruined his fun.

it's probably best to start off by telling you a bit about his job. he's on call. that's really all...he waits, the phone rings, a patient needs help and he goes to work. it's after hours work so really most things that should be taken care of are done during the day time. at night there's really no rhyme or reason. some nights he might be busy with a bunch of calls and other times he can go days without any calls. sometimes he can handle the patient's need over the phone or others he has to make a visit. all completely random.

so i don't know if any of you are science fiction-y types. i'm not, but mr. h is. he has been so excited that they've remade the show "V". i do remember this show from when my dad watched it when i was little. sure, it's kind of neat that they are bringing it back.



they've shown 4 or 5 episodes. every single week mr. h settles in to watch "V" and each time...yep-you guessed it! the phone rings and he has to go to work and misses the whole thing. the first or second time he could have said "eh coincidence" but now it's so bad, he's come to expect it!

oh and i have to mention this too, we are probably the only people in the civilized world without a DVR. i know, i know...how can we live? well mr. h lives grumpily since he's missed his show every single week. he's tried watching it on hulu but they are a few episodes behind and on the channel's website but his browser apparently doesn't support their video.

so could this actually be a coincidence? bad luck? maybe it's karma? or perhaps the universe is playing a trick on him?

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NaBloPoMo Day 9...Bullet Style

• today has been an off day and has left me low on inspiration, ergo the bullets.


• mondays are my "sleep in" day. some may think i sleep in every day but i don't. the other six days i set an alarm, on mondays i don't.
• i'll just say that i slept in way too late, even for me, so for normal people i slept in ridiculously late.


• hence the off day.


• i told y'all about kelley's report card, which if you don't remember, was excellent!


• but also mentioned some apprehension about bethany's. her progress report was not great. i don't even think i could say it was good. it was bad enough that she had many restrictions for the remainder of the grading period.


• i am so excited to report that bethany's report card was pretty darn awesome!


• bethany doesn't work up to her potential, but she does have the potential.


• a pleasant surprise was that her teacher gave a good report about bethany's behavior! she's not a bad kid, but she's bethany, and that can be challenging. despite the sometimes hard times i wouldn't ever want her to change who she is. but with this comes the chance of bad behavior reports.


• mr. h has been preparing for something the past year or so. he calls it "disaster preparedness"...natural disaster, economic collapse, civil unrest and don't tell him i told you this, zombie attacks.


• he stockpiles. we have a lot of various things stockpiled. which is great except our house is small and already cramped.


• i think if he was really clever he could build an underground bomb shelter. if nothing else it would be a good place to store his stockpiles.


• his current quest is to find long shelf-life ways to store food. currently, he is playing with his new food dehydrator.


• if a crisis ever happens, feel free to come on over!


• moving along...i still haven't found any homes for the kittens.


• one friend is interested in a cat to rid her barn of vermin. we are actually thinking that instead of the kittens, (in)vader may be a good match. he has claws (extra ones too-remember he's a hemingway. sort of). and lately he has been trying to get outside with every opportunity he finds. he would have to give up the luxuries of air conditioning and couches, etc. but we are considering this option.


• ferris and theo are really encouraging this. (in)vader is so sweet, except to them.


• i'm thrilled to hear the news that it seems stellan's heart ablation was a success!


• my prayers will continue, asking our Lord to make this success everlasting.


• and that sums up my thoughts on this off day.

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Super Snapshot Saturday

it's time for super snapshot saturday hosted by angel! check out her blog to see great snapshots and to learn how to participate by clicking on the button below. easy peasy!

this week's theme is our choice, so i thought i'd go through photobucket and find some oldies but goodies to share. as i go through photobucket, i can already tell you it's going to be so hard to choose!

silly bunny girls...look at how little they are! (notice bethany's haircut? i can only say that it didn't happen on my watch, ahem)




kelley and me celebrating our birthdays 6th and 31st i think.



bethany the birthday princess.



kelley holding a baby gator.



bethany showing off her new earrings.



one of a very few "family" shots.



beautiful flower shot created by my friend cindy.



sweet sisters, the BFF's i want them to be.



mr. h looking dangerous.



my "first" haircut after cancer.



mammie, kelley and bethany riding the teacups at disney world.



bethany doing what she does best-making us laugh.



what a sweet walk down memory lane!

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buzz...

so this little adventure happened a while back and i'm finally getting around to sharing it.

imagine sitting on your back porch and all of sudden hearing a buzz. a big buzz that is getting louder and louder. and of course you're thinking "what the heck?". and that's when you see them. well you can't really see anything except a huge dark spot in the yard. then you get it...a swarm of bees! it was pretty creepy, especially when your husband watches too much sci-fi and you think you've found yourself in the middle of an "attack of the killer bees" movie.

the bees left. for a day or so. and then they came back...

this time they headed for the tree and one by one they clustered on a branch until it was a huge basketball sized glop of bees. they looked like honey bees. now i'm not going to lie, i was freaked out!

my husband hit up google and assured me there was no problem. apparently a new queen came to town and the hive broke up. the new group was looking for a safe place to build a new hive and it most definitely wouldn't be in our tree. the tree was just a temporary hang out while the "real estate scouting bees" found a proper place. and if we didn't bother them, they wouldn't bother us, then soon they would be gone. or something like that.

ok i was still a little nervous. but in fact they didn't bother us and were gone within a few hours. they never came back so i'm assuming they found some prime real estate in which to build their new hive. and in turn the girls (and me) got a nice little lesson in bees.

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my failures, memories and blessings on father's day

i have to admit that when it comes to celebrating today, i was a big fail. i had the perfect gift project in mind, my intentions huge. but then i started having trouble finding the things i needed for the project both in town and online-they were pretty important parts of the project. so to daddy and papa...i still have great intentions but it's going to be a little late. that wasn't all though, i was supposed to be up early to tend to the girls and we fully intended to make a great breakfast in bed for daddy. we did in fact have everything we needed. except for the energy on my part to actually get out of bed. we had a really big day yesterday. and i'm not as young as i used to be so let's just say that i was not in fact the parent who got up early today. but the girls and i will make that fabulous breakfast, some day.

ok now that i've gotten that out of the way...when it comes to acknowledging the father figures in my life, i have a lot to say!

i was lucky enough to be able to know one of my great grandfather's. even cooler than that, kelley got to meet him i don't know of many people who had the blessing of meeting their great-great grandfather's. she was pretty little and doesn't remember but we have pictures to share. in fact we had a five generation portrait done and even bethany was a part of that in my growing belly.

a little known fact about me, i actually have had six grandpa's, three on each side. sadly my birth grandpa's weren't in my life as much as i would have liked. i did get to spend time with my mom's dad when i was a little girl and i have very clear memories of that. my dad's dad came into our life when i was an adult. we had a few years with him and both girls got to know and remember him. bethany especially loves and misses her poppy. i wish we had more time together, but the time we did have was a blessing.

my second grandpa's on each side, well i didn't get to have them in my life long at all. i have one memory of my grandpa cook and it was a good memory. he was much loved in our family. when i was four he disappeared on a fishing trip. he was never found. i don't believe i ever met my other second grandpa.

my third set of grandpa's have been around for most of my life. grandpa cliff joined our family when i was just starting school. most of my fun times with him have been during camping trips. and when i was diagnosed with cancer, he and my grandma were just leaving from a visit with us. they turned around and helped care for the girls during that awful time. one of their good memories of that time was when the easter bunny found them on a camping trip. i'm pretty certain that grandpa cliff clued the easter bunny in on their location.

that leaves my grandpa roger. he was my grandpa when i was born and proved to be a miracle shortly after that. he had what should have been a fatal heart attack and a good samaritan found him and likely saved him with CPR. his recovery was from what i was told pretty rough, so much of his heart was damaged that his survival truly was a miracle. and he lived a long life after that. sadly he passed away this past spring but not before giving me and the girls wonderful memories. i spent my lifetime with him and there is so much i want to share, but as i type this out my eyes are beginning to fill with tears. i will just stop here and let you know that i couldn't have been more blessed with a grandpa and it was a miracle.



no father's day can pass without thinking about my dad. there's so much to tell about him. most importantly is that outward appearances can be very deceiving. my dad for many years was a football coach and he has what most football coaches probably have-a booming voice. this voice can be very intimidating. but once people get to know him they are often surprised at what a kind and loving person he is. it was not uncommon for him to help his player's out in ways that maybe their parents couldn't. a big example of that was helping his less fortunate players get into college when their life outside of football have ended and they likely were destined to lives of crime. he's also a teacher and there's been plenty of times that people will acknowledge that their teacher was my dad. and to be honest sometimes i cringed, not sure i wanted to hear what they thought of him. every single time though...they loved him, even some who were never the type to take school seriously. no doubt he has touched many, in a positive way throughout his career.

as a dad, well there were plenty of times that we butted heads. he and i are alike and different all at the same time. he is the most organized man on earth and has a schedule for everything. in fact i probably was potty trained way earlier than most because of course that too was on a schedule. me, i'm not so motivated or organized and that likely drives him nuts. growing up he was pretty strict and i was pretty mouthy and determined to do my own thing. i spent a lot and i mean a lot of time grounded. but it wouldn't be fair of me to not mention the times he went over and above for me.

every holiday was perfect and still is. he made sure that santa was good to me in the most magical of ways. same with the easter bunny, i was hunting for easter eggs and baskets long after i could drive. and speaking of driving, i had my dream car for my 16th birthday-a 1966 mustang. he taught me to drive without ever losing his cool. as a preteen and early teen every summer he would take a carload of me and my friends to a water park. the entire he day he let us go and have fun and if he ever checked up on us, i never knew about it. another tradition were amusement parks and rollercoasters-we road every one over and over. (however when it came to spinning rides, that was where my mom came in-he does have a weak stomach). we've traveled a lot and thanks to him i've seen great sites from hollywood to new york city. and pets, just to show you his softer side...he buried everyone of our pets with tears.

along the way dad became "papa". and some of his ways have changed. the strictness? not anymore...grandkids are for spoiling. and kelley and bethany definitely are spoiled. he has already in their short lives filled them with a lifetime of fun and special memories.



it's pretty obvious that i have the best dad ever. =)

and finally on father's day i have to mention kelley and bethany's daddy too. you would never realize that this man who is tough in so many ways could also be a fun daddy to two little girls. when they break out the make up, nail polish and hair goo...they don't come running my way. nope their daddy gets the makeovers. he's the one who makes the pancakes they love so much. he's the go-to science guy. the one who calms the inevitable bumps and bruises (because i'm panicking with the girls). he's also big on manners and pretty strict, wanting the girls to grow up to be respectful and successful adults. and all of this amazes me because sadly his childhood was nothing like this. he has had to overcome his own less than ideal (to put it mildly) childhood to be the best he can be for his children.



so there you have it, as you can see when it comes to father's day i have lots of blessings and thanks for indulging me in sharing them.

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this is why every man needs womenly input...and...help!

so i've mentioned that mr. heather is going to be buying his very first home. he has one all picked out and right now he is just waiting for a final acceptance on his offer. i'm really proud of him, of course!

and i've been resisting urges to buy things for the new home. first of all it isn't final and secondly though i'm going to be living there, i figure he might have some ideas for the decor.

so this recently came up in conversation, and he does have some ideas.

oh. my. gosh.

now really, i'm flexible on things. i would never pick out decorations that mr. heather hates. and i really, really would like to let him have some input for a sense of his accomplishment.

but...

i need help y'all!

here's some things he's picked out. this...



and this...



and oh my gosh, something like this...for the inside!



please, please, please! help me to help him understand that this just can't be done!

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mr. heather has taken charge!

all weekend long, valentine's weekend no less, and mr. heather is making us work! the nerve! the heck?!

remember my laundry conundrum? and the hopes of mr. heather buying his very own (his first) home? well he is taking charge...wanting to make sure that HIS home is not cluttered to the ceilings with stashes of girly clothes. and so i guess he is trying to teach us a very valuable lesson.

he has pulled out all of the clothes (i tend to hide them so i don't have to think about them or even worse...deal with them) and he has put us to work. we have sorted, making sure the "high maintenance" items are set aside to be done by me, and the rest...well get this- mr. heather is actually washing them. and...bless his heart he is actually stain treating.

the girls then do their part of folding and putting things away. and oh wow they are NOT happy about this. but i do believe this may be a good thing. especially for miss bethany who changes clothes waaaaay too many times a day. or miss kelley who has regressed back to toddler-hood and really ought to be required to wear a bib. (don't tell her i told you that)

now i have to tell you this, just incase you are wondering why on earth i would let this laundry situation get so out of control. it's not that i'm a total slacker, well maybe i am a little, but...our washer and dryer are not inside our home. the utility room is in the garage. and it seems the people who originally built the house decided on a garage as an after thought. to get into the garage and utility room you actually have to go outside then into the garage. and remembering where i live...it is very hot and humid. and remembering that i have a wonky body...it actually requires a bit more physical effort than i often have lugging baskets to and fro. ok and yes i'm a bit of a slacker, but i already confessed that-so no need to dwell.

despite that we are "working", i will admit that i am actually thrilled that there is hope that by this time tomorrow, the girly laundry will be all caught up!

and a little update on mr. heather's house hunting. he has found a house that he adores. it is really nice! what he adores most about the house is that there are no neighbors. seriously NO neighbors. he has made an offer and the sellers have accepted the offer. the hold up? well the home is a "short sale", i don't know too much about this other than it is a step before foreclosure and that many times homes like these will sell for less than what is owed. so as of right now, the current lender is reviewing the offer-they make the final decision. we've been told that this can take a couple of weeks so right now we are waiting. trying not to get too excited, but still very excited!

oh and this possible new home? has a utility room inside the house! such a crazy little thing, but i will never take that for granted. ever.

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so i thought this was a down market? you know with that recession stuff and all...

now i will fully admit that i don't understand economics, nor do i really want to learn more than i have to. it's kind of too mathy for me.

but i did have to question some things i've heard over the past couple months...about how it's just impossible to get approved for a loan even with a stellar credit rating. it's terrible...heck you can't even get a car. let alone a house. probably not even a credit card. and i know at first glance it does make sense. maybe this was just a crazy little thought in my mind, but what better way to boost a failing economy than by stimulating it? but again, i don't know much.

moving along. we need a new house. doesn't have to be a mansion on the beach (though i certainly wouldn't complain). but let's just say that my "batchelorette pad" is kind of a tight squeeze for the family that has joined me here. due to my circumstances i have nothing to offer in gaining a mortgage loan. it's best that i just hide under a rock. so that leaves mr. heather or on a cranky day, mr. grumpus. he would be a first time home buyer, is a veteran and has been working really, really hard at boosting his credit score.

let me set the scene a little...in our town, neighborhood, etc. every other house is for sale. or for rent. they sit and sit. it's a retirement community...a snowbird mecca. and i don't really like it. but here is where i'm stuck. not really a great place for raising girls-they have plans and all. and because of the great back yards (eye roll), well the prices are usually outrageous. hence why they sit and sit.

last week we actually went to look at a house. we do have a few wants and needs. and this house had a lot of what we were looking for. and it was affordable. tho it did have a couple of things kinda hard to overlook-like the lack of a dishwasher and garbage disposal, terazzo flooring in the master bath, and laundry hook ups...in the kitchen (i'm thinking contractor on crack maybe?). but that could all be fixed right? it had space. wow! we were excited! but unlike every other over-priced house that doesn't meet our wants and needs-it didn't sit. an offer was made (and apparently accepted) a few hours before we looked at the house.

our realtor suggests that a pre-approval for a mortgage loan would be a good thing to have. and so mr. heather sets forth on this adventure. and nearly falls over dead from shock that he has been pre-approved. quick and easy. THAT quick and easy. so...back to excited we go!

and, and, and...our limits are a bit higher than we had anticipated. (now we're not the type to get in over our heads...usually). but that doesn't mean we can't add a couple more wants/needs to the list right?

another house is found online. and it's really a good one from what we can see-imagine 3 acres for a family squished into a "dollhouse" sized house! (i'm totally serious about that! even our appliances are teeny). and, and, and...an inground pool! we live in florida ya know-a pool! it's well within our budget. and mr. heather wants to go right then and there to see it. but i should probably mention it was the middle of the night...last night.

no problem! we'll go see it today, right? wrong! it too, snatched up.

right...so it's a down market, recession, nobody's lending? again no rocket surgeon here-but something just isn't adding up.

mr. heather is sooo disappointed. he has morphed into mr. grumpus.

tomorrow i guess we will drive past all those homes for sale that have been sitting empty so long the realty signs are faded from the sun. and no, none of them really fit into our wants and needs. they are nice enough i guess. but they definitely are out of our budget because of those back yards i mentioned. which would be all fine and good...if you like having a golf course for a back yard. which we don't. we want space, room for the girls to run and play, to explore and raise a spitting llama if they want. and they absolutely should not have to share their back yard with grumpy old men in pastel plaid shorts and pink shirts hitting golf balls at them.

***sigh***

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have a laugh...on me, thanks to...

MY HUSBAND!!!!

some of y'all know i have trouble with phone-a-phobia and leaving messages is the worst. plus since chemo i have trouble speaking and getting the right words, etc.

so i have to call in a prescription refill to the doctor. i'm on the voice mail leaving all of the medication and pharmacy information...

and my husband FARTS (ugh i hate that word) LOUDLY and it was a LOOOONG one.

i mean there is NO WAY it's not picked up on this voice mail...so i have to keep trying to talk.

i hang up and he's nowhere to be seen...i YELL! WHERE ARE YOU?!

he is on the kitchen floor ROLLING WITH LAUGHTER.

he says you didn't even stutter or miss a beat, just kept on talking! like it happens all the time and you're used to it. meaning I pass gas so much or something.

(and truly in my mind it felt like time stopped for awhile as i processed this)

he has laughed about it ALL DAY LONG! (ok i've been laughing too)

claims it's his best one in a looooong time. hmpf!

i WILL so get him BACK!

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C is for a collection of things about me...

chuck. that's my husband. he's very...unique. he's an expert marksman and a hospice nurse. no, he doesn't mix his hobby with work.

chocolate. i have had a long love affair with chocolate. however i can no longer eat most chocolate. this makes me sad. and a little mad that i haven't lost any weight.

candy corn. i like it only during the month of october and only if it's brach's.

clothes. my girls have way, way, way too many. a good thing-i don't have to wash their laundry for a month and still have enough. a bad thing-i hate washing a month's worth of their laundry at one time.

car rides. i hate car rides. i get bored. i fear crazy drivers. i get car sick. enough said.

crows. they scare the bejeebers out of me. i have reason to believe they work with the grim reaper.

christmas eve. this is my favorite day/night of the year. it's so magical, so special. i just love it.

curls. i have them now. other than it's cancer killing properties curls are the only good to come out of chemotherapy.

cancer. the killer. i hate cancer. i hate talking about it because i don't want to be defined by it. but i feel a certain responsibility to share with other people. if you've ever read the statistics...the odds are against most of us. however i am now a proud member of CiMB (cancer is my bitch!).

cancer. the zodiac sign. i'm a cancer and i'm true to every characteristic. except one-i don't have a green thumb. i am certain death to plants.

(the)Case for Christ. this was a really good book. when i feel my faith waiver, i remember what i learned from this book.

coffee. i don't like it.

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