Warning: No Rainbows or Butterflies Here Today

>> Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Guess I need to point out the obvious, June has not been the NaBloPoMo month for me. But it's not my fault. Honest. (Some have asked what that stands for, it's National Blog Posting Month. Which really doesn't make a lot of sense since it happens every month. It's simply a way to motivate yourself to the challenge of blogging every day for a month. They offer daily writing prompts. I think they may award prizes, too).

So back to how it's not my fault. June hasn't been very kind to us. In fact, it's been downright sucky. Mr. H has lost his job. And not just lost his job as in laid off, but actually fired. If that's not bad enough, there may be repercussions he'll have to face outside of the job. So yeah, not good. Normally I worry, a lot. Sometimes obsessively. This mess however, has left me at a loss for words. We've talked about it and all, but for the most part I've been calm. Until today.

One of our financial advantages is that we have older vehicles which are paid off. But we also have something called bad "carma". This rule in our world dictates that if one vehicle somehow breaks, the other must always follow suit and become broken as well. Mr. H's car has been out of commission for awhile now. He wasn't sure if he should get it repaired or purchase a newer car, since it's a bit old and probably worth less than the cost of the repairs needed. (I have no idea what's wrong with it). Fortunately, he's not the fastest acting guy in these types of situations so he did not buy a new to us car, complete with a monthly payment, only to get fired. And we still had my minivan. Which broke down yesterday. It's getting a new fuel pump for $700. Yikes. Because of the "carma" situation, I should have seen this coming. It always happens this way.

So now the severity of the whole job loss thing is hitting me. I'm starting to stew. Mr. H had commented last week that he was so thankful that I'd been so supportive and understanding of the situation. And really I have been. I hate to disappoint him but now I really don't feel so easy come, easy go. When we met I was self-sufficient. Throughout most of our marriage I was the breadwinner. I would much rather have been a stay at home mom, though. You know that saying "Be careful what you wish for, it might come true?", that is exactly what happened to me. For the past three or so years I have been at home. Just under crappy circumstances. It took a long, long time to become comfortable being dependent on another person to support us. You know, because I can't *control* that person or their means of support.

Today I'm feeling rather let down. Kind of angry. Starting to worry. And resisting yelling "I told you so!!!" to Mr. H for the action that has caused these problems. Because it is true, I did tell him so. UGH!

I suppose it's best to stop here for now. I don't want to send out waves of negativity and run off my few but very appreciated readers out there. On a good note, school is out. The girls have been having fun. They've had a week to chillax, a week of art camp and this week is VBS. Our new pool should be arriving soon. I'm glad that I ordered it when I did, it would have been very hard to buy it knowing the current circumstances. And the girls really deserve it!

9 comments:

Allison June 22, 2010 at 8:37 PM  

I'm so sorry Heather!!! :(

Stephanie June 22, 2010 at 9:25 PM  

I obviously don't know the whole situation but I do completely understand and will keep y'all in my prayers. <3 you!

Lysana June 22, 2010 at 11:16 PM  

Still here, no risk of running me off, at least. Lots of hugs. I'm currently where you were at one point, being the main breadwinner for the family and wishing I could be a stay-at-home-mom. You put things into a different perspective for me, though.

I'll be thinking of you and praying for you. I am sorry about this difficult situation, and hope that something unexpectedly good happens soon to help you out.

Moderate Means June 23, 2010 at 9:13 AM  

Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that he lost his job :( I'm be nervous and anxious, too! I hope good karma comes your way soon.

Stacy

nielsons*love*family June 23, 2010 at 9:22 AM  

oh heather, i can relate to your feelings on so many levels...i am so sorry you are going thru. this. it DOES suck and it is hard. i won't try and give you any advice to "make it through"--but if you do have faith, i would only say to hang on to that. if you ever need to "talk" i will listen. and i sincerely mean it. (fb or even a call) xo Dorien

Heather June 23, 2010 at 4:13 PM  

Thanks for all the love and support. It means a lot to me. I've been wondering how I was actually going to share the news via blog. I had hoped to be a bit more graceful, but well, that's probably not quite possible. Thanks again! =)

Dawn June 23, 2010 at 6:57 PM  

If you can't send out waves of negativity here where can you? Besides, if it were a bad thing, I would have been swallowed up by the negativity black whole a long time ago.

I'm sorry for the things you are going through. While it's a part of the ups and downs of life, it still sucks to be on a down.

I hope things improve soon and will send all my good thoughts your way.

targetmommy June 23, 2010 at 8:26 PM  

hey sweetie! I just want you to know that I love you! I think about you often! Sending good vibes and prayers your way!

Heather June 25, 2010 at 3:17 PM  

Thank you again. I'm feeling better now. Still have lots of challenges to face, but we've dealt with so many and always manage to end up OK. I hope this will be the same.

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