siblings...the best laid plans

>> Thursday, November 5, 2009

do you have siblings? were you close with them while growing up? how about now?

me? i'm an only child. as a kid i hated it. it took me many, many hopeful years to realize that brothers and sisters just weren't going to happen. i still am sad about not having a sibling. it was lonely then and it is still lonely now.

being an only child certainly did come with benefits. there was only one of me, so things stretched a little further and i didn't go without. in fact, i usually ended up with the things i wanted. (there are a few things i didn't get that are now inside family jokes). i did get my dream car for my 16th birthday. fortunately my dream car was an old one and less expensive than other cars. if i had wanted a bmw or something like that, i would have been out of luck. my parents felt strongly about being able to send me to college. they both had to work their way through college on their own. had i chosen a traditional wedding, i'm really sure they would have made it a beautiful occasion. so it seems that when they decided to just have me, their life experiences played a big part in it. they wanted to offer me so much opportunity and they did. (thanks mom and dad i love you both so much!)

but at the other end i was the only one with which things were judged. meaning, my parents at a time, thought i was on "the highway to hell". i think that they now maybe realize i was just a normal kid/teen. they just had nothing to compare me against. and really i ended up turning out ok.

my friends all had siblings. and one of my bestest of friends was the middle of three daughters. ever have one of those friends that seemed perfect, the whole family seemed perfect, and you really wanted to be part of that family? yep, that's how i viewed them. i'm really lucky and happy that even now after all of these years, i'm in touch with all three sisters. i know they've had their bumps along the way. but to me they will always be the "perfect family".

fast forward to my family. i definitely wanted three kids, girls, that were fairly close in age. i admit it, i wanted my family to resemble the family of my friend. kelley and bethany are close in age (18 months apart). my hope for them was that they would be instant BFF's. i'll admit that even after all these years (the girls are almost 9 and 10 1/2) i have baby fever like there's been a rabid outbreak. however, having another is not likely to happen. mr. h is just not on board with that idea.

so back to siblings. kelley and bethany. close in age, both girls, the best of friends. right? no. wrong. at best this only lasted through the preschool age when they called each other "sissy" for sister. sometime after that it became a love/hate relationship which it remains to this day. we have issues that i never even dreamed of. not quite to the point of wearing each others clothes without permission, but we're getting there. right now the biggest quarrel involves friends. "but she was my friend first!". if i had a dollar for every time i've heard that...

i do anticipate (hope) that this will change next year. this will be the first time in four years that they will be attending different schools, different busses (and if they had their way, living in different states). we also are anticipating the possibility for them to have their own rooms in the coming future. yes, maybe this will all help.

remember the stories of our grandparents and great-grandparents "when i was your age, i had to walk ten miles to school, uphill, in snow, with hand me down shoes"? here it sounds more like "when i was your age, i didn't have a sister to play with and be friends with. it was lonely. when i played board games, i had to play the left hand against the right hand"!

*sigh* if only they realized how nice it could be to have each other...


My Stick Family from WiddlyTinks.com


p.s. remember "little baby girl" is only part of my dream family. no, i'm not trying to tell you all any news. =)

8 comments:

Dawn November 6, 2009 at 1:05 AM  

My 2 older girls are 17 months apart. When they were young, they played together but weren't the best of friends. At the ages of 11 through 13, I was lucky one didn't kill they other.

When they were 15 and 16, they become close and are now the best of friends. They are very, very close. They have a sister relationship that is beyond words.

Hang in there, it does get better. I love your stick family.

Tracy November 6, 2009 at 7:28 AM  

Oh sweetie, you kind of made me cry here. Please fly up and hold my baby anytime you want. She only cries about 15 hours per day.
I love you.
xoxo,t

Angel November 6, 2009 at 7:59 AM  

Your girls will be the best of friends one day and be so glad they have each other. I wish I had a sister, but I also love my 2 brothers.

Tina November 6, 2009 at 3:41 PM  

Heather:

I was so sad to read your post on OHIHM....I know how you feel!

Even if you are not on the blog I will still be checking in on you and I am so glad I have got to know you!!!!

HUGS

Team Carter Jay November 6, 2009 at 5:48 PM  

One day I'm sure that they'll realize how lucky they are to have each other. Lots of love to the stressed mommy who has to listen to the fighting until then!

Jennifer November 6, 2009 at 7:39 PM  

I'm the oldest of 4 girls. It wasn't until we all grew up that any of us had any sort of relationship with each other. My kids are all still too young to know how they're going to get along.

I know what you mean about the baby thing - We're absolutely done having children. I had a tubal after Joshua was born. And it's the right decision - Christopher's autism, and now Lexie's probable ADD, it's obvious they need more of our time and attention, and having even more children than the 3 we already do wouldn't be fair.

But oh - I would give almost anything to have another. It's not just wanting a baby - it's having that hole in my heart where someone belongs. That feeling that someone is missing in my family. I wish I knew how to make that feeling go away.

I'm sorry you can't have your dream family. But I bet your girls will grow up to completely depend on each other for everything!

heather November 6, 2009 at 10:43 PM  

thanks for the hopeful words!

i can remember the exact time that they stopped being friends...a christmas break. they just had too much of each other. i had hoped it would pass when school restarted but no such luck.

and it's been the same ever since. maybe one day...

tracy i would love to see and hold baby "A" and of course her sisters too. you know all about sisters!

what i really need (hint, hint) are ways to convice mr. h that having another is the right thing to do. any suggestions? ;)

kelley,  March 23, 2011 at 7:13 PM  

hey whats wrong with my hair?!?!?!

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