paisley-place

And the beat goes on...

2011-05-15T03:20:00.005-04:00

Y'all know that I'm not great about blogging anymore. There was a request for an update, and quite frankly I was tired of seeing "Bad Season" when I left blog comments for others. So a mini-update, kind of. It's late, so it will be short.

Honestly, that "Bad Season" has continued and gotten more and more complicated. I'm unsure if I should ride out the storm or grab my girls' hands (and somehow a bunch of paws) and jump ship. It's a debate in my mind daily.

I try to keep all the anger and ugliness on the down low. But like I've mentioned the girls are observant and there's no keeping secrets from them. Plus their lives have changed a bit. It's been a tough adjustment for them, but they are doing well.

When I see them my goal is communication...how was their day? How are their friends? We talk a little about boys (yikes!). Most of all I make sure to tell them I love them as many times as I can. Oh and laughing, the day is a success if we laugh. Let me tell you that it's not always as easy as it seems when you have a preteen going through life's changes. She knows what is happening. But some of the changes are in the mind, the way she thinks and feels, it's hard to prepare for that. We manage though. Bethany is a little chatter-box with a sensitive laugh button. Man that girl is funny! Kelley is more mature, so the girly-giggles aren't as freely flowing as they used to be. She does have a great sense of humor though, there is definitely laughter. Just the way I love it.

Our family does have *big* changes coming soon. Changes that are *good* and that remind us how very *blessed* we are. I'll be sharing that soon, with lots of blogging to follow I'm sure, during an upcoming "Good Season"!

First we need to get through the next 3 1/2 weeks left of school. I think that's all that's left. I can't hardly believe it, 4th grade and 6th grade are so close to being over and out!

Bad Season

2011-03-11T21:49:00.005-05:00

Seems that I start all of my posts with something like..."I've been a bad blogger" or "It's been awhile" and this one is no different in that sense. My blogging has all but ceased with an exception here or there. It's not that I don't want to write, I do. And it's not that I have nothing to share, I do. So what's the problem?

Here's where I'll be straight up and tell you that I am struggling. My family is struggling. Life is a struggle. I don't want to write about something that will leave people reading with a sense of blah. That's no fun. The many blogs I read usually leave me with a smile or even a laugh out loud. Once in awhile there is something sad that's happened and I cry along with them. But in those cases, something sad has happened...a loss or an illness. I'm fortunate that I've not had anything like that occur in a while. I'm so very thankful for that. No, the struggles we are experiencing are not life and death. Some do affect our lives in big ways and some in not so big ways. In fact the smaller things would probably not be as bad if the big things weren't happening.

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer.

I do want to be real.

In order to be real I may have to be a Debbie.

For a while I thought that the hard times we are experiencing were just a season. The season would pass and change. Starting fresh and anew. So I've waited. Trying to keep a positive outlook. I've prayed, I do that a lot. Riding this wave and waiting to reach the shore but I just can't get there.

It reminds me of a day at the beach as a kid...my friend and I were holding onto a raft and floating wherever the water took us. We didn't realize that instead of bringing us back to the shore, the currents were taking us out into the sea. It wasn't until our parents noticed and yelled and waved at us that we realized how far away we were. Trying not to panic we kicked our legs trying to power our raft back to shallow waters. It didn't work very well. We kicked and kicked and maybe started to panic. By this point I think everyone on the beach was aware of what was happening but all they did was watch us. Maybe that's all they could do. Nobody swam to us. Eventually we did make it back, exhausted. Right now I'm on that raft and fighting the currents to get back to safety and normalcy. I know that others can see and they are worried. But they can't swim out to guide me back.

Keeping it real, I have to admit that I'm angry. Angry that this bad season didn't start with anything I had done. Angry that I am recovering from a seriously bad season already. Throwing a temper fit in my mind (usually) that enough is enough. I have been through serious struggles and had enough. It's not fair. This isn't my fault. Look at this mess we're in. I'm not cleaning it up. And on and on.

Then I realize that I shouldn't be so childish. I am blessed in many ways. Maybe I didn't cause the problems but they are still mine to help solve. That's another part of the problem, I can't solve it. Sure there are some things that I can do but ultimately a lot of it is completely out of my control. That's when the anger and pity party turns to fear. Something has to give. It's not just me or my husband, it's my girls. At what point does this begin to affect them? I can try to shield them and protect them. Life as usual. But they are smart and observant and they know that things aren't as they should be. Then the fear turns to sadness. My girls are my life. I want the best for them in all ways, all the time. They've been through a horrible season already. A season of not knowing what was going to happen to me. Life turned completely upside down for them. But they are also strong and faithful. So there's that. But again enough is enough.

So what is this bad season we're experiencing? Mostly it's unemployment. Mr. H hasn't worked since June of last year. In the beginning I let it go and let him just be. I'm sure he needed to grieve. He didn't just lose his job, it was a bit more than that. He could potentially lose his license, after all this time he still doesn't know what that outcome will be. I have to throw in a disclaimer, he didn't do anything horribly wrong. He stood up for a patient who was not able to get the care he needed because of insurance paperwork. His patient was sick and after hours of treatment being delayed, Mr. H found a way to get his treatment and the patient was alright. Unfortunately Mr. H's employer didn't back him up and terminated him. To add insult to injury they reported him to board and his case has not been resolved. I truly feel that the state will find in his favor, but not knowing is awful. It also has interfered with his schooling as he intends to pursue further licensure but with his current license status up in the air he feels stuck. His ability to work is not affected but the career that I always felt was recession proof has shown to not be so. The jobs are just not available.

What started as grieving has probably turned into depression. And when one person in the family is down and out it tends to affect us all. Arguments happen, blame happens, teamwork is disrupted. Then add in things like loss of medical insurance (my recovery includes the need for many medications, expensive medications) and financial difficulties...it's just a big mess. There seems to be no end in sight.

So that is where we are right now. Again I didn't want to share all of this because it's not positive or pleasant or entertaining. But it's real and I'm real. I intend on sharing more but I promise to not just dwell on the negative. The truth is that despite this season...I am blessed. We are blessed. I definitely hope that things will change soon and that in the meantime we will try to keep the girl's lives as usual the best we can.

I'm back...with a Friday confession

2011-02-17T17:28:00.014-05:00

So I thought I'd share a Friday confession...it will certainly be pleasing to my eyes and maybe to yours as well!

Do you have a top ten list? Famous men (or women) you find attractive? Not sure that I've always had ten on the list but I have definitely always had a list.

No biggy right?

Well my list is changing and I'm noticing a trend...the men are getting...well...older.

Here's a peek at some of my current main men:

Hugh Laurie

Jon Stewart

Dr. Drew

Rahm Emanuel

Should I be concerned? Does this mean I'm getting older? Even Brad Pitt is getting older right? Though he didn't make my list. There are others of course like...

Robert Downey Jr.

But he's not actually very young either is he?

Who's on your list? Any confessions?

Deadbeat.

2010-08-24T23:16:00.013-04:00

Wow. It occurred to me tonight that I have been a complete blogging deadbeat. Not that life has been so entirely thrilling and there is much to be shared. But I do love reading blogs and know that I miss y'all when you're not updating as often. My blog reading habit could be part of why I've been such a deadbeat, I can barely keep up with all the blogs in my reader. Sorry that I haven't been commenting as often as well, it's not you-it's definitely me!

So...I'm trying to think of what's been happening. The biggest thing has been sending Kelley and Bethany back to school. Most years it seems like I am totally ready for school to start (bad mommy!). This summer though...not so much. I truly enjoyed having the girls home!

They had some super busy weeks thanks to their Papa for planning lots of activities and taking them on their annual vacation. This year the girls went to Gatlinburg, Tennessee with Mammie and Papa and had a great time! Here are a couple pics they sent...

The rest of their time was spent swimming, staying up late (really late some nights) and actually sleeping in. We had a lot of fun just hanging out.

School started this past Monday. Bethany is in 4th grade and so far seems to be loving it! Her teacher is new to the area and seems really nice and one of her neighbor friends is in class with her. Kelley started 6th grade, and I'm still having trouble accepting that my baby girl is in middle school now. She's not been too thrilled with it either so far. I think it's because her best friend isn't in any of her classes. They were together in grades 3, 4 and 5, and Kelley really didn't invest herself much into making other friendships. Hopefully she'll meet some new friends in her classes soon and her outlook will change.

And that about wraps up the excitement here. Yep, not much! I've been reading like a mad woman, it's been a great season for reading with both a new Sookie Stackhouse and Stephanie Plum book out! We are also doing work around the house-trying to purge and purge some more since it seems we aren't going to be moving anytime soon. Boo to that! Once we get done with that we'll be doing some more exciting stuff like new flooring, paint and furniture.

I'll leave you with this funny. The news is old, but what is so funny about it is that apparently this is actually the *news* in other countries! Hysterical! But not sure about that shower scene...

Home Ec...it's not just for high school anymore!

2010-08-14T01:26:00.007-04:00

Back in high school, home ec class was about the last thing that interested me.

Funny how the times have changed! A couple years ago I decided that I wanted to be crafty and so I got a sewing machine. With the help of Mr. H, I managed to get the machine all threaded and ready to go. It didn't take long for me to realize that I have a sort of "crafty ADD" and am only a crafty wanna be. I did manage to make a few pillows and some cute skirts.

The site You Can Make This has enabled me to create the few things I have made. I definitely recommend that you check it out if you are wanting to get creative, there are so many different things you make from sewing to jewelry, etc!

I've also bought several books chock full of projects. But inevitably I run into a skill I don't know how to complete and end up all disappointed. And trying to figure out a real pattern? Forget about it!

But I sure have discovered a love for fabrics. There are so many beautiful designer fabrics out there and I've gotten a bunch of yards here and there. Mostly my gorgeous fabrics sit folded in a bin until the girls get into them and start cutting into them to "make things". I'll admit, I hate to see them chopping chunks of pieces out of my nicely folded yards.

So when I learned about the Home Ec class at the Freckled Nest, I was curious. It's a 5 1/2 week course with 26 projects that each teach a different skill, guides, online chats where you can ask questions and more. But I had my worries, how could I possibly keep up? Though I find sewing fun and relaxing, I am still very much a beginner. I often have to stop mid-project and take apart some portion of what I'm working on to do it over and get it right. Sometimes I require several do-overs!

Worrying about this, I decided I better skip the class. But it kept stirring in the back of my mind. So I would go back to the site and look it over again. At one point I noticed that all of the information would not be available for just 5 1/2 weeks. No. It will be available for an entire year! By then the deadline had passed. Bummer. But no again! The sign ups have been extended til 8/15. And then I saw that Gussy is taking the class! She's recently made her creations a full time business!

At this point I was sold! And I've just taken the plunge and signed up for Home Ec! I'm so excited! It's a little late tonight to get started. Plus I've got to figure out how to replace a broken needle on my machine, Bethany was having a little too much fun one day. And I've noticed the first project requires ric-rac which I don't think I have. But soon, I'll be getting started.

And if any of my tens of readers out there are interested in signing up, you've got til 8/15 to do so! Come on and sign up with me, it'll be fun!

Disclaimer: I'm not being compensated for posting this or encouraging anyone to sign up for Home Ec. I just think it'll be the more the merrier. I am an affiliate for You Can Make This, so if you do happen to purchase something entering via my button, I think I get a store credit. It's never happened before, but maybe some day!

Sometimes snarky moments come from sadness and disappointment.

2010-08-03T21:41:00.011-04:00

This is a copy of a letter than I recently sent to some of my email friends. Then I thought about how I really believe in the message, so why stop there?

Hi friends,

Tonight I feel led to share a message with you all. I think that a few of you will know exactly where I'm coming from here. But in case you don't, you will now. If you know me well, you know that I am a Democrat. A bleeding heart liberal and I'm perfectly OK with that. I wouldn't want to be any other way. This doesn't mean that I agree with everything the party has to offer. It means that I feel strongly in my views as you do yours. I also believe that kindness is important always!

Over the years, I've received lots of "forwarded emails" that are of a different view than mine. Some are funny whether I agree with them or not. Some are not at all funny to me. Some are interesting and some are completely untrue (I highly recommend Snopes for checking the validity of messages-especially if you are trying to teach me something). And some are just plain mean and even asinine.

Usually, I don't speak up about these messages because I get that humor is fun. I like to laugh and if I can laugh at myself (which I do often) then I can laugh at a lot of the emails I get. Some I simply delete. I have yet to figure out why I continue to receive certain types of messages. Maybe it's easier to just send them all my way when you are forwarding them instead of picking and choosing the ones that are more my type of humor. I hope that despite this message you will continue to share your jokes with me, even if it means leaving me out of some of the jokes.

Every once in awhile I will indulge you and forward a funny from someone else that I think you may laugh at, even if it's not my cup of tea. I don't think I've forwarded many, if any, that come from the other side of your particular political spectrum, and be sure that there are plenty. And some are even completely true...as in you can't even make this stuff up! But I know each of you and know what might make you laugh or what might be viewed as not so funny in your eyes.

I try to not send nastygrams even though there have been many messages that are so awful, hateful or full of lies. Again, I simply delete them and try to stop the flow of these messages at least in one direction. But I'll be honest today, because I do love you all. And I hope that you will understand. It makes me terribly sad to see how polarized our country has become.

Upon receiving a "funny" email regarding the wedding of Chelsea Clinton, I just decided that I've had enough. I won't get into her parents- their policies, their beliefs, their actions. No this is about an intelligent young woman who has been married. A woman who doesn't have a lot of bad marks against her. Does she have any? Chelsea grew up in the spotlight, in all of her awkward stages that all of us go through, though hers were displayed and mocked. The girl was a child at the time! She grew up with the ongoing criticism and ridicule of both of her parents. Particularly the antics of her father and Monica Lewinsky. How horrible that had to have been for her! She was an innocent young girl whose father happened to hold this country's highest office. Despite all of that, I think she's turned out OK!

On Chelsea's special day as a beautiful bride she couldn't even leave that in the past. The blows could not stop. It wasn't because of who she really is and I don't even think it's because of who her parents are. I think it's just because we are so divided that ugliness is now a regular part of our daily lives. When another recent First Daughter was married, Jenna Bush, the actions of her father were not thrust upon her. She was celebrated as a beautiful bride by all-Republicans, Democrats, Independents, etc. The polarization did not exist on that occasion at least not in my little corner of the world-I hope it didn't exist at all. What a great moment for all of us and a perfect day for Jenna! I'm very sad that Chelsea didn't get the same respect.

So I'd like to share this, please take a look...and maybe realize that there doesn't always have to be snarkiness. Some actually do deserve a special day. A day that doesn't have to be divided.

Chelsea Clinton Gets Married by Mamarazzi

In the future, if you have something you'd like to forward me that is funny-please do! Again, I love to laugh! If you want to teach me something-make sure it's correct. When in doubt? Go ahead and skip me. I hope I haven't offended any of you. And I hope that my message has made everyone think just a bit.

Peace, Love and all that stuff...your loving friend,

Heather

So I tried something new...for the girls only!

2010-08-02T23:07:00.013-04:00

First a disclaimer and a warning. The disclaimer is regarding the product I'll be writing about. I was not asked or compensated in any way to write this. I was just nosy and wanted to try it out. And the warning is for any of the guys who might read this blog (Dad?), if you're a guy or very squeamish about girly issues, stop reading now.

OK-so I've admitted in the past that although I really want to be more environmentally responsible, I'm just not a very green or crunchy person. So I'm trying to make some changes. Remember me mentioning the great island of trash? Yep, learning about things like that really bothers me. We only have our one little planet. If there are things we can do to cut down on trash and what-nots, then why shouldn't we? Plus in some cases it behooves us financially to make changes. I don't know about everyone else, but right now we need every cent we can save!

So after much ado and then not and back and forth, I finally took the plunge and got a...Diva Cup! Though I don't think the cup itself is biodegradable, it equals a whole lot less trash than some of it's counterparts. It's reusable, in fact it's supposed to last for a year. And though I didn't do exact calculations, a quick thought or two and I realized that in the long run it's less expensive than other products I use. But I didn't use it right away. I mean it wasn't time first of all and I'll admit it, I was scared. It's new. It sounds kinda gross. It took a while for me to actually make the commitment to trying it out. Finally though, I did it! And so I figured now I've got to tell you all about it.

First thing to tell you, there are two sizes and it's very easy-under 30 or over 30 and have you had a baby or not (regardless of type of delivery). That's it.

The instructions for insertion and removal are pretty straight forward, so I won't go into details here. Just know that I did practice folding it up the way they say to a couple of times and I was able to put the cup in place properly the first time.

Removal was even easier. It does need to be emptied and cleaned out a couple times a day, the maximum time limit is 12 hours. There can be a bit of an "ick" factor involved with the whole process. My experience was that it wasn't messy, it was just the "ick" factor. With lots of handwashing, cleaning the cup (they make a Diva Wash) and even latex gloves if you wanted to use them, there really isn't any problem at all. (I would suggest skipping the gloves if your desire is to go "green").

If the cup is inserted properly you don't notice it at all while you're wearing it. And again, I didn't have any problems doing that. Somehow that thing manages to stay put just fine.

Most importantly, I had no leaks. Not a one. Not even an almost leak. Even overnight. I was very leery. Wondering how it would stay where it belonged, not leak, not spill during changes, etc. And it was all needless worry. No Diva failures!

I didn't attempt to empty it while I was out and about. The instructions explain how you could work it out. It doesn't seem like it would be a big deal though.

Again the cup is cleaned every time you empty it. Lots of handwashing, a quick dump or wipe, a scrubbing with the cleaner and hot water. Not at all bad, and I had imagined lots of icky scenarios.

Once you are done with it for the month, it is supposed to be washed and then, and this is the only place I ran into hesitation, you are supposed to boil the cup. And I had problems with the whole idea of bringing it to the kitchen, filling a pan and boiling the cup on the stove. The instructions included a big list of things you should not use to sanitize the cup, risking damage to the silicone. It just so happens that rubbing alcohol was not on the "no" list, so that's what I did for sanitizing. (Of course I just looked at the FAQ's on the website and it does mention it. Darn!).

Mr. H didn't think it was a big deal to boil the cup, and depending on what others think, I may change my mind next time. So far it doesn't appear that the alcohol did any damage

The instructions tell you that you will become familiar with your cycles and you will learn how often you'll need to change it-which may vary day to day. So far I've only tried it for one cycle and I did notice day to day changes, but I'll need to continue to pay attention. It's amazing to me how little umm "stuff" is actually involved, it seems like a whole lot more with the other traditional methods.

So there you have it, my experience with the Diva Cup. I give it a good rating! Honestly, I have no complaints and already prefer it much more than it's counterparts. I guess I'll have to get over the boiling conundrum. But that's my one and only qualm. I'm impressed with the reliability and comfort. Oh and it comes with a cute little drawstring bag to store it in when not in use!

If you've been curious, are wanting to cut back on monthly expenses, are wanting less waste...this may be the your best option. And no leaks? Perfect!

Beautiful perfection...

2010-07-29T19:17:00.007-04:00

My heart feels led to share this with as many as I can, so I picked all of you since you are special to me.

I met Heather in my mom's group. She recently lost her little boy Carter. But he fought long and hard and touched many. He will continue to do so. Heather has been amazing throughout Carter's life and journey to Heaven, her grace is just beautiful.

I know that she would love for everyone to know Carter. So I wanted to share this with you. It's a picture of Carter's new headstone. It is beautiful. Absolutely beautiful and perfect. The hand and feet imprints were taken on the day he went to Heaven (it was planned after being on life support). Please click on this link to see Carter's new headstone *here*. Please do this, it is hard I know. You won't be disappointed. And if you would like, spend some time reading their story.

Thank you! And a reminder to hug your loved ones so very tight...never miss an opportunity to tell them how much you love them.

It was a bad burn...

2010-07-29T16:35:00.010-04:00

After spending a lot of time reading over at Mama's Losin' It, I've finally decided to take the plunge and participate in Mama Kat's Writers Workshop. Her writing prompts are always great and there's always something that I can relate to. The prompt I've chosen to write about today is...

"It was a bad burn. Tell about the worst sunburn you ever received. How did that happen!?!"

Now I must confess that with living 25 years of my life in sunny Florida I have had many, many sunburns. Bad sunburns. Some were self induced as I was often trying to get the perfect tan. I admit to slathering on baby oil as a teen and other stupidly unhealthy tricks of the trade. But the bad burn I'm going to tell you about was one that occurred when I was a kid and I can totally blame this on my parents! Ha! Not only is this a story of a bad sunburn but also of being humiliated. I can blame that on them, too. The opportunity doesn't happen often so I should certainly take advantage of it, right?

The year was 1986 I think and we had taken a cruise to the Bahamas, stayed a couple days on the island and then cruised on back to South Florida. I don't think there was as much awareness about the importance of protecting our skin from the sun back then, but hello! common sense. I was sent to spend many hours swimming in the pool and in the Caribbean Sea, playing games like the limbo and all that good stuff. I had a blast. But without a drop of sunscreen. Needless to say I also had a burn. The bright red, lobster hued, hurts really bad type of sunburn.

That night as the full effects of the burn made itself known, I hurt. Very.Badly. My dad tried to ease the pain by putting soaking wet cold towels on my back while I was laying in my bed. As the heat from my burning body would make the towels hot, he would refresh me by pouring more cold water (maybe the water from the melted ice bucket?) over me on top of the towels. Bless his heart, he tried to help. I'm sure you can imagine that the bed was soaking wet.

For the rest of our vacation I swam with a t-shirt on to keep the sunburn from getting worse. And my dad would repeat the cold water process at night so that I wasn't in too much pain to sleep. But a peculiar thing started to happen...I began noticing that every time the housekeeping staff would see me they would start snickering amongst themselves. It took a little while for me to realize that they were laughing at *me*. I was a kid at the time, but old enough to put two and two together. I think they thought the reason for the wet bed of mine that they changed each morning was because I was um...not properly potty trained. They must have thought I was wetting the bed. And that I had a HUGE bladder as the bedsheets were super soaked. I mentioned I was a kid, but I was a kid that was too old to be wetting the bed.

Upon this epiphany, I was so embarrassed. Mortified.

So there you have it. I'm not sure it was the worst sunburn I've had as far as burn and pain. But it was certainly the worst.sunburn.ever. And just so you know, I'm a sunscreen tyrant with Kelley and Bethany. They'll thank me one day!

Stream of rambles...

2010-07-28T16:42:00.004-04:00

So it's been a little while since I've blogged. I figure that getting back into the groove will most likely take the form of a "stream of rambles" my version of the popular "stream of consciousness".

Hopefully everyone is having a great summer vacation! The girls have been busy with all sorts of activities that their Papa arranged for them...art camp, VBS, swimming lessons. Next week they will be visiting Tennessee with their Mammie and Papa. We are definitely blessed to have my parents. Mr. H is estranged from his family so my parents also fill that void. Very thankful for them! I must admit that I am jealous of not joining them on their upcoming trip. I've never been to Tennessee and not only do I imagine beautiful mountains but have met several great friends in an online group who live there. Tennessee has long been on my list of places I'd love to move to.

Meanwhile down here in Florida it has been oppressively hot and humid. It's awful. Lots of people think they would love to live here. It is true that there are lots of great locations like beaches, Disney World and all of the theme parks nearby. But honestly, I think Florida is great for a vacation destination. When you live here, and aren't on "vacation" it's not so exciting. It's just very hot and humid. Fortunately it's our "rainy season" and most afternoons are blessed with a thunderstorm. It is such a relief when the clouds cover the sun and the rain pours down. A little trivia...some say Florida is the lightning capital of the world but according to NASA, Rwanda takes the top place. Perhaps Florida is the lightning capital of the country then? Maybe. Though I love our afternoon storms, I prefer to watch from the safety of our porch!

Another blessing of relief from the heat is the pool. Mr. H got it all set up a while ago and the girls have turned into fish. Well little wrinkled prune like fish. Actually they are a lot cuter than fish or prunes. They have perfectly tanned skin (despite high powered sunscreen) and lots of sun-brightened blond highlights. I haven't been brave enough to don a bathing suit, so no pool time for me yet. I have a nice pool float waiting for me. All in all though, the pool has been worth every cent.

Kelley and I had our birthday. It is hard to believe that Kelley is now ELEVEN. Middle school is less than a month away. I have no idea why Kelley insists on growing up so fast. I have kindly asked her to remain in a state of little girlhood. But nope, she and Bethany are growing up fast. As for me-I'm just old. In fact, I would prefer to not acknowledge the ever increasing numbers. Do you all have the same shock when you actually realize how old you are or is it just me?

Back to our birthdays...we both had a great party. Kelley opted for a brownie cake, while I chose a yummy Carvel ice cream cake. It worked out well-cake and ice cream! Kelley's gifts were kind of ridiculous-not that she got too much, not at all. It's just the high tech gadgetry. It's pretty amazing! My baby girl is more technology advanced than her mom (and dad). And that is what's ridiculous! Do you remember the original Nintendo system, Super Mario Brothers and saving the princess? That was the coolest.thing.ever. Now? Not so much.

Mr. H is still without a job. There are some complicating issues that make getting a new job in his field a bit difficult. I hope there will be resolution to this soon. In the meantime, he's being resourceful and things are OK. He's also taking classes at the local college. Depending on the outcome of the complicating issues, he may have to change his course of study. I'd like to see that not happen, but all in all I'm trying to not get overly worked up about it. I've had to cut back on shopping which is good thing on many levels. But I do love to shop.

We had quite a traumatic event a week or so ago. Bethany's kitty got scared and literally flew through the screened porch leaving a huge hole and disappeared into the night. The whole thing was bizarre. I spent a lot of time out searching for him and cried many, many tears. He's a year old but very tiny and not at all prepared to deal with life on the street. I was reassured by friends that he was likely hiding some place close and would be home sooner rather than later. The lot behind our house is empty and overgrown Florida scrub and that's where he was hiding. I called and called for him, shaking a container of food and after 24 hours he appeared...absolutely terrified. He wouldn't come to me. Mr. H has a way with animals, I call him Dr. Dolittle, and he went to catch the cat. Took him a little while, but now the little guy is home safe and sound. The other cats are none too pleased that they can no longer hang out on the porch.

I'm sure there's been more that's happened and more to share. I'll save that for future blog posts. This has been quite the stream of rambles.

Bringing home Bethany and Hannah

2010-07-05T16:33:00.013-04:00

I'm sure some of you follow the blog Room For More or have noticed the button I have on my blog for Bethany and Hannah. (Another sweet Bethany!). I've been following the journey of this family who is adopting both girls from Eastern Europe. They have Down Syndrome and I've learned that orphans like Bethany and Hannah who don't find loving homes by the age of 4 to 5 have a very heart-breaking life.

As you can imagine the costs involved are quite overwhelming. Bethany and Hannah are so close to meeting their new family and being brought home but before that can happen, a lot of funds still need to be raised. I haven't been asked to write this, in fact I don't even know this family other than by following their blog. But through the blog, readers are able to see that this family is genuine and are very excited to bring their girls home. There was a recent post about the seemingly huge hurdle they are facing financially. It seems that most of the "work" is done, and now it comes down to waiting, travel and money.

So far they believe that God has been the director of the adoptions and has helped to make sure all of the previous steps have been met. They are sure He will continue to help, but at the same time so can others. While checking out their blog you'll see many ways to help with fundraising. Etsy stores and other companies are donating portions of sales to help fund the adoptions. And the big sisters are working on some really neat projects for the girls that are also fundraisers.

On a personal note, this family has opened my eyes to these orphans and I have definitely been touched by them. These sweet little ones have such a hard road ahead of them if they aren't adopted in time. Time in their cases is very short.

In many countries these children are put in institutions if not adopted by the age of 4 or 5 and that is how they spend the rest of their lives. I guess sanitariums like mental hospitals! That's it. Forever. There is very little attention given to them let alone love and affection. It is really heartbreaking. To learn more check out Reece's Rainbow. How I wish I could bring these children home as part of my family. Unfortunately for me, the ability to do that seems so daunting and impossible. I believe that having had a diagnosis of cancer rules me out automatically in a lot of countries. But also, and this affects everyone is the expenses involved. It is so incredibly expensive.

This makes me angry. Admittedly, I am not on the up and up with all that's involved. I do understand that there are processes and costs that go along with adoption. And ideally the adoption agency wants to make sure the children are going to be placed in a capable and loving home. However with such a bleak future for these children if unadopted coupled with the short time limits for adoption to occur, I can't understand why these countries are so picky?! Their system for dealing with these orphans appears to be absolutely cruel and wrong. Seems to me that they should be thankful for those who want to adopt instead of making the process difficult and expensive. Sorry for the negative opinion. I just feel so sad for these children. I also definitely admire and applaud families who face what may seem like road blocks at every turn and keep moving forward busting through each barrier!

So I guess that there are a couple things I can do, I can help this particular family and spread the word to others. I can bring a general awareness of the situation as a whole. And I can ask others to do the same. It's a sad, unfortunate situation. But together we can hopefully help to make things a little better!

The BP Oil Spill

2010-07-04T00:14:00.010-04:00

Up til now I haven't written about the disaster that is happening in our beautiful Gulf of Mexico. There is nothing I can say that will be helpful. The situation makes me very sad and very angry. I figure it's best to sometimes leave things left unsaid. I'm going to mention it now and share some videos for anyone who isn't aware of what is happening for reasons I've written below. Obviously, you can find many, many article and videos regarding this disaster if you look for them. I'm also going to mention some thoughts on the environment in general. And just so this isn't too Debbie Downer, I do have a giveaway coming up soon! It's come about through my desire and responsibility to be more Earth friendly, and encouraging others to do the same. Plus it's a pretty chic giveaway. Be on the look out for it.

A couple days ago I observed an online conversation taking place in a blog's comment section and was shocked that many people commented that they were not following the story, they didn't really know about it and I guess were not concerned. What? How can they not know? Well, it seems that other parts of the country are not directly affected and didn't give much thought to anything they had heard about the oil spill. This just seems unreal to me, and probably everyone else who lives in one of the Gulf states. The Gulf of Mexico is a part of our lives. Some of us enjoy it's beauty, some of us depend on it to support our families. All of us love it.

Another thing that came up over the course of this conversation was the inevitable polarization of views regarding wildlife and the environment. These types of topics always disturb me. I'm a nature and animal lover. Albeit one who is not doing all I can do to help our environment. That is something that I have started to work on and will continue to do so.

There are just a couple of things that I can say to try and bring everyone together when it comes to our environment and the many creatures we share our world with. All are created by God-humans, animals and Earth. There is a connection, a God given connection. As for our environment, I don't know the extent of damage our lives and actions cause upon Earth. Many disagree on topics such as Global Warming, etc. It seems that I read that the biggest leap of technology in the history of mankind has occurred in the past 100 years or so. If you think about it, it really is true. But have all of these new advances come at a price? I can't imagine that such changes have not affected our environment in a bad way. Here is an example of something pretty gross and certainly bad for our environment, The Great Pacific Garbage Patch. One hundred million tons of debris estimated to be twice the size of Texas and 30 feet deep, swirling in the middle of the ocean per a write up in Redbook magazine for July 2010.

Our bodies have been affected. The incidence of many types of cancer is increasing. Some children are developing earlier than children of generations before. I'm sorry I don't have stats for you on these things, but a google search can verify these increases. There are probably many, many more ill effects happening to us. My guess, and again it's a guess, is that these changes are happening to our bodies because of the increase in toxins, pollution, etc. So it's not so much of a stretch to think that Mother Nature is being affected as well.

The last thing I'll mention about concern for our environment is that *if* we as a whole are damaging our environment, then it should be something that concerns us all. Let's face it, if we have a planet that is damaged to the point of being unable to sustain life, then most other issues that come up really won't matter will they? Again, I don't know this to be true. I believe that yes we have caused harm. I hope that it is not to the extreme that some believe.

Here are the videos showing some aspects of the disaster to *our* beautiful Gulf. Yes, our Gulf. You may not have the pleasure of living in a Gulf state, but it is one of the many beautiful and fantastic places that our country has to offer to all of us! Apparently, the videos (2 parts for no longer than 15 minutes total) have been pulled down by BP a couple of times, or so it's been said. If the videos no longer work, you'll know why.

Part 1

Part 2

Aloha Kai "Love of the Ocean"

2010-06-25T15:18:00.017-04:00

I'm wanting to share an awesome new shop on etsy. For disclosure purposes, I'm not being compensated for writing this. When I saw my friend's art on Facebook, I encouraged her to open an etsy shop. This week she and her friend did just that! I promised her I would do my best to share their shop. They have been selling their art at different functions in So Flo, not living there anymore I really wanted to be able to buy a few pieces. Now I can and so can you!

ALOHA KAI "Love of the Ocean" is the shop run by Carol and Vic, two artists and surfers. They have found a way to clean up our beaches and make old things beautiful and new. They started this before the awful oil spill in the Gulf. Their art is made from items mostly collected from the Atlantic and Caribbean coasts.

Carol and I met in high school. Funny story and one to show you that though I have always had lofty aspirations to be crafty, I really don't think I have one iota of talent. (Maybe I just haven't found my niche yet). We were in ceramics class together and try as I might I could not make anything beyond the beginner's pinch pot. Carol would be whipping out piece after lovely piece, while I would have project after project fall apart or turn out downright pathetic. By the end of the year, I had not one, seriously not one ceramic masterpiece to show for my efforts. Carol took pity upon me and gave me one of her really cool pots full of swirly designs. I painted/glazed it and took it home...I was kind of proud-atleast of my color skills. But the truth, was engraved in the bottom, Carol's name!

I am pretty sure that my mom still has that pot that is now home to a plant. Yet another thing I can't do-grow plants of any kind. Instead of a green thumb I have the "thumb of plant death"! Mr. H will not let me touch any plant, flower, garden veggie. In fact, he prefers that I don't even look at them.

So back to ALOHA KAI...if you love the beach check out the shop and maybe pass it along to your friends! I just bought a few pieces that really spoke to me and reminded me of the many days spent on the beach during younger and more carefree times, ones that I've had my eyes on since Carol shared the pictures on Facebook. The images I've shared are the ones that I got. They will be a perfect addition to my bedroom redo, a room that I've been wanting to make all about peace and tranquility.

Warning: No Rainbows or Butterflies Here Today

2010-06-22T18:29:00.006-04:00

Guess I need to point out the obvious, June has not been the NaBloPoMo month for me. But it's not my fault. Honest. (Some have asked what that stands for, it's National Blog Posting Month. Which really doesn't make a lot of sense since it happens every month. It's simply a way to motivate yourself to the challenge of blogging every day for a month. They offer daily writing prompts. I think they may award prizes, too).

So back to how it's not my fault. June hasn't been very kind to us. In fact, it's been downright sucky. Mr. H has lost his job. And not just lost his job as in laid off, but actually fired. If that's not bad enough, there may be repercussions he'll have to face outside of the job. So yeah, not good. Normally I worry, a lot. Sometimes obsessively. This mess however, has left me at a loss for words. We've talked about it and all, but for the most part I've been calm. Until today.

One of our financial advantages is that we have older vehicles which are paid off. But we also have something called bad "carma". This rule in our world dictates that if one vehicle somehow breaks, the other must always follow suit and become broken as well. Mr. H's car has been out of commission for awhile now. He wasn't sure if he should get it repaired or purchase a newer car, since it's a bit old and probably worth less than the cost of the repairs needed. (I have no idea what's wrong with it). Fortunately, he's not the fastest acting guy in these types of situations so he did not buy a new to us car, complete with a monthly payment, only to get fired. And we still had my minivan. Which broke down yesterday. It's getting a new fuel pump for $700. Yikes. Because of the "carma" situation, I should have seen this coming. It always happens this way.

So now the severity of the whole job loss thing is hitting me. I'm starting to stew. Mr. H had commented last week that he was so thankful that I'd been so supportive and understanding of the situation. And really I have been. I hate to disappoint him but now I really don't feel so easy come, easy go. When we met I was self-sufficient. Throughout most of our marriage I was the breadwinner. I would much rather have been a stay at home mom, though. You know that saying "Be careful what you wish for, it might come true?", that is exactly what happened to me. For the past three or so years I have been at home. Just under crappy circumstances. It took a long, long time to become comfortable being dependent on another person to support us. You know, because I can't *control* that person or their means of support.

Today I'm feeling rather let down. Kind of angry. Starting to worry. And resisting yelling "I told you so!!!" to Mr. H for the action that has caused these problems. Because it is true, I did tell him so. UGH!

I suppose it's best to stop here for now. I don't want to send out waves of negativity and run off my few but very appreciated readers out there. On a good note, school is out. The girls have been having fun. They've had a week to chillax, a week of art camp and this week is VBS. Our new pool should be arriving soon. I'm glad that I ordered it when I did, it would have been very hard to buy it knowing the current circumstances. And the girls really deserve it!

Bullet time...

2010-06-03T23:59:00.002-04:00

I'm taking the NaBloPoMo challenge, which means I need to write something.
There's lots of ideas floating around in my mind. However, I seem to be lacking in the ability to put my thoughts into words. Hence, the trusty bullet post.
Friday is the last day of school. A half-day. Why do they bother with those?
I'm certainly ready for vacation as I'm tired of homework.
Do your kids bring home a lot of homework?
Mine do, it's mostly busy work and I kind of resent it. I'm sure the girls do too.
After spending all day in class (hopefully) working hard, I think the kids should be able to come home and relax and play.
I can't remember if I had a lot of homework. Doesn't seem like I had as much as K & B do. Maybe I just didn't do my homework.
Though I ended up in advanced classes, I really wasn't a scholarly kid. My grades reflected that...my poor parents.
However, in college I redeemed myself and graduated with highest honors, so close to a 4.0, I had 3.97.
Not sure what we will fill our days with this summer. My dad (Papa) is a go, go, go type of guy so he's been busy planning activities for the girls. He also takes them on a real vacation each summer, not sure what this summer's destination is yet. Mr. H is also planning a little family get-away and maybe another one when the girls are gone. But there are still many open days.
I'd love to go camping but it's just too hot, humid and buggy during the summer.
I believe that residence in Florida should require all homes to have in ground swimming pools. We don't have one.
After much deliberation I ordered a frame pool today, a step up from the easy set ring pool we had in the past. It's a pretty good size, and so were the shipping charges. Yikes! But there's no doubt it will be money well spent.
I'd like to get a trampoline as well. But Mr. H and Papa are not on board, they fear broken body parts. Not from falling off, but from landing wrong. So although Miss B has reminded me that I'm an adult and I can get one if I want to, I've chosen to wait til everyone's in agreement.
If you have any pro-trampoline arguments, feel free to leave them in the comments.
Truth is, trampolines are a sore subject with me. As a kid I was promised to inherit my aunt's trampoline. Then my parents moved to Florida away from the trampoline in Ohio. So my uncle's nieces and nephew inherited it.
Yeah, I'm still a bit tinged.
And boats. Another sore subject. In Ohio we had a ski boat which we loved. It didn't make the trip to Florida. Where there is water everywhere. OK it wasn't exactly ocean appropriate but our fairly small county has 113(!) lakes. That doesn't include Lake Okeechobee which is not far away at all.
Maybe I'll put a boat on my birthday list. I'll probably end up with a canoe!
Or I could set up a boat fund donation page. Tacky I know. But remember Save Karyn?

Yay Kelley!

2010-06-02T23:23:00.006-04:00

I remember Kelley's first day of Kindergarten like it was yesterday. It was a traumatic day, for me, at least. Even though I didn't take a picture of her on the first day I can still remember exactly what she wore. (And I'm guessing I'm the only mom who didn't take a picture on the first day of school, huh?).

Hard to believe that Kelley's elementary school career will be over in two days.

Today was the 5th grade awards banquet and she ROCKED it! (No pictures again, I'll never learn). She got awards for Academic Achievement and Excellence, Good Citizenship, Eaglevision and Chorus from School. Plus The President's Award for Academic Excellence signed "by" President Obama, and American Citizenship Excellence, with two gold pins.

Unlike the first day of school, I was able to hold back my tears. But they were right there.

We are so proud!

And even though it's gone by so fast, we are so ready to get this summer started!

I'm trying not think about middle school yet, though...yikes!

Gonna Try it Again and The Ambitions of Me.

2010-06-01T23:21:00.012-04:00

I feel like my blogging mojo hasn't been quite up to par. Not sure why. One thing that is for sure is that I have been L-A-Z-Y with uploading pictures. Could be that pictures often give me topics for blogging. So anyway, I thought I'd put a little pressure on myself and participate in NaBloPoMo again. Amazingly, I kept up with it the first time. Not so sure how I'll do for June.

They were nice enough to give me a writing prompt for the day...

"When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?"

Um, well, hmmm. Not remembering any definite occupations that I wanted to pursue like being a teacher or a nurse-which my parents were. In fact, I definitely didn't want to be a nurse. Funny how that works, since I became a nurse.

The first thing that I can definitely remember wanting to be was a sister. Not as in a nun, but as in a sibling. Yep, I'm an only child. I wanted a brother or sister so badly. For years I was hoping for one. Finally by the time I hit my teens I figured out that wasn't going to happen. Eventually that desire turned into the more likely idea of being a mommy. But being a mommy seemed like an impossible wish as well. Guess I didn't have a lot of confidence in my ability to adequately care for another human being. Worried that I would never have everything in perfect order so that I could have a baby. Then I just decided to throw caution to the wind and had a couple of babies. Poor kids! Just kidding, our household is far from perfect but it's not all bad either.

Seems like at one point I wanted to be a singer. I can't sing-at.all. So I'm not sure where that came from. Maybe just my love of music?

When I was a little older I did want to be an author. I loved to write, still do. Now that I'm no longer working as a nurse, I tell myself that I really ought to start writing. But, I just don't think I have a novel in me. I love to read and always marvel at the characters and plots, how they all twist and turn and how it all sort of ends up intermingling and comes together. And while I may think I know it all, I really don't, so that sort of wipes out the idea of a non-fiction book.

So there you have it, the ambitions of what I wanted to "be". All in all though, I'm just "me".

Anyone else wanting to take on the June NaBloPoMo challenge with me?

On Memorial Day...

2010-05-31T16:45:00.008-04:00

So much gratitude to those who have sacrificed and served us in the past, today and in the future.

Many prayers to those who are in dangerous places-may you all remain safe and come home soon.

We honor you today and every day. We are so proud of you. We love you all.

Thank you and God bless you!

Heaven's new angel...

2010-05-31T00:59:00.003-04:00

Today Carter went home to Heaven.

Every parent's biggest fear.

Carter's mommy and daddy are going through it.

I want to be able to reach through the screen and hug them.

Tell them what great parents they are and that Carter made the perfect choice when he chose them.

To express how amazed I am at the level of grace they have carried throughout everything.

And to thank them for sharing their sweet Carter with all of us.

Carter...

2010-05-29T00:31:00.004-04:00

I am at a loss for words having read the newest update on Carter. I can't imagine how Carter's mommy and daddy are feeling right now, how heavy life decisions are weighing on their hearts. The specialists have told them that there is a very little chance that any medical or surgical intervention could help Carter.

They have all been through so much. Carter has met challenges and fought so hard. He's such a little guy but his fight has been so strong. He has been through more than any child should have to experience.

Carter's parents have been through more than any parents should have to experience as well. It's heartbreaking to even fathom the decisions they will have to make for their baby boy. Carter has suffered too much and they don't want him to suffer anymore. They have decided to put this all in God's hands on Sunday.

My heart is so heavy for them. But my prayers will continue...prayers for peace, prayers for a miracle.

Please pray for Carter and his family, too.

Prayers for Carter

2010-05-25T14:26:00.005-04:00

If you've never visited Carter's blog through the button I have posted, I ask you to visit today. Carter is having a very hard time. His mommy and daddy got some news that is very scary. Please go meet Carter and send up prayers for him and his family. Thanks.

Letting my baby fly...

2010-05-22T13:30:00.006-04:00

Last night Bethany went to her first sleepover without Kelley.

They've had sleepovers before together and close to home. This time Bethany was on her own and going to be in another town.

I was a bit a nervous.

Bethany was more than a bit excited! She had her bag packed and was waiting for her friend when I snapped this with my phone through the window.

She's home now-safe and sound. Glad she had a great time and a chance to spread her wings without her big sister watching over her!

They grow up so fast don't they?

In which I stand for something and face getting voted off the island.

2010-05-21T01:17:00.016-04:00

I usually try to keep any cancer related posts on my caring bridge page but this one is a little different and I think may reach a new crowd here, one that really seems to need to be reached. Over there, it's more about me or fellow cancer warriors and well-I think we get it. And a warning-this is a bit of a snarky moment...but for a few good reasons.

Now I have to be honest real quick, about something that definitely would be better understood over there. But to be real, and honest. I'll admit this one little thing and hope that in a way you may understand. It's the color pink. Which is one of my favorite colors. More specifically the pink ribbon-the one that is used for breast cancer awareness. While all cancers suck (there's no polite way to really say that sorry), those who have been afflicted with another type understand about the pink ribbon. And how it's a bit, um, overused. In all fairness it is for a good cause. But again to be honest, because all cancers suck and are not at all discriminating in who they affect it would be nice if other cancers got the same amount of attention and support brought about like the pink ribbon does for breast cancer. I think I've seen the pink ribbon on just about any item you can think of and I imagine that everyone knows what that represents. However, unless you or someone close to you has been affected by another type of cancer, you probably have no clue what color ribbon represents each cancer. There really isn't a problem with awareness and fundraising for any cancer, it's just that all cancers need to be recognized and contributed too. I'd just love to see the great efforts of the pink ribbon for breast cancer awareness spread to other colors for other types. All people owe it to themselves to be able to recognize possible symptoms of any particular cancer. All cancers deserve to have fundraising and research and outreach. So that's my little snark about the pink ribbon.

But my irritation this week is actually in support of breast cancer awareness and particularly the efforts made by The Susan G. Komen Foundation the leaders in raising awareness, money and research for breast cancer. The foundation tries to reach as many women as possible including those that may not have insurance or a family doctor. Such as the women that may utilize Planned Parenthood for all of their health care including female care. In fact for those women, PP may be the first line of detection for those who otherwise may not be able to receive other forms of care. If you happen to be one who is against health care reform then I would say that PP is an organization that is helping reach those who may not otherwise be reached especially without health care reform. SGK donates funds to PP that are directly earmarked to be used for breast care including mammograms and other exams that could potentially catch a life threatening disease as early as possible. Makes sense to me that SGK would want to include PP in their efforts as this is all about saving lives.

However, PP is seen by some by only one thing-abortion. Some people are not able to see that there is far more good health practices available at PP including breast cancer detection and treatments than there is abortion. I'm in no way turning this into a pro-life or pro-choice argument. I only would like to point out that as I've mentioned the vast majority of the efforts at PP are for positive health care. According to the PP annual report only 3% of the services offered are abortion service. Yes, ideally that would be better at 0%, but that is not reality. If anything PP promotes ways to avoid an unintended pregnancy and potentially avoid abortions. For those that believe PP actually promotes abortions, I ask you to look at the numbers and use some critical thinking skills. The big picture here is that PP offers 97% of services again for good health related things, including cancer screening and prevention. Again SGK is the leading foundation for providing all things breast cancer related and again any money given to PP is specifically used for just that. Nothing else.

So you're probably wondering where this is all coming from? Earlier this week a blogger who's target audience is fairly large and targets women, took a stand-against the SGK foundation being advertised on her blog because they contribute money to PP who does offer abortions, a sad but legal option in our country. However, I can't reiterate it enough-the money SGK gives to PP goes towards breast health only. It does not enable more abortions to happen. End of story.

I do believe that it was this blogger's right to choose what she wants advertised or not advertised on her blog especially because I believe this blogger's ad income is now her family's sole source of income. One of the problems that I do have is that SGK is only one of many organizations that supports PP. While taking a stand against an organization who again is the leader of breast cancer support and thus helping to save many lives, there are an astounding number of companies that also support PP. Many of these companies develop and sell products that could be considered fun or even luxury items. This same blogger has decided to not boycott the companies that make these items, regularly uses and enjoys these items and by purchasing the said items obviously contributes to the overall income-some of which goes to PP. Over the past few days I have just been trying to grasp this blogger's line of thinking. Why take a stand against a foundation that's sole purpose is to help save lives but not take a stand against a company who makes photo editing programs that the said blogger admits to "utterly obsessed with editing my photographs" and publicly acknowledges the maker of her preferred editing programs as those made by a company that also supports PP financially?

I am having trouble comprehending this line of thought and action. It seems to be one of convenience at the least. At the worst it's possibly turning away the support of the many readers of the said blog and their further support of SGK. Many readers did express that this information was new to them and thanked the blogger for making them aware so that they could discontinue their support of SGK-even those who were avid supporters up until this time. What a shame! And what a disservice! Not only is that less support to a foundation that helps to save lives but also these same women may one day find themselves diagnosed with breast cancer and may feel so strongly against this foundation now that they themselves may choose to not take the help of SGK in saving their own lives or the lives of their family members.

What good can possibly come from this? I realize that speaking up and out against this will probably not put me in good favor with some. However, this has been weighing on my heart and mind for a few days. As a healthcare professional, the survivor of a blood cancer, and a woman I feel I need to speak out. As the blogger in question stated herself "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything". I believe those to be very wise words and I hope that many will see this whole debacle in a new light.

And you know what? In the spirit of raising awareness, I think I may share this on my caring bridge site anyway!

and now an important message...

2010-05-12T23:36:00.009-04:00

Chocolate Melts-A Cautionary Tale

I've been having a big time craving for Caramello bars for quite awhile now. At the store the regular size bars cost $1.09, is that not obscene or what?! For only four tiny squares of Cadbury chocolate goodness filled with drippy, sticky, yummy caramel.

In order to save money, I had the bright idea to order a box of Caramello bars from Amazon. Isn't that genius? Saving money and trips to the store. A win/win! I bought a box a few months ago when it was still winter in most places. And recently placed an order where it's more like summer in some places.

My box arrived and was brought right in. I figured they may have gotten a little warm and that I better check to see if they needed to go into the fridge. I opened the box and every single one of my precious Caramello bars were melted. Not a little melted. They were liquified! I put them in the fridge and now they aren't liquid, but for a Caramello connoisseur-they are ruined.

I'm not sure if I should try to complain and return them? Was it my fault for ordering such a thing in May? It is poor judgement. But, why would anyone sell them at this time of year? Without some sort of climate controlled packaging? That's poor judgement, too. Really I'm not one to make a fuss, so they will probably go into the trash and I'll be out a few bucks.

So, in order to turn this into a good thing, I've decided to make it a lesson to all of you on the interwebs...let's just all say no to purchasing chocolate that needs to be shipped unless it is winter.

Caught up in the hype

2010-05-10T22:08:00.014-04:00

Have you ever been caught up in the hype? You just have to get the newest whatever-it-is that everyone's talking about?

Y'all I have to confess, I am caught up in the hype and coveting the iPad! It's like I have to get one NOW or else.

Really, I don't need it. Well not that anyone needs it, but you know what I mean. I have a lot of gadgets that I've collected over the years. Some of them don't even get used often. There might even be one little thing I just had to have that I still haven't opened. Now that particular thing wasn't like this, it wasn't a brand new thing I had to have. They'd been out for quite awhile and I actually had a planned use for it, it's one of those little flip camcorder thingies. I was going to capture lots of fun moments with the girls and maybe vlog. OK probably not vlog. But you can see that I had a reason for wanting one.

The iPad? I have no reasons for my desire. None. There is nothing that I can come up with to justify such a purchase.

So instead I've been entering giveaways to win one. And I keep saying I'm going to win it for Mr. H. Yeah I don't think he believes that for one second either, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Well, you'll never guess what happened...The Pioneer Woman had a giveaway and one of the prizes was an iPad. Of course I jumped on that chance. Today I was catching up on my blog reading and PW had posted the winner of the iPad. The winner was Heather! OMGOSH! is what I said out loud to nobody. Guess you could say I was a little bit excited!

Upon further investigation I realized that Heather is a rather common name. Darn it!

So congrats to the Heather who actually won! And I'm back to coveting this silly gadget.

Thank goodness for babies...you couldn't have a Happy Mother's Day without them!

2010-05-09T01:23:00.004-04:00

Remembering the sweetness...

2010-05-07T01:56:00.002-04:00

they are worth it all!

Consulting a wise source about the future. Rowing my little boat down "denial". And who gave permission for my babies to grow up?

2010-04-27T15:13:00.040-04:00

Kelley beautifying herself on her 3rd birthday.

I asked the Magic 8 Ball if this is a sign of things to come in the near future? The answer...

Kelley has a meeting tonight. At the, um, the darn, ugh, the middle school. Her mama is none too pleased about it. Not that there is anything wrong with the, uh, middle school. The problem is that it's middle school! For reasons I'll be sharing with you, I don't think I'm the proper parent for this type of meeting. I really, really, really, hope Mr. H will take her. And he was raised here, he went to the same school, so he knows his way around already! It is best for Kelley. Tonight I'd need to be full of confidence. To stay cool under pressure. To encourage Kelley to be brave. Because middle school is exciting! A big step up from elementary school! A really new and fun and grown up adventure! But me? Nooo. I'm really busy rowing my little boat down "denial".

Yes, my firstborn baby, my sweet little lamb is growing up. She is wrapping up her years at her elementary school. And, I just can't quite seem to accept it. At all. Her Mammie and I used to joke about how we needed to find some sort of "stunt growth juice" every time one of the girls hit yet another milestone. Our search has been unsuccessful. Why exactly do our children have to go and grow up? I mean, I have no problems at all with them staying little. Any age would do. But this growing up stuff? It's going too far.

Kelley is definitely pushing the limits now. Middle school! Hmpf.

I remember when it was time for kindergarten like it was just yesterday. I was in the same little boat rowing down "denial". I didn't want her to start kindergarten. That's a sure way for her to grow up. No lie, I put off enrolling her into kindergarten until about the last minute. I struggled with it. Gosh did I ever struggle. The only thing that helped was when we found out who her teacher was going to be. I knew her, our children attended the same preschool. She's a very sweet person and I did feel that Kelley got the best teacher she could have. But I still didn't get why she had to continue to grow, growing to the point of going to kindergarten.

The first day of school was rough for us. We all went, Mr. H, Bethany, Mammie, Papa, me. Oh and Kelley, too. I was too stressed out to even think of taking a picture of her on the first day of school. But I still remember what she wore. And how tiny she was. Little lamb isn't just tiny, she's the smallest girl in her grade. She was so brave that day. Much braver than I was. I don't even think she cried. Can't speak for the rest of the family. After we got her settled into her classroom, we walked solemnly back to our cars and went our different ways. I didn't dare try to speak, cause that little boat of mine? It was about to capsize.

I drove away and that was pretty hard to do. Bethany was with me and we were on our way to her preschool and my job. This was back in the days when they got along. Bethany called Kelley "sissy". As we were driving, it was quiet. But if you know anything about Bethany, you will know that she and quiet don't happen often. Then she said it "I miss my sissy", and all I could barely choke out was "me too". And then there were tears, not sure which one of us started it but we were having a full blown cry. Not the sweet kind with a little tear here and there. No this was an ugly cry. You know the kind.

We did make it through the first week. And then had Hurricane Charley come to visit that Friday night. As a result, schools were closed the entire next week. So if the first day of Kelley's kindergarten wasn't enough, we had to pretty much start over. By then Kelley knew what school was about and that was when she started to cry.

So here we are with Kelley starting middle school in August. Middle. School. I want to make it stop before it starts. I remember middle school. Kelley is going to be spending her day around kids who are middle schoolers. Some of them are even going to be teens! She's still the tiniest girl in her grade. She's going to have to pass in the halls between classes in a mob of kids. Big kids. Teens!

Think back to your middle school years...do you remember the kind of things that happened? Many boys and girls actually started "going out" or whatever the name is these days for first relationships. Thank goodness Kelley isn't overly interested in boys. Yet. They hold hands and write sappy love notes to each other. They might even have "their song". I'm starting to feel a little woozy. Some have their first real kiss and their first broken hearts.

*THUD*

Struggling to be Stylish is an awesome blog and having an awesome giveaway!

2010-04-26T19:36:00.006-04:00

It must be the season for really cool giveaways!

I've been a reader of the blog Struggling to be Stylish for awhile now. Though I'd say that "Struggling" really isn't, she's got it going on! I'd definitely encourage you to check out her blog often for lots of neat ideas and cool items.

Struggling has partnered with CSN Stores and is having a giveaway of $75 to spend at their stores. They have so many stores full of neat stuff. Definitely a site worth checking out!

So head on over *here*, and sign up for this giveaway!

I've gotta share this new blog I've found and her totally scent-sational giveaway!

2010-04-25T00:48:00.009-04:00

Just found a new blog to follow! Susannah's blog is all sorts of fun and interesting, I can't wait to catch up on her archives. She has a sweet baby girl, is a fan of SEC football, Diet Coke, Plaid, pink and green combos and an animal lover! That's my kind of girl!

In honor of Susannah's 200th blog post at her blog The Edwards Edition, she is having probably the most awesome and scent-sational blog giveaway I think I've seen!

You simply must head on over to check out her blog and sign up for her giveaway. You will be blown away by her giveaway loot!

Her giveaway runs through Friday April 30th and a winner will be picked on Saturday May 1st. Good luck to you! (and me!)

The Plastic Bag

2010-04-23T02:05:00.001-04:00

I find this story about the plastic bag oddly captivating.

It's Earth Day 2010, and this is what I'm doing about it. Or green and crunchy missed me. Or I just FAIL.

2010-04-22T18:02:00.000-04:00

Seems that these days there is a lot of talk and action about going "green" and becoming "crunchy". The phenomenom appears to be a good one, taking care of Mother Earth and our families. I can't find anything wrong with being green and crunchy. Not everyone believes that humans have an adverse effect on the environment, which I do. However, green and crunchy is certainly a good thing for our planet regardless of what our thoughts are. I think everyone does agree that there are things that are harmful to our bodies out there. So any change to reduce the introduction of harmful chemicals and what-nots to our bodies and our children's bodies is also great.

Now I have to confess...I am not very green or crunchy. *gasp* Why? I have no idea. When I look at myself and my life, I surely would fit in well. People consider me a tree hugger, I was always the "hippie chick", am a nurse, have had an immune system cancer with no known cause, am a mommy who wants the best for her children. And I am just not green or crunchy.

I support this cause. And I have tried to adopt it, really I have! But it's just not sticking.

I've gotten a bunch of reusable bags for the grocery store, but they never get used. A couple years ago we tried to grow a garden. It didn't work out. I'm a Cancer and I match the traits of that sign perfectly except for one...I don't have as a green thumb. I kill every plant I touch. We have talked about replacing our lightbulbs with whatever the green and crunchy type are, but have never done it. We would definitely recycle if our trash service made it more convenient like we've had in the past. As it is now, we would have to seperate our trash, no biggy, and then actually drive it to a recycling center. It sounds like a lot of work. We do have a recycling center nearby though...I should probably give a little more effort on recycling now that I've actually thought about it. I need to work on not relying on convenience foods and actually cooking meals regularly for my family, before I can concentrate on organic foods. I have eaten hummus and it was OK, but nothing that would become a staple in our diets.

There are a couple of things I actually do. The girls and I have t-shirts promoting the cause. That probably doesn't count does it? I don't litter! We buy our tomatoes from a road-side stand. Those plastic bags we get for our groceries? I save them and reuse them for things like litter box duty and to line small garbage cans in the bathroom. I wash some clothes in cold and hang dry, it's more for keeping clothes in good shape but it still counts. What else? Thinking. Surely there's more. Still thinking. Heck, I'm not coming up with anything. I must be nervous being put on the spot and all.

So that's a snapshot of my "green and crunchy" life. Obviously I fail.

There is every reason why I should make it a priority to be green and crunchy. No reasons why I shouldn't. At the least make *some* changes. In honor of Earth Day I will now start my green and crunchy journey. I'm going to make Earth Day every day!

Are you green and crunchy? What changes have you made that you think are most important? And could you help me out? Where should I start?

Bad habits? Not anymore!

2010-04-21T17:24:00.000-04:00

Do you have any bad habits? I'll admit it, I do. Like gossip, wow can I get caught up in that! Procrastination is another bad habit of mine. Really bad. And don't believe me when I use the excuse that I work better under pressure, cause that's not really the truth.

Guess what? Some of our bad habits actually have positives! Surely that old adage "everything in moderation" probably applies, isn't that always such a drag? Anyway, I read about this in "O" magazine written by a professor in social psychology. (Confession: I don't watch Oprah. I'm not even sure that I like her. Sorry. But I do love magazines).

Since we all probably feel guilty about a bad habit or ten, I want to share the good news with you!

Bad Habit: Anger.
The Old Thinking: It's unhealthy and causes high blood pressure.
The New Wisdom: We get angry because we feel we've been wronged. Reacting with controlled anger is good. When we hold it in, it causes anxiety. In return our body releases the body's stress hormone cortisol. Too much cortisol can cause depression, obesity and bone density loss.

Bad Habit: Negativity.
The Old Thinking: Pessimism can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Debbie Downers are annoying and less likely to prosper.
The New Wisdom: Pessimists are more likely to foresee and overcome potential future problems. It can turn anxiety into action.

Bad Habit: Cursing.
The Old Thinking: Cursing is trashy.
The New Wisdom: Using your favorite four letter word at the right time can alleviate pain. Researchers speculate that cursing activates the stress response, boosting the body's pain threshold to deal with crisis.

Bad Habit: Doodling.
The Old Thinking: Doodling means you have trouble focusing.
The New Wisdom: Doodling can boost the ability to notice and remember mundane information. The act of drawing can make use of parts of the brain that might otherwise be used for daydreaming. So instead of a wandering mind, you are actually retaining more information.

Bad Habit: Procrastination.
The Old Thinking: Procrastination keeps you from getting anything done.
The New Wisdom: In short bursts dilly-dallying can increase your overall productivity. It is hard to maintain high levels of concentration after an hour or so. Research has shown that people who check their email or Facebook throughout the day are on average about 10% more productive than those who don't.

Bad Habit: Gossip.
The Old Thinking: Gossiping is a sign of insecurity.
The New Wisdom: Gossiping can strengthen friendships and our moral compasses by informing us what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Just be sure to be careful about what you say and whom you say it to. Dishing about Tiger Wood's latest mistress with your friend-is OK, spreading false rumors about your boss to coworkers-not OK.

So there you have it...I feel less guilty about my bad habits already!

some thoughts to ponder...

2010-04-18T03:42:00.004-04:00

Brought to us by The Law of Chastity and the Modern Mormon Girl...

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. Just how the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5, as I'm pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

9. Bad decisions make good stories.

10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the
rest of the day.

11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BlueRay? I don't
want to have to restart my collection...again.

12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did
not make any changes to.

13. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn
it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to
voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run
away?

14. I hate leaving my house confident and looking really good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste!

15. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

16. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

17. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than with Kay.

18. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

19. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw
it.

20. I would rather try to carry 10 grocery bags in each hand than take 2
trips to bring my groceries from the car into the house.

21. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish
a text, change my shoes or finish applying my mascara.

22. Sometimes I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom
and hunger.

23. How many times do you suppose it is OK to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear, understand or you just weren't
paying attention to a word they just said?

24. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
prevent a jerk from cutting in to your lane. Stay strong, brothers and
sisters!

25. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.

26. Is it just me or do teenagers get dumber & dumber every year?

27. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going
down after leaning your chair back just a tad too far.

28. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.

29. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket or purse, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3
feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, pitch black, first time, every
time!

Stream of Rambles...

2010-04-14T23:38:00.008-04:00

Bloggers have been doing a lot of "Stream of Consciousness" posts lately. My thoughts are really disorganized these last few days so I'm going with the "Stream of Rambles" type of post. I imagine there won't be any pearls of wisdom here and it might even cause you to get kind of sleepy. If you aren't able to take a nap as soon as you're done reading, you might want to skip this one.

You may have noticed that I've been quiet for a little while. I managed to lose access to my blog! Kind of like locking yourself out of the house, but not really. I changed my template and then could not access any of my pages or dashboard. There were no links or ways to get to my profile. Somehow I found an "open window" that I could crawl through and so I did just that. Hopefully I'll remember which way I did that, cause I do like the new template. It's still not my goal of a personalized custom template, but it's cute.

Speaking of goals, I didn't share a March update on my 65 in 365. Don't worry, you didn't miss anything. I'm fairly certain that I accomplished nothing on the list. And that is down right shameful! Hopefully there will be something to share before April is over.

Can you believe we're already half-way through April, or is it just me? I checked the calendar today and my gosh, where did the time go? Nobody's asked me where I've been lately, so I guess I wasn't abducted by aliens. But really...did the world somehow skip a week or two?

This has been a downright awful week, really the kind that it can only get better. Which is a relief I guess. Kelley and Bethany have both been home sick all week. Kelley had a cough last week, but it wasn't until Sunday that she clearly was sick. And by "clearly sick" it was one of those nights that includes vomiting. Not to get stuck on the subject because it's gross, but as parents do you find that vomiting always seems to commence at night, when everyone is in bed? That is always how it happens here. Bethany had a bit of a fever, so I knew she was headed for sickness as well. Monday was spent at the Pedi's office, which with waiting times is always an hours long, miserable event. Bethany had an ear infection and allergies. They suspected Kelley had strep or the flu, so they sent us for stat rapid tests. I bravely asked if they were testing for seasonal flu and swine flu, which the answer was yes. Big mommy mistake right there. Kelley heard *swine flu* and went into a panic. Turns out she had none of the above, which was a relief. But still had something, just not sure what. We came home armed with five filled prescriptions and I've been taking care of my sick babies all week-just wishing I could take the icky stuff from them. Though neither has much of an appetite, things are looking better and fevers are gone. Today they had such a case of cabin fever that I broke the "too sick for school" rule and let them out to get some fresh air and play for a bit.
So it's back to school tomorrow. They are ready! And would it be really bad if I said I was ready too?!

My missing tooth spot has healed. And I do feel much better. Though I feel uneven. I have this weird OCD thing with my body, things are supposed to be symmetrical and my mouth is not. That's been annoying. Also I've been a teeth freak my whole life so I was definitely sure that I needed to get a replacement tooth. Now I'm having trouble justifying spending $3-4,000 on it. That is crazy! Hundreds maybe, but thousands? If it was a front tooth then I'd have no qualms. But this is the next to last tooth in the back. What would you do? That's a lot of money.

As for money, Mr. H has once again decided to look at houses. He found one that is really great. It's a new construction, much bigger than ours, in a quiet, secluded location and is on the water. The price is good. But with us, nothing can ever be easy. It's not finished. So, that means more money. However if we can offer a bit lower, even with the costs to finish the home, it's still a pretty sweet deal. We're kind of excited about it and nervous at the same time.

Well, I think that about wraps up my rambles for now. Hopefully, I'll be getting back in the blogging groove, that is if I can find a way back into my blog.

Happy Easter

2010-04-04T03:43:00.000-04:00

Easter Eve...

2010-04-03T22:44:00.021-04:00

Did you know that Easter Eve is actually a holiday of sorts? Well it is. Not quite like Christmas Eve. It's more of an anniversary. One of my bestest of friends, Krissy, and I picked Easter Eve as the anniversary of our friendship. Tonight is somewhere around our 23rd anniversary. (Wow-that makes me feel very old). Of course there is a story that explains why we picked Easter Eve as our anniversary.

Growing up in our neighborhood was full of awesome. There were a lot of kids. On just our street were three of us girls who were all the same age. And there were older brothers. And, well just a lot of us. It was a big neighborhood. We always had fun-every day! One of our traditions was playing *manhunt* at night. Some of the guys actually wore camouflage, and us girls usually just wore something dark. Another habit that Krissy and I had was telling each of our parents that we were spending the night at the other's house. This always worked out easily and we had many fun nights "out". (Kelley and Bethany better not ever try that. I'm really hoping that my experience as a kid will enable me to know when they are trying to pull one over on me).

So back to Easter Eve...It was one of those nights where we were "at each other's house". We decided to deliver Easter Eggs filled with treats to all of our neighborhood friends. Our brilliant idea was to sign each egg with a marker from the "camo bunny". No joke! As we spent several hours that night filling the eggs with candy, signing the camo bunny's signature, and delivering eggs throughout the neighborhood...it was then that we decided that Easter Eve shall be the anniversary of our friendship!

All these years later, I think back to the good old days. We had so much fun. Of course back then all we really wanted to do was grow up and be adults. Because adults could do whatever they wanted. If only we knew then what we know now...sigh. These days I see the same in Kelley and Bethany, wishing they were grown ups. They have big plans. I tell them all the time that their days as a grown up will be here before they know it, and it will last forever...but the fun days as kids will be gone. And they'll miss them. Like all kids before them, they just don't believe me.

Happy Easter!

woe is me, the final episode (hopefully)

2010-04-01T00:49:00.017-04:00

The tooth is out.

I tried to justify skipping the visit or even postponing it. It's kind of hard to be willing go to a place that inflicts pain. Meaning that I have to be in an utmost and dire condition to willingly go to the dentist for an extraction. Problem was that I wasn't feeling that way at the time. Last week, I was and would gladly go through just about anything short of the way Tom Hanks took out his tooth in the movie Castaway. (Eek! Just thinking about that scene gives me the heebie jeebies). But of course they couldn't pull the tooth then because of the infection and how the anesthetic wouldn't take. OK so yeah, I'd better wait.

After just a couple doses of the antibiotics I was feeling better, so much better. I went through the whole "I'm better now" excuse. Yes it was denial. I knew that once the antibiotics were done, I'd be back to misery. Then there was the issue of the promise I made in prayer during the pain crisis interfering with Taylor Swift. I try to keep all of my promises, and God is definitely not one I want to break a promise with...cause I sort of already did...for a couple of weeks. OK the dentist was a must. I got plenty of pep talks, even from Kelley who has the worst case of dentist fear I've ever seen.

This is how it went down...a couple not so fun needle sticks to numb my mouth. Which didn't work. Followed by a few more really dreadful needle sticks into the sorest parts of my mouth with a different anesthetic. Ouch. But the dentist and assistant assured me I was doing great. And I was now numb. As far as I could tell there was some poking and prodding. A warning of feeling some pressure, not too bad. Another warning of feeling a lot of pressure. Yikes, yes that hurt. Oh crow, what's next?!

And what was next? "OK, you're all done. You did great!". Say what? All done? This was nothing at all like having four impacted wisdom teeth removed. This was a like in the park compared to that. Well, maybe not quite that. But you know what I mean. Of course I was still numb. Like a good patient I took my pain meds before the anesthetic wore off. Then my feeling came back and that was not good...at all. However, it wasn't as bad as some of the pain I had before I went to the dentist.

So, that's that. I hope this truly is the final episode and that my "empty spot" will heal quickly. Still needing to decide what to do with this spot. I have 3 choices, a bridge that would affect the teeth on each side (the problem tooth was the next to last molar on the bottom right). I prefer to not do that, my teeth are pretty healthy and I don't want to do anything to compromise them. Then there is the "frankenstein" tooth, which is essentially a tooth that connects to a screw in my jaw. That sounds creepy and of course is the most expensive option but would not interfere with the surrounding teeth. It would completely use up the year of Mr. H's health savings account and then some. Or I could just leave it as an empty spot. But I just don't know if I could do that. I'm kind of a freak about teeth. And I'd feel all uneven. (Just a little OCD thing I have about my body. Worthy of it's own post. I'll spare you that...for now).

Any input? Have any of you been faced with with similar choices? What did you decide? And thanks for following along with all of my woe is me posts. I know this hasn't made for the most captivating blog series. *blush*

The Story of Zac Smith

2010-03-29T14:17:00.018-04:00

Zac's story was shared with me through Kelly's Korner. His story is heartbreaking. His story is inspiring. I want to pass it along to as many as I can. He has made such an impression on me, and I'm sure many others. Though his time left in our world may be short, Zac is definitely going to be remembered.

While I hope that none of you will ever experience this, you must know that hearing a doctor tell you that you have cancer will turn your world upside down. Everything changes...right then. It's hard to explain and I'm not sure if this happens to all of us when we hear that word, but for me time became so strange. Thoughts and actions seemed to move in slow motion yet at lightning fast speed all at the same time.

One thing that I'm pretty certain about is that all who have to hear those words and face the reality of cancer become very strong and brave. Many people told me that I was strong and brave, which I appreciated because it reminded me that I was exactly that. What I want you all to know is that it wasn't something special that I did. Strong and brave is what everyone who has the experience of cancer is. Everyone.

You find yourself in a new place that is horrible and you don't know how or why you are there. And you are trapped, the entryway is locked behind you. It's like a long hallway with many doors in front of you, doors that you have to open and pass through. You can only move forward through the place and accept whatever is behind each door as you open it. There is no other way. Thankfully there is an end, an exit. Except that you may not realize that. It's true there is an end, and it's different for every person.

Some people are cured and they reach their exit. Some achieve remission but don't reach their exit at the same time, they may have long lasting damage or may have post traumatic stress. Eventually, I hope there is an exit for anyone who has a further walk in this horrible place. And then there are those who sadly aren't cured. They do reach an exit, but I don't know where it is or what it's like. I want to believe that it is a beautiful and peaceful place. A place where only love exists. Where there is only comfort, and we can shed our terribly heavy and sometimes painful bodies. A place that is our true home, with our loving Creator.

That leads me to what I found so inspiring about Zac's story. One way that each of us affected by cancer is different is how we perceive our situations. Though we are all brave and strong in action, our emotions and feelings are totally unique. These feelings will always be with us even when cancer may not. We may be scared, angry, relieved, grateful. I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way to feel. It is our personal feelings, and they are all genuine and true. Zac's life has been turned upside down. He is young and has a family and a purpose. Cancer is stealing all of that away from him and stealing him away from all of that.

Like all of us, Zac has his feelings. He also has faith. A strong and beautiful faith. It is so inspiring. I've never met Zac but I will never forget him. I hope that Zac will make the same impression on you.

The Story of Zac Smith from NewSpring Media on Vimeo.

bullet friday

2010-03-26T13:50:00.012-04:00

Spring Break has officially begun for us, the girls are home.
Not sure how I feel about this, the laid back days are good, the bickering and "I'm bored!" and "It's not fair!" are not good. It's too late now, the bus is gone and I can't put them back on it.
We have no big plans, but will be busy with 4 softball games, one tooth pulling, Easter.
The weather is nice, not hot yet, so maybe we can squeeze in a camping trip or a day at the beach.
Sea World has been on our places to go list for a long time. But now I'm not so sure after the last orca incident. Not that I blame the orca. Just the whole wild animals in captivity thing. Does the bad outweigh the good? Is this something I should take a stand against? I do love animals.
I believe that the antibiotics are working on my tooth problem. My face is not as lumpy and the pain is not constant.
As a rule, I try to avoid antibiotics when at all possible. Germs become resistant, I'm sure of it. I know that lice have. (No, we aren't experiencing that, thank goodness!). I'm a little unnerved that I'm dumping 2,000 mg of antibiotics into my body each day.
Hand sanitizer makes me want to hurl, as we experienced overload back in the chemo days. I believe it also contributes to resistance...washing hands is best!
I finally accepted that I *for real* have a bit of a shopping problem. Acceptance is the first step right?
My biggest shopping addiction? All things for Kelley and Bethany.
It is now time for me to change my ways, which I am going to blog about for accountability.
I will confess real quick that I have packages (a few or maybe more) that I've not opened yet. Don't judge me! Well, maybe you should. *blush*
At last night's game Kelley struck out. Well, actually she refused to swing. I was pretty ticked at her stubborn ways. Next turn, I told her we would have her fave dinner-Olive Garden if she hit a double. She did it. We had Olive Garden. I am not above bribery. Sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do!
I had promised Bethany the same with her restaurant of choice, she hit a single. So she picks dinner tonight. It's a hometown buffet.
Is it wrong to live vicariously through your children? Cause the softball thing? I think I enjoy it more.
Though I can't get Mr. H back on board, I'm getting the bug to move. It's a necessary thing, we have outgrown our house. Due to life's circumstances we can only do this if Mr. H is willing.
We have similar ideas for an ideal home, but they aren't quite reasonable yet. I'm trying to tell Mr. H that it doesn't have to be our "forever" home. We just need space.
We both agree that it would be neat to live in an RV living wherever, whenever. Wouldn't that be cool?
But that wouldn't help our space problem.
Somehow though, Mr. H needs to be motivated. It might work best if he were to think it was "his" idea. So, any ideas on how to plant that seed?

Neighbors...

2010-03-25T22:09:00.005-04:00

I just read about the most crazy neighbors a person possibly could have...poor Snarky Mom at Postcards from Insanity, you've gotta go read about her *neighbors* real quick, I'll wait...

Fortunately our neighbors are all pretty cool. We consider ourselves lucky because the street just isn't the same as it was when I bought this house back in 1997. The ones closest to us are all older, have grandkids and aren't usually a problem. There was an adjustment period when our one neighbor moved in. She's not bad at all, but at the time she had her husband, daughter, daughter's boyfriend, and four grandkids with her. It was a bit, um, too much. Especially the oldest granddaughter who was 16 and not attending school like she should (stuck in 8th! grade) and not at all a good influence on Kelley and Bethany. Heck some of her conversations which were loud enough to be heard caused Mr. H and I to blush and cover out ears. Thankfully all is back to normal now with just grandma and her husband home, and I do hope it stays that way.

We are very, very lucky that there aren't any neighbors close by with dogs who live outside and bark...all.night.long.every.night. I've had those types of neighbors way too many times before and it's not a good thing. Being an animal lover, I was ashamed of the thoughts that ran through my mind night after sleepless night. And I have to wonder, how do the owners get any sleep?

The worst neighbor experience I've had was when I first moved to this town and ended up in a not so great place. (Mom, Dad, why on earth did you pick that place out for me?!) The problematic neighbors were, um, well...I'll just say they were not at all who you'd want to live in the same neighborhood with, let alone next to. I thought the man in particular was pretty gross, but apparently he didn't think so...his car had a plastic plate on the front that said, no joke- "Hot damn! Here I am!".

They had the requisite dog in the yard that barked all night long. Poor dog, I never saw anyone go near it. But yes I admit again, bad thoughts went through my mind, very bad thoughts. This was before the internet where I could have possibly found their phone number (without knowing their name). If only I'd had that number, I would have called them at 3am and perhaps barked into the phone. This was also before cell phones, just think about it, I could have called from their yard and held out the phone to their dog!

It got worse though. This part is absolutely unbelievable, but I tell no lies, it is the honest to goodness truth! The gross man was into CB/ham radios. He would talk on them all the time. How do I know you ask? Well because the radio transmissions were picked up somehow by my stereo and played LOUDLY through my stereo speakers! Even when the stereo was turned off! Even when the stereo was unplugged! There was no getting away from it!

I don't know if these people rented or owned their house. But they did not have the same landlord nor could I figure out who to complain to. I may have called the sheriff, I don't remember because if I did, well it didn't do any good. Needless to say I was so thankful when the lease was up and I got the heck out of there!

Years later I met a girl who it turned out lived in the same place after I did. I never asked her about the neighbors.

Have you had any neighbors from h.e. double hockey sticks? If so, tell me about them!

oh, woe is me...still

2010-03-24T21:26:00.010-04:00

OK totally kidding about the whole "woe is me" thing. The intense pain comes and goes, but I am able to deal with it. Most of the time.

I did want to give an update though...

The tooth in question is still with me. It's plainly seen from an outward glance that something is quite wrong. They took x-rays and apparently it's quite a bit worse than I realized. It will need to come out, but today wasn't the day. Apparently there is so much abscessed and infected areas right down to the bone and if they injected a numbing agent, it wouldn't take. There is no area available to absorb the med and therefore it wouldn't numb anything. Obviously given that circumstance, I wasn't about to argue.

So the plan is a week of round the clock antibiotics and then an extraction in a week. The assistant said it will likely be a surgical extraction and that was how they were going to explain it to the insurance company. I have no idea what the difference is. Not sure I want to know the details.

I'm disappointed that the tooth can't be saved. I've always been a freak about teeth. It probably wasn't my fault that this happened to begin with, but it is totally my fault that it got this bad. So a lesson with consequences for me. Fortunately it's a molar tooth way in the back. And they can permanently install some sort of "frankentooth" that won't affect the teeth surrounding it.

Also, they've discovered some adverse effects to my gums from chemotherapy. They apparently have a plan in mind for that, which I hope will reverse the bad effects.

Guess I'll be spending atleast another week clutching my bottle of Motrin and looking like this:

interruption in blog land for a woe is me moment, and a public service announcement

2010-03-24T11:54:00.013-04:00

Have I mentioned my teeth? I can't remember, likely I have. Be warned this is going to be whiny. But perhaps I can save another from the drama and pain of a tooth gone wrong.

A little back history...I was born and blessed with good teeth. There was no fear of the dentist when I was a kid because I never had a cavity, ever. Well, no fear until it was found that I had four impacted wisdom teeth that needed to be removed. When they told me that I was scared! So I did what I do well and procrastinated until they were so painful I couldn't take it anymore. At that point, I needed them out RIGHT NOW! and since I couldn't get a right now appointment with an oral surgeon who would put me to sleep to take the teeth out, I went to the regular dentist and had all four impacted wisdom teeth removed while I was wide awake. I experienced every single bit of it. The dentist was a kind man, I eventually recovered from the whole dental trauma and I moved on. But, "the dentist" now was a scary thing.

Good teeth, good oral hygiene and all...fell victim to adulthood. The old wives' tale "for every child the mother loses a tooth". Chemo and radiation therapy. And just plain old age. I developed a cavity or two. No fun, but I had them filled and fortunately this occurred after they stopped using that silver colored stuff for fillings. All was well for a few years. Then I noticed a dark spot on a molar tooth. It screamed "CAVITY!" to me. Over the course of a couple years and a couple dentists I was assured that it was not a cavity just a stain. I was not certain, but I trusted them. After I finished chemo and radiation, I thought it would be a good idea to go for a check up. This particular dentist is the son of the dentist who removed my wisdom teeth who had long since been retired. That stain? Was a cavity! And no longer the kind that could be filled. He said words like "root canal" and "crown" and I ran away as fast as I could.

Life in denial was going well til a few months ago when that tooth broke. I was crunching an Everlasting Gobstopper of all things...a jaw-breaker. Ugh. Tooth-breaker. But it was only a smallish break and it didn't hurt. Now I knew better but continued my due diligence with procrastination. The tooth started to hurt. Not bad all the time, but bad enough some of the time. Motrin became routine. Procrastination continued. Then it really started to hurt. Badly. More Motrin and now Orajel were in my arsenal. I'd never had toothaches before, but those who have...warned me. They told me to go to the dentist because it would only get worse. However, after a few days of pain, it would stop. Then come back, then stop.

When we went out of town for a mini-vacation to see Taylor Swift the toothache came back with a vengeance. It was bad. I stepped up my care to left-over Lidocaine from the chemo mouth sore days and that stuff called "Red Cross" which is some sort of clover oil concoction. Neither helped and let me just tell you now-don't ever try that "Red Cross" stuff. Horrible! People have claimed that a toothache could hurt as much as childbirth, to which I always thought was a bit of a stretch. Well I can now personally vouch for this. After having two completely natural labor and deliveries, a toothache can in fact hurt just as badly. Maybe even worse.

I really didn't want to ruin our vacation and wanted to actually enjoy the concert. I prayed about it, and I may have made a promise to get to the dentist as soon as we got home if I could just have some easing of the pain. And no lie! About an hour before the concert my tooth stopped hurting completely. What a blessing. But I confess...I forgot about that little promise I made. I mean, the tooth was feeling better and I was probably all caught up in the excitement of Taylor Swift and all. I think I remembered the promise a week ago or so. And I felt pretty guilty. But I still didn't call the dentist.

In the past couple of days the tooth has been hurting again, pretty badly. Last night my dinner was mashed potatoes. I woke in the middle of the night and I knew then that there was trouble, big trouble. Not being brave enough to look, I took an "Army's dose" and a half of Motrin, a dose of my prescribed pain pills. I eventually was able to go back to sleep. I woke up this morning with an instant reminder of the problem. I went to brush my teeth...and oh holey crow! I resemble a chipmunk with a cheek full of nuts. I peeked into my mouth and gasped. I'm not a doctor, but I was clearly able to diagnose myself with an abscessed tooth. Oh.My.Word.

So let's just end with this...if you make a promise to God-you better keep it. Toothaches can rival natural childbirth. A molehill can turn into a mountain (almost literally). I have a dentist appointment in two hours. And I'm scared! Please learn some sort of valuable lesson here, think of me as taking one for the team!

A quick thank you...

2010-03-23T23:12:00.004-04:00

To all of you who have taken the time to read my thoughts from the earlier post and who have left comments. I encourage all of you to speak up. I do moderate comments and as long as they are not threatening or full of profanity, they will be posted. As I mentioned in a comment, we are all in this together.

I did lose a reader here or there. That was disheartening not from a financial aspect as the blog isn't monetized...but maybe they'll have a change of heart. If they just could realize that I entered a career field that is about saving lives. That is most important to me. Then to add my experience as a patient, it was really eye opening. We all have our passions and this is mine.

Currently working on my newest post...it's about bad habits that aren't so bad after all. Pretty interesting and makes me feel better about some of my own bad habits. Maybe it will help others feel better, too. I hope to have it finished tomorrow.

But for now just wanted to say thanks and that I love y'all!

so um, health care reform, well...

2010-03-22T23:45:00.009-04:00

There were actually some pretty fun, light-hearted blog posts that I wanted to share. I guess the big news lately, though, is the progress of healthcare reform. Since my thoughts about all things health care have been shared before, instead it seems natural to say something about it, now.

I'm going to be totally and completely honest with my thoughts. Which may be hard because I *think* I know my audience and I don't want to alienate anyone or make anyone really mad. But if I don't speak my mind because of that fear, then it will probably just keep me awake all night and I really like my sleep.

OK so in full disclosure, I didn't realize anything had happened. It seemed that any hopes for progress with reform were doomed. And feeling hopeless like I did, well I just quit keeping up with it. Logging on to Facebook today though, wow, yeah that was an experience. It was pretty 50/50 on the response. I won't go into further details about the demographics, but there *was* a couple unifying factors on who felt what way. All in all however, I decided to just not say anything. I posted a funny update about Bethany and logged right off. Said a prayer. Then promptly went outside to do something with the girls.

My thoughts didn't go too far away though. And I think I need to let them out. Not so much about health care situations, cause let's face it...I've shared enough from the medical battle grounds already and if I didn't reach you with that, then I never will. To me it's not about politics or Democrats or Obama or even Pelosi. No, to me it's about the many, many patients I've met either as I've cared for them or as I was treated along side of them. Those people. Which for the most part are just like me...and you.

It was me, it is still me. And many others. I have Medicare now, which is "government healthcare". Well, actually it's my secondary insurance. I have a private insurance as my primary. For as long as they choose to cover me. I learned the hard way that you can in fact be fully insured with a reputable major medical policy. You can pay your premiums on time, every time. Starting off being healthy and then having a catastrophe. Ya know, the kind that "won't ever happen to me". Right.

Try having a *pre-authorized emergency medical admission* complete with heart surgery only to have the claim denied for no.good.reason. It was pre-authorized! That means the insurance company was brought the details of my case, established that it was in fact an emergency and needed to be treated at a tertiary care hospital, and approved it. Then took it back. Leaving me with a bill bigger than my mortgage. Unfixable through appeals.

You don't think that could happen to you? Neither did I. But at the least, I got treated. Way too many, way too damn many, don't get treated. You want to talk about "life" as an issue? Just think about that!

I've rambled on and on about all the other problems that patients have run into on this blog. They run the gamut. Not sure if I ever shared the problems that healthcare facilities have. But think about it this way...if an insurance company reneges on an obligation to pay a large amount of money for treatment, money they can't drain from an unemployed, disabled, sick person...who do you think pays that facility? And I'm not talking about bums who don't work, I'm talking about the person who went to their full-time job one day and found themselves in the hospital the next. Well, everyone does! Have you ever seen the cost of a single dose of Tylenol at the hospital?

Over the past year or so I've paid attention to the comments people make about health care reform. So many are insured through great major medical policies. Their concern? "Well now I may lose what I have!" Um, wow. If you feel this way, let me ask you...do you think it's possible that you may have a false sense of security? And my word, where is the compassion for your fellow humans? Good people...like you?!

The other one that bugs me, "God help us". Hello! God is IN CONTROL ALWAYS. I'll admit to a few "God help us" though, like for example when we started a preemptive war when we already had one war going on. Way to spread our troops thin when they need to be strong. "But they had WMD's-we know it!". Just like some claim to know all about death squads who want to kill off our senior citizens. "Just look! It's on page um, page um, it's right here, no not there, wait maybe here, no. Well, hmm...it's here. Somewhere!" Right.

Sorry for the rant. But. Please. The system is broken. Do I know how to fix it? Nope. But atleast someone's willing to try. I'm sure to have some people "UNFOLLOW!" after this. I hope you don't, really. Though we may have different views does not mean I don't appreciate your friendship, because I do. I appreciate you. I care about you. But for anyone who feels led to dump me after this...I sure as heck hope you are going to decline Medicare when you retire or become disabled and are eligible for it. If you feel that strongly against the government's help and all...

One last thing, and then I promise I'll go back to the fun stuff. I even have a contest planned! President Obama? Yes he is our President. He deserves the same respect that any President past or future deserves. But, for the love, he is a man. Created by God. And that's all I'm going to say about that!

owls...

2010-03-21T13:49:00.003-04:00

I think owls are so neat! Once while taking a walk at night, there was a huge owl perched on top of a stop sign. I spent a good while just watching it, wishing someone else was with me to share in the moment.

Awhile back I read the book Wesley the Owl: The Remarkable Love Story of an Owl and His Girl. If you love animals and owls, it's a must read! I laughed, I cried...definitely a great book!

So I was thrilled when my bloggy friends Jeanette and Shana shared Molly the Owl with me! It's a live feed of a barn owl named Molly. She has five eggs that are due to hatch in the coming days and weeks. In fact, I believe one is hatching now. Her "husband" McGee visits and brings her food. Very neat and I'm now totally addicted to watching Molly now!

Video streaming by Ustream

my swagbucks are broken

2010-03-13T14:11:00.003-05:00

Yes, you read that right. My swagbucks? Broken. How does this sort of thing happen? How did I do that? Only me, I tell ya, only me...

It all started right after they started giving 10 and 20 bucks instead of 1 or 2. I searched, and won! I had to enter a 3 letter code, but before I could do it...the whole thing just vanished.

*poof*

Now I can tell when I should have won. There's a big, blank, buckless area. My total doesn't increase. And it's just such a shame. Really. One of the highlights of my day was winning swagbucks. Yes, you may have occasionally heard a "sqee!" out of me when I won. All is not completely lost, I get a random buck here or there for having the toolbar. Alas, it is not enough.

I've contacted them, the swagbucks people, and they seem to be trying to help. Asking me various questions about my computer and browser, asking for screen shots of the elusive swagbucks. But try as they might, my problem has not been fixed. And it's a bummer.

By the way, if you haven't started using swagbucks instead of your normal searching methods...well you need to start. Seriously, it's a win/win! You do your usual internet searching and they give you bucks. Then you can trade bucks in for all sorts of things- gift cards, prizes, etc. If you want you can sign up under me *here* , then when you start searching and winning, I will win too. Up to 100 swagbucks per referral. Make sure that you pass along your referral link, too. Another win/win!

Now if only they'd hurry and fix my swagbucks...I'd be a happier girl! And seriously who besides me could manage to break their swagbucks?!

more ways to give back and pay it forward & an update

2010-03-12T21:05:00.029-05:00

It occurred to me not long after I wrote about some of the ways I give back and pay it forward that I left out an organization that I believe in and support, The Liz Logelin Foundation. I've written about The Logelin Family in the past and it's a great time to remember them again.

...If you aren't familiar with the logelin family, you can check out their blog *here*. Liz Logelin died suddenly the day after her first child was born. Her husband, Matt, found himself not only a widower but also a single parent to a newborn. Matt and Madeline's adventures and life are shared via their blog. It's sure to make you laugh and make you cry. Out of this tragedy came the liz logelin foundation which raises funds for other widows and widowers. One of the ways they raise money is "$7 on the 7th", donating $7 on the 7th of each month. It doesn't seem like a lot, but it does add up and many families have been helped through these efforts...

***

Recently I learned of a family who is in the process of adopting two daughters from the Ukraine. These little sweethearts have Down Syndrome and sadly the future for children with this syndrome in the Ukraine and other countries is very bleak and lacking in hope. I now have a button on my blog that will take you to Room for More, where you can follow along with their journey. The family also has a lot of really neat ways that you can help them in raising the funds needed for these adoptions. Please give them a visit!

***

I am thrilled to announce that I am now the proud sponsor of two boys from Kenya through Compassion. For some reason it took me way too long to make the commitment, over a year. I guess I was trying to find exactly who I was meant to sponsor. I was so touched by Vincent who you can also read about here at We Are THAT Family, that all of a sudden it became clear who I was looking for. Within a couple short moments it also became clear that I was looking for two people.

As soon as I receive my information packets, I'll be sure to tell you all about the two new members of our family. Mr. H took a peek at them and their stories online and he seems pretty excited too. The girls haven't had a chance to actually hear all of the details yet. One thing that did stand out to Mr. H and I is that if the opportunity to take a trip so far away were to be possible, that we could actually visit Kenya and our sponsored children with the help of Compassion. Visiting Africa has always been on my list of things I want to do some day and now we have a reason. I'm going to start a savings fund now and maybe just maybe when Kelley and Bethany are a bit older, we'll take a trip!

Could you make me a recipe please?

2010-03-12T03:15:00.003-05:00

The recipe I'm looking for should be fairly simple, hopefully, as I'm still in the beginning stages of becoming a real live cook. I need a salad dressing!

Here is what would be on the salad in need of a dressing...

Baby Spinach Leaves
Tomatoes
(Perhaps onion, though probably not-Mr. H is afraid of onions)
Chopped hard-boiled eggs
Chopped up crispy bacon
Shredded cheese of some sort
(Perhaps mushrooms, though probably not-Mr. H and I are afraid of mushrooms)

I think that's it. Well unless you can think of something yummy to add to it. (FYI we tried gorgonzola cheese once and it was not a good thing).

What is missing is the dressing. The creator of the dressing is someone I'm no longer in touch with. The original dressing was home made with oils though a little thicker, possibly with some sort of light mustard. It was sweet and tangy. And very tasty. The dressing doesn't have to have mustard though.

Any ideas? Thanks!

P.S. Kelley and Bethany are not big on veggies but they love salad. As we all know iceberg lettuce has no nutritional value to speak of. Baby spinach leaves? Well I hope they are chock full of nutrients because the girls love them! How about your kiddos?

giving back and paying it forward...

2010-03-03T15:46:00.013-05:00

I received a message from a friend Carolynn, who battled NHL at the same time I did, after my recent post sharing my ups and downs (admittedly mostly downs). She mentioned a great thing about giving back and helping others. I totally agree with her and wanted to write a more upbeat post about "me" these days. One thing that I haven't started doing is volunteering. Mr. H and I have talked about the possibility of doing that. We talked about some of the many things I can do and some of the things I'd like to do but may not be physically up to. I'll share more about that in the future. Today I'll write about the things I'm doing now. It's my hope that this post will encourage all of you to "give back" and "pay it forward". Even on a small scale you can put a smile on someone's face, remind them that you care and help them out...all of these things make the world a better place!

In the past 3 years I have received so much from so many. I know I've mentioned that over and over. Please know that I'm not being boastful, well maybe I am. Looking up the definition of boast came up with this: "To speak of with excessive pride", and I do that. Not of my own actions but of the kindness of others. All these years later and I'm still so very thankful and amazed.

I have offered many thank you's, but they always feel short of the gratitude I feel. The only way that I have come up with to properly express my gratitude is by "giving back" and "paying it forward". I love to do this! I have a sort-of donation budget each month. I say sort-of because when things like the earthquake in Haiti happened, I was led to donate but didn't want to count that in my budget. Things like that happen randomly, so they are outside of my normal budget.

There really is no rule for who or where my donations go. Unfortunately, I've learned the hard way that there are people out there who will take advantage of a situation. That upsets me because that particular donation could have gone to a better cause. So usually I help people who are fighting lymphoma, mostly because those are the needs that I am aware of and I know that there really is a need. Also organizations related to blood cancers like The LLS, Team in Training and throughout the year various Relay For Life activities.

I do need to step up my help to other non-cancer organizations that are important to me. I can definitely do more for the ASPCA or even my local humane society. However, as a family we do a lot of "hands on help" like rescuing kittens. We don't stick with cats only, there's been a few trips to various animal rescue centers with a baby bird who's been abandoned and situations like that. And a few tortoises have been helped, even if it's just a lift across the street.

Then there is the gift closet, which at this point is empty. However, when I come across something while out shopping or online that makes me think of a friend, I'll get it. I guess in a way Amazon has become my go-to gift closet, it's so easy to send an item to someone else. Mr. H teases me about my shopping habit, his favorite quote to make fun of me is "click-it's mine!". He needs to rephrase that to "click-it's their's!"

One last thing I'll mention is something that is happening right now, Compassion's trip to Kenya. Compassion International is a great organization I've learned about helping children all around the world with housing, food, medical care, schooling, and ministry. Compassion encourages you to sponsor a child and from what I've learned you really do get to communicate with and get to know that child. Kelley and Bethany are very excited to sponsor a child, so that's something we'll be doing soon. Every so often Compassion will take a trip with several bloggers who then share their experiences. I love to follow along with them and right now they're in Kenya. You can follow along too, there's a button on my blog to keep up with the bloggers, which I'll also add to this post. And you can follow their twitter link here: http://twitter.com/theshaungroves/compassion-bloggers-kenya

let's talk about something fun, recreating space!

2010-03-02T13:48:00.008-05:00

ok, so a lot of my future goals involve beautifying my home. a recent blog sensation (though i think it's gone now) had a family of 5 and wanting to grow in a very small space. we are a family of 4 that probably won't grow, plus pets in a kind of smallish home.

my first desire would be to move to a larger home. however, due to circumstances that is completely up to mr. h to pursue. don't get me wrong, he accepts input, but the financials are on him. he had a house he fell in love with, we had several offers and extended offers that were accepted. but on the selling end disaster after disaster occurred and the deal was off. i'll give mr. h kudos for being patient (overly patient). that particular house is now in some sort of process of foreclosure, i don't know if he would be able to attain it. because of this, mr. h has lost interest in really getting out there looking for homes. we tell him that the time is now, prices are good and not going to last forever. again, it's on him. so that leaves us where we're at...my batchelorette pad.

my first round of questions is regarding the girl's room. they did have a room remodel a couple years ago thanks to their mammie and papa which included the bunkbeds, repainting and bedding/curtains. here is a picture of their room right after that was put together sans any wall decorations or additional items like toys, tv, etc. it's mostly a shot of the bed. there isn't too much more to add other than open space at the foot of the bed to closet, which is now not a closet but an open nook.

we all debate the need for the girls to have their own room. i believe that one day this will be something they want. at this point they can't make up their mind. they say they want their own rooms, but i think they would more than likely stick together even if they had two seperate spaces. they are 9 and 10 1/2, with kelley entering middle school next year.

what do you all think? do kids need their own rooms? and at what age should it become necessary? i've been reading lots of blogs of large families who believe that kids do not need their own room, that together time is spent outside of the bedroom. i'm an only child so i have no opinions. i did have a room mate at boarding school and that worked out fabulously, we were two peas in a pod.

the bottom bunk is not connected and could be wheeled to another location leaving a neat little cubby under the top bunk. also they have a small tv stand with a new flatscreen tv/dvd player (thank you papa!). beyond that is toys, toys, and more toys. one toybox that is "little tykes" style. they each have an armoir for their american girl dolls. i've gotten lots of smallish varying sized tote boxes and several hanging style "shelving" units-they are fabric like and can hold folded clothes, toys, stuffed animals, etc. and also a couple styles of over-the-door pocket organizers.

we have taken off the doors to their closet and i've moved all of their hanging clothes to another closet in our mini hallway (board games are stored in that closet as well). as they are getting older and preferring jeans and shirts to actual outfits, i don't see a big need for hanging closet space other than for church dresses. the new closet area has given them a bit more room. they each have a hanging shoe rack on opposite ends.

the only other detail is that they have their own bathroom which can be accessed from their room directly via a sliding pocket door.

do you have any ideas on how to maximize their space? one goal i have is to make each girl their own desk area. this can be in their room (maybe the emptied closet nook) or outside of their room. would you leave the bottom bunk in place or see if it might fit elsewhere in the room (again thinking the emptied closet nook).

i think once i actually utilize the new storage items i've gotten then it would really change the room.

and my last question for the girl's room...how do you keep your kids rooms clean? i can't decide if my girls are slobs or if it's the norm? i remember my room was messy and i had to be in the "mood" to clean it. so it could be normal or they could have just inherited the slobbiness from me. typically, i clean their room when i can't stand not being able to walk about their room. but i know they are old enough to an adequate job themselves. bethany has a terrible habit of shoving all sorts of things into all sorts of places that they don't belong. so, please...share your secrets!

heavy-hearted and honest sharing of the funk

2010-03-01T20:02:00.012-05:00

This is likely going to be a "woe is me" post, feel free to skip it if you're looking for a cheery read.

I'm feeling pretty down today. Well, truthfully I've been in a bit a funk for awhile. In full disclosure this funk has clung to me or me to it for a long time, a couple of years probably. It's wearing me down now. Today my feelings of sadness and disbelief of how my life has changed are pretty strong. Perhaps letting these feelings out will help.

I know how and why I've gotten to this place, well mostly. But completely at a loss on how to get out of it. I'm trying though, really.

There is so much joy in my heart and in my imagination. The littlest things can completely make my spirit sing. There's something or some things that seem hell bent on smothering that joy. Maybe it's me or maybe it's just the way life is.

When I was working, I worked a lot. Some days it was a standard 8 hours, some days closer to 12. All too often I would work my job, then have to come back and fill in another whole shift at night. (This is the type of thing that they don't tell you about in nursing school). It sucked so much time and energy out of me I often felt I had nothing left. It caused a certain amount of stress which led to anxiety and even depression. I missed my girls. I was fortunate to be able to stay home for Kelley's first year which sadly was filled with other things that took away from what should have been the best year of my life. Bethany however missed out completely, I went back to work before her sixth week, during off hours that Mr. H was home. Actually, I missed out completely.

I would think about all of the ways life would be better if only I didn't have to work so much. If only I could stay home. What fun I would have with Kelley and Bethany. I would do this and do that. If only...

Now it's been close to three years since I've worked. This is not by choice but by necessity of my health. I met many people when I had lymphoma who were also in various stages of battling the disease, Hodgkin's and Non-Hodgkin's. Some had less treatment, some had more. And now so many of them have gotten back to life and I haven't. This isn't fair, I'll think, why am I not back to way it was before? Oh yeah, I had a complication or two. Permanent complications, unless I opt to have this set of hideous surgeries. The ones that my Vascular Specialist can do, but doesn't want to do. The ones that my Oncologist and Osteopath both say, they'd rather I not. So, it appears that I'm stuck.

But remember how I wanted to be home so badly? Now I am. However it's not the way I planned, not at all. The girls are in school now. I am so happy to be there when they get off the bus. Their "work day" ends now when school is out, not when my work day is done like it was before. That's a great thing about being home.

The rest though? It's so strange, I have all of this time now. My days and nights run into each other. I often feel anxious like I did when I was working, as if there isn't enough time. This is a mystery to me. My obligations are few. In fact they are so few that I have become a bit of a recluse.

At first it was because I was exhausted from treatments and I had no hair. Then it was because I had started retaining fluid and looked so huge and round and puffy. It looked so odd on my short and smallish frame and I was embarrassed. When I would go out, I found that I could function ok for the day, but the next day was awful-full of pain and fatigue.

As a result, came seclusion. I stopped visiting with and talking on the phone with my friends. Allowing my only interactions with the outside world being online. I've turned down so many requests of friends who wanted to get together. I wasn't a big TV watcher, but I stopped watching TV completely, even the few shows I really enjoyed. I love music, but stopped listening to it. This became so obvious when I tried to think of songs I liked from 2008/2009 and found I only knew a handful of them. My picture taking has slowed down quite a bit, not remembering the last time I shared new pictures of the girls. (even beyond the missing camera mystery) That is just not me!

Another thing that makes me sad is how much I've come to rely on others and how I've changed the way they live their life. That has to be stressful for them. I am blessed with amazing parents who would do anything for me. I don't often have to ask them, they anticipate my needs ahead of time. Mr. H's life has become complicated. Some of the changes I believe are good for him, helping him to become the leader of our household. But some of it isn't good. He's a hospice nurse. He takes care of sick and dying patients, when he's not working though, he is still taking care of me. He can't get away from it. There are so many days that I am pretty low physically or emotionally. He has to deal with the physical help, making sure I have all of my medications, and also being on the receiving end of the emotional overload that spills out of me. Oh, my parents have had to deal with that too. And the girls. Everyone does. Back to Mr. H, he also does the bulk of our shopping and assists me with taking care of Kelley and Bethany. It's a lot. He even started taking college classes this semester and that makes me proud. Maybe college is a nice respite from the home. This is something I encourage him to do often, get out of the house and do something he enjoys, spend time with friends, even take a night or two to spend at a hotel to just be alone and relax. Unfortunately he doesn't often do any of it, maybe he's too worn out. His stress level is high and that's not good for any of us.

As for the girls, they are doing ok. I think. I hope. The initial fear of something happening to me seems to have passed. They are happy and healthy. School is going well. Outside of school they spend time with friends, spend time with my parents every weekend, are involved in church and usually an activity-currently softball. But there are clues that they miss the old life we had. Especially with Bethany. When I wear the perfume I used to wear to work she always notices it and then follows with a "remember when" story. Since I don't go out often my normal attire is pajamas. When I do get dressed even just in a jeans and tee, Bethany is completely wowed and tells me how beautiful I look.

All in all, we are surviving. But I know that I have disrupted so many lives and continue to. This makes me sad, angry, guilty. It makes me want to push myself harder physically and that inevitably ends up not so great. Humbled, the emotions overflow.

One thing that interests me is all of the neat things I want to learn and create. There's time for that now. My intentions are well meaning but when it comes right down to it I never seem to be able to start any of the tasks. I have so many plans. But it's a dichotomy of sorts. Believing that these goals will help me rise above the funk. And often unable to begin working on the things I want to do because I'm stuck in a funk. The one thing that I love and haven't lost the ability or desire to do is read, so I'm always reading. It's my hope that very soon the list of things I'm doing will grow.

There are some actual accomplishments that I must share in order to not come off as completely pathetic. I'm going out more. Taking some of the workload off of Mr. H (not much, just a bit), I'm running more quick errands instead of asking him. We have had date nights out of the house, which he loves. I'm getting out more with Kelley and Bethany, which they love. Spring softball started for them a few weeks ago. This endeavor is something that I do with them all on my own and we haven't missed a practice. I enjoy it as much as they do, maybe even more. We're going to see Taylor Swift in concert this Friday, part of Bethany's birthday gift. All of us are excited about that! These things may seem small but in my reality they are in fact big deals. I hope that my family feels the same. And I hope it's a start of progress.

Through my old job I met a friend who I had a lot in common with, sometimes I think we may be kindred spirits. Our lives have now ended up in similar circumstances where she is now disabled like me and at home full time. After we parted ways at work, we still spoke daily and spent time together. But as I fell into the funk, she is one of the many that I stopped communicating with the past couple years. No more visits or phone calls, just an occasional email. She would ask over and over for me to call her or visit or let her come to me. My answer was always an apologetic no. I have no real reason for why I shut her out but I did. Over the past couple days we have been exchanging emails and I finally asked her if I could come back into her life and maybe stop over sometime soon to visit. Thankfully she said yes. This is something that I hope I will do. It's something I need to do. Another step out of this pit of despair and self imposed isolation.

For all of you who have asked how I've been doing and got an answer that things were fine, good, etc. All of this is the real answer. Not wanting to be a "Debbie Downer", I tried to appear upbeat. To the few of my friends that I've kept it real with, I thank you for always listening and never becoming bored or exasperated with me. Thank you for helping me make it through my darkest of days.

As for those dark days, yes this was another one. This one though, I've shared with everyone. It must have been therapeutic to let it all out as I feel a bit lighter. Not sure that I really want to hit submit, but I've said to lots of people, lots of times that I am open, honest and own my words. So here they are. To all of you that have made it this far...thank you!

tim tebow's super bowl commercial...

2010-02-27T17:23:00.000-05:00

final (way overdue) update:

first i have to admit that i don't often watch NFL football, i'm an NCAA football girl. this was the first super bowl i've watched in a long time. to me it was a bigger deal because of the new orleans saints playing and of course the curiosity of the much hyped tebow commercial. all that being said...the game was great! the commercial? much ado about nothing in my opinion.

with all of the talk ahead of time i was expecting to see a really serious, conservative, potentially dramatic and football mood ruining commercial. it was none of that, in fact, i thought the commercial was rather cutesy and a bit cheesy. other than promoting a visit to the FOTF website, i didn't see any substance. honestly? it was a huge waste of money! i checked the price to find that super bowl ads typically cost at the least 2.5 million dollars. apparently this ad space was paid for by FOTF, who received generous donations from friends to fund it. very generous friends!

don't you think that money could have been used for the same cause but in a better way? i definitely do. think about all of the organizations out there that help pregnant women who are in unfortunate situations. what about the many couples who would love to adopt, but find it unattainable because of the high costs? or how about the many orphans in our country and abroad? surely that hefty amount of money could have helped many and still promoted the message of life.

i'm still a fan of the tebow family. i'm still not a fan of FOTF. and i believe that all in all, the much hyped, very expensive ad was a big fail. i can only hope that like i previously wrote, the message helped even one woman to have the courage to have a baby that they otherwise felt too scared or overwhelmed to have.

i'd like to know about your thoughts. do you think that any good was accomplished by the commercial?

update:

after chatting about this on facebook, i now see that part of the big deal is the lack of consistency when it comes to what will be aired or not. apparently, there were other commercials in super bowl's past that never made it to tv-i guess they were more liberal in nature. i will say that i do disagree with that. if the network is going to air a potentially controversial commercial then they shouldn't "pick and choose" when it comes to freedom of speech. because we're all created equal right? and i do admit that the super bowl is really not the time that anyone wants to think about heavy topics. though i do support this commerical, i hope that in the future "the platform" will be more equal. oh, and i'm not really a fan of FOTF-for whatever that's worth.

original post:

i would have completely missed this if not for my bloggy friend anemone pie. so i'm glad she posted about this. apparently there's quite the controversy over a commercial set to air during the super bowl with tim tebow. in summary, he is spreading the message about choosing "life". apparently his own mother was ill during her pregnancy with tim and was advised to terminate the pregnancy. she chose to continue the pregnancy and thankfully gave birth to a healthy baby. you can read more about it *here*.

as you know, i am a huge gator fan and i adore tim tebow...not just as a football player but as a person. in the years he spent playing for UF, he never disappointed. and he doesn't just "talk the talk" he also appears to "walk the walk". that is important to me!

i am also a believer in choice. a strong believer in choice. but to *me* choice doesn't just equal one option. it encompasses all options. the topic is a very passionate one and everyone has their own passionate views. i really don't think a commercial will change many views, even if it's from tim tebow.

BUT... if his message will help even one woman to have the courage to have a baby that they otherwise felt too scared or overwhelmed to have...i think that's a great thing!

no need to cause a big ruckus about the commercial, in my tim tebow loving, pro-choice mind. =)

65 in 365-first month update:

2010-02-26T20:33:00.008-05:00

ok gotta be honest, i don't think much was accomplished. guess we'll see as i work my way down the list. if by some odd chance anything was completed, i will bold it and mark it as done. things that have been started and are still ongoing will be bolded and marked as ongoing (and i'm pretty sure nothing has become routine yet). anything that is recurring and numbered will be updated. and there will be some random comments for things i absolutely blew off. this will be humbling but a good accountability check!

House-Projects:

1. paint and redecorate master bedroom
2. paint and redecorate master bathroom
3. repair tile around master bathroom tub
4. redecorate living room
5. redecorate screened back porch
6. have entire wood trim around house exterior and leaky window replaced
7. create desk areas for the girls

(all but one are pretty major projects, no surprise that this was a complete fail)

House-Organizing:

8. purge and reorganize girl's room-(a major purge has been done, but with kids it is forever ongoing. haven't gotten to the reorganizing part yet)
9. purge all unused items-trash, donate or sell-(ongoing, quite a bit is gone, still a long way to go)
10. make use of storage space efficiently and creatively-(i've gotten several organizational items-boxes, files, toy, shoe and hanging clothes organizers. have not used them yet. ongoing)
11. organize and file away important papers
12. order prints and update girl's photo albums (0/2)
13. get caught up on laundry and maintain a regular laundry schedule

Family Time:

14. have a movie or game night 1x per week
15. read a novel with the girls every other month (0/6)
16. date night with mr. h 1x per month (1/12)
17. date with kelley 1x per month (1/12)
18. date with bethany 1x per month (1/12)
19. go to a concert
20. take a family vacation
21. visit 2 theme parks (0/2)
22. go to "the nutcracker" ballet next fall/winter

The Girls:

23. start and complete kelley's dental work
24. start and complete bethany's chiropractor appointments
25. enroll bethany in gymnastics
26. convince girls to play spring softball and sign them up-(DONE)!
27. order ladybugs and butterflies for kelley's gardens

Me:

28. read all actual books i still have and then stick to my sony reader (2/??)
29. start skin care routine-(started but not a habit yet)
30. get a haircut
31. keep feet pedicured and toenails painted-(pedicured, painted and ongoing)
32. start taking vitamins and supplements daily
33. make dentist appointment and actually go
34. make oncology appointment and actually go
35. use wii fit plus daily
36. walk daisy 3x per week
37. get a new tattoo
38. find good homes for the kittens (3/5, bethany has claimed one as hers. ongoing)
39. catch up on 3 tv series on dvd (0/3, just got most recent season of house-can't wait to watch it! ongoing)
40. see 3 movies at the theater (0/3)

Socializing:

41. take all extended family out for dinner
42. call a friend or family member 1x per week
43. meet up with 2 friends i haven't seen in years (0/2)

(too bad email doesn't count. so far i've tanked on this. but have added a new thing-i love and miss actual "snail mail" so i'm going to start sending real letters to people. ordered cute sets of personalized note cards, stationery and labels)

Creativity:

44. learn how to use my DSLR camera and then use it exclusively
45. learn how to edit photos with photoshop
46. learn how to operate flip camcorder and make videos with the girls
47. get a personalized blog template-(switched templates but not a custom one yet, ongoing)
48. set up a crafting area
49. restart learning to sew
50. make a gift for each family member next christmas
51. start writing a book-(set up a private blog to work on this and started brainstorming topics, ongoing)

Money:

52. reopen ebay store
53. have ebay items all listed by back to school time
54. cut back on shopping for girl's clothes by at the least half -(trying to show restraint with spring and summer wardrobes, ongoing).
55. pay off credit cards, charge nothing to already paid off cards (1/4)-(Major FAIL, bought fairly expensive item for mr. h and charged it to paid off card. ugh.).
56. open savings accounts for both girls (0/2)
57. cut back on usual spending next christmas
58. start saving for a fun family "luxury" item

Cooking:

59. have home cooked dinners 5x per week
60. bake with the girls 1x per month
61. host meal for extended family
62. grow an herb garden and use fresh herbs when cooking

(i have a start of a meal plan and grocery list, just need to go grocery shopping. too many convenience meals. bad!)

Techy Stuff:

63. set up my itouch
64. set up ipod for the girls
65. save all pictures, music, patterns and documents to portable hard drive

ok, so not great at all. i better step it up for the next update...

bullet friday

2010-02-26T17:04:00.007-05:00

i'm really far behind on everything online, hence the lack of written out blog posts.
seems that internet surfing has become a full time job that i just can't keep up with.
how wrong is that?!
at one point there were close to 700, yes SEVEN HUNDRED, unread posts in my google reader.
i'm proud to say that i have diligently gotten caught up til today.
unread emails in my email accounts? really bad. mostly store sale updates.
despite all of this, i really do have things i want to blog about!
and i owe y'all a "65 in 365" update. i don't think you'll be "wowed" at all, though.
moving on...i decided a while back that i am now too old to enjoy magazines like cosmo and glamour, so much of the content has nothing i can relate to anymore.
i love magazines, though. thankfully subscriptions are cheap on amazon.
and i've found one that i really, really like...redbook!
i still do love me some people magazine. yes, i'm nosy.
my people usually arrives on friday. it did not arrive today, bummer.
kelley and bethany having been having *moods*.
not only do i not know how to deal with them, i don't believe they are old enough to be having *moods*. ugh.
i am however enjoying their softball season, just practices so far. all of the little girls really pack a punch!
also thrilled with how swagbucks has given ten bucks for every one!
thinking i need to hurry and redeem them before they change their minds.
but wondering why some gift cards cost so many more swagbucks than others?
gotta run...blogs to read, emails to delete, facebook to catch up on, and my forums and chat groups? i miss you all! i hope to check in soon. =)

tidbit time

2010-02-22T15:51:00.005-05:00

It's been awhile since I've done a "tidbit" post. Alison from Targetmommy Diaries gave me the reminder. So, here ya go...

10 things i like right now:

1. Jesus (always...lately i've been learning more and more about Him)
2. softball
3. sony ebook reader
4. DIY pedicures
5. herbal essences tousle me softly hair products
6. caramello candy bars
7. snuggling
8. pillows
9. kelley and bethany (they amaze me)
10. shopping

10 things i do not like right now:

1. pizza
2. mornings
3. fatigue
4. migraines
5. new trend of sharing porn addictions with the public (that's personal...TMI!)
6. bickering
7. mood swings
8. loud neighbors
9. kid bullies
10. laundry

10 things i do not care about right now:

1. the olympics (i prefer the summer olympics)
2. reality tv
3. tiger woods and his lame excuses
4. jennifer aniston
5. petty drama from adults
6. facebook games that clog up my news feed
7. the 2012 presidential election
8. hummus and all those other trendy foods
9. dieting
10. gymboree (gasp! the girls have moved on and i guess i have too)

Reconnecting with a friend who made me her "hero"!

2010-02-21T01:10:00.005-05:00

Growing up I lived in Ohio. I would spend about a month of every summer vacation with my Grandma and Grandpa Roger who lived several hours from us. As a kid it seemed like it took forever to get there. Though the drive was definitely worth it-I loved visiting my grandparents!

One of the perks of visiting was spending time with their neighbors including, Tammy, who was my age. I absolutely had a blast with her! She was one of my favorite friends. I wished that we lived closer and could have been able to see each other more than once, sometimes twice a year.

When I was 10 we moved to Florida and my grandparents did as well. Sadly, I didn't get to visit my awesome friend anymore and we lost touch. That is until a few months ago when we reconnected on Facebook after 25 years! As a side note, I am so thankful for Facebook. I have reconnected with so many people from all the different times of my life and places I've lived. I am also connected to people that I know now, too. It's really a great thing!

Since I had just recently reconnected with Tammy, she didn't know about my experience with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I was really surprised when I saw that she was participating in The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training. It's a charity sports training program that has raised a lot of funds to support various aspects of the blood cancers leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma. Click here on *Team in Training* to learn more about the program.

I told her that I had fought NHL, thanked her for participating in such a great cause and that I would be making a donation. She was shocked to hear about my experience and asked me to be her "hero", the person she is running for. That is such an honor for me!

Please check out *Tammy's fundraising page* and consider making a donation to help her reach her goal. All donations go to a great cause dedicated to funding blood cancer research and providing education and patient services.

Thanks!

my list adventure...

2010-02-14T00:31:00.006-05:00

i saw this on the gizmola's blog and thought it looked like fun. and just in time for my update coming soon on my first month of "65 in 365", which i'm afraid is going to be more nay's than yay's. so here's a list of things that i've done. i hope y'all will do this too. be sure to let me know in the comments so i can check your list. just copy and paste, then bold the things you've done! fun stuff!

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland (but only if disney world counts)

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty (no, but i have seen it in person)

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been inside an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Read the entire Bible

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life (well, participated in CPR that did bring the person back to life when the paramedics arrived. however, she didn't ultimately survive. and have gotten patients out of a nursing home and into the ambulance in time.)

90. Sat on a jury (did get called for jury duty, never had a chance to be picked, thankfully. a scary responsibility if you ask me.)

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

some random things i have done that are notable and not on the list...

1. have been at the bedside during the death of patients. some passed peacefully. some were failed efforts of CPR. all have greatly impacted me.

2. got married wearing "boyfriend jeans", actually my fiance or new husband's jeans.

3. had and beat a blood cancer, had a surgery of the heart lining in the process.

4. since i was little i have rescued atleast 25 cats/kittens, kept some, found homes for most, looking for homes for the last two of the most recent litter.

5. have seen a space shuttle launch from my yard and heard several "sonic booms" from the landings. they're scary if you don't know what it is, they shake the house!

6. been directly affected by hurricanes andrew, charley, frances, jeanne and wilma.

7. visited the historical home of a very distant relative, mark twain (samuel clemens), in connecticut.

8. visited lake mead and hoover dam, went to the bottom of the dam.

9. went parasailing.

10. saw a giant sea turtle laying eggs at the beach at night.

and what i have really missed out on...

more traveling, both in the US and in many other countries. i've not visited any country that is not in north america, unless you count the bahamas.

my tale of hair, baldness and hair again...

2010-02-10T23:42:00.021-05:00

i had recently attempted to leave a blog comment for someone who has battled cancer and in the process lost her hair, spent time being bald and now has come full circle back to having hair. my comment ended up too long to be accepted and i realized that it was actually a blog and caring bridge post in the making. in the past i have tried to keep my cancer related posts on my caring bridge page where it's a bit more appropriate. for some reason though, i really felt like i should share it here as well. i have been sharing bits of my experience here more often. if it is becoming unfitting or uncomfortable to you all, please let me know. cancer is an awful subject. one that does need to be talked about. this may not be the place and i understand that. if you would prefer that i keep it more to my caring bridge page, please let me know.

it may seem odd or even vain and inappropriate to some, that when faced with a serious illness and not knowing if you are going to live or die, that hair would be on the radar at all. let alone be a big deal at that time. maybe to others it isn't or wouldn't be. as i look back and even as i think about it now, it was a big deal to me. now i didn't carry on about it a lot, in fact i tried to be accepting and brave. there were times though that i lost that calm demeanor. after all, i am a girl.

not quite three years ago i was faced with the fact that i was going to lose my hair to chemotherapy. i knew it, and that it was unavoidable. i was prepared. mr. h and i picked out various head coverings and even a wig while i still had my hair. i was even able to laugh about it at times with my family and friends. they were all (and still are) very supportive of me. i was ready for it. or so i thought.

the day my hair started to really fall out, as in handfuls, i cried. i thought i would be ok with it. but reality is cruel sometimes. mr. h went ahead and shaved it off for me. how hard that must have been for him. but he did it so that i could be in control.

i had told the girls that this was going to happen. i tried to prepare them as best i could. we shaved my hair off while the girls were in school, thinking that would be the least traumatic way for them. looking back, that may not have been the best way. or maybe there really was no right way to prepare them for it. bethany was so upset, she cried a lot and needed to talk about it. kelley may have been too, but she kept it to herself out of respect for my feelings i believe, i admire her bravery. such strong little girls-they were only 6 and 7 1/2 at the time. bethany has beautiful natural curls...that she did not get from me. i told her that maybe God would let my hair grow back in beautiful curls like hers. well, that seemed to offer her even the tiniest bit of comfort. and for the next several months she prayed and prayed to God about that.

i didn't dare go to their school once i lost my hair. but her class found out that i had lost my hair. maybe she told them or maybe the teacher discussed it, i'm still not sure how they found out. they made fun of her, well no, they made fun of me. it broke her heart that the kids were so mean about her mommy. it broke my heart that children could be so mean to my baby and that i had caused her such anguish. she was sad and embarrassed. i didn't blame her as i felt the same way.

everywhere in public that we went while i had my head covering on, bethany would announce to anyone who listened-why i looked the way i did. around the house if i took off my covering because it was uncomfortable, she would ask me to put it back on and i always did. mr. h and kelley would tell her to not announce my cancer in public or to not ask me to cover up. but i thought it was ok. anyway to help her deal with it. mr. h would lovingly rub my head every day. he did this for months, every single day continuing when fuzz appeared and even until i had grown quite a bit of hair. he also shaved his hair off when he shaved mine. we were bald together. and throughout my growing-out process he made sure his hair was always cut shorter than mine.

during the second month of my chemotherapy, i had to have heart surgery. well surgery to cut a "window" into the lining around my heart to allow fluid to drain out. the cancer mass was compressing my heart and caused my heart to start drowning in fluid. as the tech rolled me into the operating suites he had to have me take off my head covering, it wasn't sterile. i was mortified at the thought of being taken anywhere bald. the guy was so nice, he went into the OR suites and came back with one of those blue surgical caps that looks like a paper shower cap. the type that all of the surgical employees wore. that way i would fit in and not be left with my baldness.

after chemotherapy was completed, my hair started growing back as patchy fuzz. it didn't look very promising. it had no color other than some sort of a very light metal shade. it took several tries with hair dye to first get it to take the color and then to find a color that didn't look ridiculous. i was finally satisfied when i got it to a dark brown. i got my first haircut six months after the first fuzz appeared. just a trim that transformed my uneven purposeless style into a "pixie" cut. with a bit of hair product and finger styling it actually looked like i wore my hair that way on purpose.

and my hair continued to grow. two things were interesting...it stopped growing in as that awful colorless metal shade and started growing in the same color i had dyed it-which was not my original color. and it came back curly! bethany was so thrilled that God had answered her prayers! i was too!

the picture in my profile was taken a really long time ago. i've not had it cut since the pixie trim. it is long! and curly! and so much better than what i started with. i do need to get it trimmed and reshaped sometime soon, i think.

what a journey it was. i have a hard time remembering what i looked like with no hair. though i took many quick glances in the mirror during my baldness. i didn't want to look, but i couldn't stop looking. we have a couple pictures of me during that time with a head covering on of some sort. and some early hair growth progress pictures that only show a portion of my head. but there are none of "me" bald. the wig never got worn much, once when i met some online friends for the first time and anytime we went somewhere that the girl's classmates and friends might see us all together. it was uncomfortable to wear especially during summer in florida.

i still remember waking up each morning after dreams of having a head full of hair, thinking that the baldness was nothing more than a bad dream. then reaching up and touching my head feeling nothing but baldness. realizing that it wasn't a bad dream after all. day after day. i thought it would never grow back. that regrowing my hair would be the worst post cancer problem-which it definitely wasn't by a long shot. now it seems that it grew back so quickly, though then it felt like an eternity. the experience of cancer has changed me forever. and the experience of baldness has also changed me forever.

i now cringe whenever someone says in response to a person's bad haircut or when a child cuts their own hair and the parent is mortified (which bethany did do as a preschooler)..."it's just hair, it'll grow back". yes it does grow back, but those words have a whole new meaning to me now.

my biggest post cancer fear? of course it's that my cancer will return...but i think it's the baldness that i am the most dreadful of. maybe that's vain of me. thinking back to not having my hair, my "crown", it was hard. regardless of how baby fine it was or the cowlicks or the way it was straight everywhere except for one spot in the back that insisted on waving, i missed it terribly. i regained my hair and was blessed with a greater degree of beauty and i am so very thankful for that. sometimes i start to get annoyed when it falls into my face or when i have a lot of tangles to brush out. at those times i give myself a good silent scolding, because i am so happy to have my hair back.

when i lost mine, both girls, but especially bethany, had their hair cut into much shorter styles. bethany's curls have since grown out and it is so very long and pretty. she isn't growing it out to keep it though, she is growing it out to donate to locks of love or another organization like that. i'm not sure how long hair needs to be for a donation, but when i take her to get hers cut-i may get that much needed trim and cut mine for a donation as well. we can do it together.

with all of this rambling about my hair, i probably owe you all a picture of it as it is now. i really, really don't like to be on that side of the camera. however, i will try to get a good picture of my hair to share sometime soon.

thank you all for allowing me to share my forlorn but in the end triumphant tale of my hair.

a mommy's tip-journals

2010-02-07T01:26:00.020-05:00

it's not often that i credit myself with creative ideas. really this isn't something that i've invented, just something that i started to do with kelley and bethany that has turned into a fun way to bond, think and communicate and help with their writing skills. we keep "journals"...just a notebook will do or even a fancier journal book if that appeals to you and your children.

kelley and bethany found their love to write, doodle and draw when they were pretty little. they were filling up their "journals" before they were filling up the potty so to speak. we have tons of journals, notebooks and notepads with the pages filled up. and my gosh we better not get caught throwing one away!

the fun, i think, starts out as mysterious stuff appearing on paper. then progresses to them wanting to copy what grown ups do. before my girls were old enough to really write and then write in cursive they loved to fill the lines with scribbles that looked like cursive writing to them. now they are able to write the "real thing" and it hasn't lost it's appeal.

i started journals with them that we wrote back and forth in. it started when i was sick and away in the hospital or during chemo weeks when the girls stayed with my parents. we used them to "keep in touch" and i really think it was one of the many things that helped them process what was happening with me. those days are thankfully over with and we still write to each other.

in addition to sharing our affirmations of love, compliments and cute doodles and picures i've found that there are helpful uses. journaling often helps them work out problems they may be having at school or with friends. sometimes it's easier for them to write it out instead of talking about it with me. this even works at school if something happens during the day that upsets them. i know that school isn't the place for writing notes but we all did it (didn't we?) and better for them to be writing notes to bring home to their mommy than passing notes in school with friends or *gasp* writing little love notes to boys!

i would even think this is a better alternative to kelley and bethany keeping a personal diary. i do encourage that as well, but diaries are their personal, private thoughts. unless i invade their privacy, i don't know what those thoughts are. our sharing journals give me a peek at issues they are dealing with and open the door for sharing and working through the issues together.

our journal notes back and forth warm our hearts, boost self esteem, help the girls think about and work through kid related turmoil or struggles, and of course it's good practice for all things writing related.

some of you may do this already. if not i really recommend it. a simple notepad works, or a real hard bound journal. for you really creative peeps you could actually design and make your own.

some deals from gap and old navy! and a my points mention...

2010-02-06T13:44:00.012-05:00

update: while putting together my gap order, i popped over to old navy to see if they had some shorts to match a couple of shirts on sale at gap. old navy is having a big sale on their kid's and baby items. i only took a quick peek and saw that they had some awesome discounts! i'm getting ready to do a little more shopping now.

a couple things i did notice...first of all they had a better selection of madras plaid type shorts than gap. also, bethany loves hello kitty and gap only had one style of HK shirts. old navy has several styles that i know bethany is going to love. and old navy's prices were much cheaper! i don't know about y'all but i've never had any quality issues with old navy and unlike the brands that i resell, i wash and dry old navy stuff like normal instead of my reselling laundry routine...it holds up fine for me.

i haven't checked for any promotional codes yet. however it looks like shipping is free with orders over $50. and again don't forget my points, they are also giving 4 points for ever $1 spent. you can't beat that! ok, off to shop! and yes i do have some shopping issues LOL. though, i am remembering my goal to cut back...

***

seems like i have a bit of a shopping theme happening around here. i do love to shop. i do most of my shopping online since my small town has very few good stores. can you imagine not having a target? that my friends, is the place i live. i've noticed something strange now that i'm so used to shopping online...when i have the opportunity to shop in an actual clothing store, i become totally overwhelmed by all of the clothes everywhere. really overwhelmed! i'm so not use to being able to see everything all at once.

i have been reading a lot of new blogs lately that are about being frugal (but that doesn't mean cheap...frugal people like nice things, too!). so now i'm going to blog about spending money. but to my fellow frugal bloggy friends-i promise that your lessons are making an impact on me. it's just that time for me to start looking ahead to spring and summer clothes for the girls. well, more so summer, as florida's spring lasts about a week. i haven't forgotten my "65 in 365" goal to cut back on buying clothes for the girls. but they do grow and i still love to shop. i'm going to make a big effort to buy less and i am pretty good about always shopping during sales and promotions.

so, on to gap's deals...

jean promotion-buy one pair of jeans and get another pair for $10. i've noticed some capri jeans in the mix which will be good for us and the florida heat. this offer is available online til 2/10 and in stores til 2/11. shop quickly, the jeans usually sell out fast!

25% off spring stock up event: unfortunately this is for adult sizes only, i think, and ends tomorrow 2/7. enter code GAP25 at check out. i really don't need any new clothes, but will take a peek and see if i find any must haves.

if you happen to have a gap card (sadly i don't), my frugal fashionista friend *fancy* (how's that for alliteration? LOL) shared some good deals...

$10 off of a $10 or more purchase: use code thankyou. she says that it's a little iffy, working only some of the time but hey it's worth a try!

free shipping for card members: try codes mycard or silver for free shipping.

i did a search for promotion codes and came up with several codes for 15% off your entire order. i don't know if they are one time use or if they will work on my order. i'll try when it's check out time.

if you happen to know of any codes for gap kids and wouldn't mind letting me know, i'd be really happy! =)

also, don't forget to go through my points-you can earn 4 points for every dollar you spend at gap.

i stopped shopping through my points for a year or so cause i would get so mad at myself when i would forget to check out through them. which was really silly because my points really does give you money back in the form of gift cards (especially if you shop a lot). so i've started using them again, and have been remembering them most of the time. it's been only two months and i've accumulated quite a lot of points. i try not to think about the points i've missed.

another great deal for the shopping mommy!

2010-02-05T21:40:00.005-05:00

this really sounds promising!

***

It's an invitation only shopping club for kids clothes, accessories and toys. Everything you can imagine that our kids need - established brands and up and coming designers, at up to 70% off retail. The important thing: It's not just clothes, it's strollers and great toys, fabulous bags, we're even looking at some innovative furniture and amazing accessories you don't want to be without. And if we can find it, it will be green and sustainable - there is such a need for those brands.

Twtsy - just launched their initial pre-launch sign up and they'll be ready in about 4 weeks for the real thing to go live and the deals to roll in!

***

check it out! if you join through my link and then pass it along with your link... every time someone signs up through you and then buys something you get a $20 credit!

you can sign up *here*

sharing some websites that i like

2010-02-05T18:23:00.017-05:00

the only problem with changing blog templates is that the different links, buttons and widgets don't make the move. i'm sure most of you know that already, but just in case, always copy and save all of your bloggy extras when you change your template! finally i've got everything back in place and have added a couple of new things too. i thought this would be a good time to tell you about some of them.

here is my disclosure statement: my blog isn't monetized, meaning i don't have any ads that pay me money when you view my blog or click on ad links. i do have a couple of buttons for places that i am an affiliate for. none of the owners of these websites have asked me to write about them nor am i receiving any compensation for writing about them. as an affiliate, if you click on the button for one of websites and buy something or join the site-i get credit, points, or money to spend on the same site or to go towards my own membership costs. i can't tell you how much i receive because at this point i haven't received anything. and i haven't read the small print. honestly, i just enjoy the sites and products and would love to pass them along to you all. and maybe one day i'll get something in return.

the first site is swagbucks. i'm new to using this site so i don't know all of the in's and out's yet. i use it as a search engine just like i would use google. that's it! every so often i win a "swagbuck" when i search. swagbucks can then be collected and traded in for prizes and gift cards to various places like amazon. i believe you can also take advantage of great offers and win prizes! i use the swagbucks search to visit all of my normal internet stops, even my blog. it just takes a couple seconds to type it in and click-but i earn more swagbucks. since i'm new, i'm still in the accumulation phase of earning. if you join by using my button and begin using the swagbuck search, when you win-so do i up to a certain amount. i have had a couple friends sign up but so far they haven't started utilizing the search engine, so no extra bucks for me yet. i'd love for you to sign up with my button because i love free money! but even if you don't, please still take advantage of this program, it's a win/win!

the silver jewelry club. this site is cool! they offer free (!) jewelry around the clock, several items at a time, switching every 15 minutes. the catch? you just pay for shipping which is usually $6.99, that's it. they list each item's retail value usually at $50 or more. i have gotten lots of earrings, rings, pendants and have always been pleased with them. i always feel like i'm getting my $6.99 worth and then some. for pendants they offer optional necklaces to buy. the items are pretty and good quality and always come in a little pouch. my blog has a current feed of one of the items available at that time. if you click from my button and purchase one of the other items, i'm not sure if i get a commission. but again, doesn't really matter-it's just fun to treat yourself to a little gift. not sure about you, but i love getting goodies in the mail!

you can make this. i love, love, love this site! they offer all sorts of crafty project patterns. from sewing to scrap booking to jewelry-there's sure to be a sweet project for everyone! i am such a crafty wanna-be, i dabble in a little bit of everything. i haven't perfected any skills. but what makes this site so awesome is that the contributors have perfected their skills and make them available to all of us in easy to learn and follow patterns. the directions are step by step and seriously couldn't be any easier to follow. there are different skills levels, even projects that you can do with your kids. they also offer a ton of free tutorials! once you purchase a pattern/instruction set it is available for immediate download and then it's yours to keep forever!

clickin moms. this is a great community forum all about photography! from point and shoot cameras to the more skilled DSLR cameras, you can learn how to take the BEST photos! always wanted to have a crisp, clear photo of your subject with that beautifully blurred background? you can learn just how to do that and so much more at clickin moms. any question you have about cameras, lighting, photo editing, printing or just how to get great photos, can be answered here. the members are of varying degrees of skills from me who is just starting to learn how to use a DSLR camera to professional photographers. and the members? they are all nice!

funny cancer shirts. i'm not an affiliate for funny cancer shirts, but wanted to give this online shop a shout out too! the owner and inspiration of this site is a friend i met when i was diagnosed with non-hodgkin's lymphoma and he was diagnosed with hodgkin's lymphoma. we all know that cancer sucks. but sometimes ya just gotta laugh! this shop makes all sorts of shirts and other items to do just that. and not only are you supporting a real live cancer survivor, but also a proceeds of sales go to various cancer charities.

the liz logelin foundation. i'm not an affiliate for this organization either. if you aren't familiar with the logelin family, you can check out their blog *here*. liz logelin died suddenly the day after her first child was born. her husband, matt, found himself not only a widower but also a single parent to a newborn. matt and madeline's adventures and life are shared via their blog. it's sure to make you laugh and make you cry. out of this tragedy came the liz logelin foundation which raises funds for other widows and widowers. one of the ways they raise money is "$7 on the 7th", donating $7 on the 7th of each month. it doesn't seem like a lot, but it does add up and many families have been helped through these efforts.

well, this is just a short list of websites i enjoy. and i hope that all of you will find one that you will enjoy too. if you sign up for any via my links...thank you! but even if you don't, still check out some great sites!

so sick of spam!

2010-02-03T12:24:00.004-05:00

not the pretend meat like stuff that comes in a can.

the junk that clutters our email inboxes.

and now it seems to have found it's way to the comments on my blog. at first it was just once in awhile that i'd get a spam comment. now it's too much. more spam than actual comments.

i always get so excited when i have comments. one of the joys of being a "not a big time blogger". i'm so disappointed to realize that it's some sort of advertisement or written in a language i don't understand.

i heart comments. not spam.

why is this happening? and how do i make it stop?

it's hard being a parent these days...

2010-01-28T16:19:00.006-05:00

i've been thinking about parenting styles lately. there are so many variations. mr. h was raised in the south by relatives that were grandparent age and very conservative. that has left an impact on him, though he often doesn't admit to it. he thinks children should always obey, etc. he's pretty strict. i was raised in ohio and then south florida-which is really not part of "the south". attitudes towards things were different. and while my parents were not afraid to discipline me, they also let me have my "freedom". i'm not much like mr. h when it comes to how we believe children should behave. while i certainly don't want them to act like brats, i'm more open to just letting them be kids. but it goes even deeper than just discipline.

there are now these defined parenting types like "free range" and "helicopter". which are exactly as the words mean. free range allows kids to be on their own to explore and grow without having their parent standing beside them all the time. where helicopter parents tend to hover over their kids, watching and monitoring every move. as for my parenting style, i'd like to think i'm in the middle most of the time. i really would like to be more of a free range parent and have been reading the blog, free range kids, which you can check out *here*.

but...

as i am reading this blog and truly thinking about the type of parent that i really am, i think i am too much like the helicopter, hovering. and probably smothering. i don't like that! i don't want to be that way. the world is so dangerous these days isn't it?! it must be different than the world was when i was a kid. i mean why else would i have turned into a hovering mom?

as a kid/preteen/teen, i spent so much time outside, free to go to parks, friend's houses, etc. i'd be out all day long and i'm sure that many times i covered quite a few miles during my adventures. that was normal for then and we all turned out ok. my parents left me home alone starting at a fairly young age-younger than my girls are now. i was babysitting little children when i was 12 or 13. there weren't many restrictions on tv shows or movies, i was able to listen to any music i wanted and read whatever books interested me.

as a parent, i worry, a lot. not so much about tv, movies, music or books. about the girls' "freedom". kelley is 10 1/2 and bethany is 9. i'll confess some of my helicoptering ways...other than family the girls have never stayed with a babysitter. every single day when one of them asks to go get the mail from the box across the street i tell them to "watch for cars!", yes every single time. i hold their hands when we walk in a parking lot. when kelley had just started 1st grade i insisted on walking her to class. then i would walk her to the main hall and watch as she walked off and turned down the hall to her class. the teacher monitoring the halls asked me "is she in kindergarten?". i felt so silly worrying that she was going to get lost. (though in my defense here, both girls are very tiny...kelley has always been the smallest in her grade and probably the grade behind hers). and the school bus? there was no way i could imagine shipping the girls off on the bus and then having them arrive *alone* at school. no way, i drove them! we only started utilizing the bus last year when the girls were in 2nd and 4th grade.

the bus was a big turning point for our family. before the bus, the girls were only allowed to play in our yard. just them, they didn't know other kids lived in the neighborhood. that is until they rode the bus. it was then that we started letting them go play with friends. now that was nerve wracking! and i made it worse by not having good boundaries set up for them. for a very short time, they had sweet freedom at an abundance. it didn't take long to realize that they weren't responsible enough for that much freedom. however, i take a lot of the fault for that. the lack of defined boundaries and the assumption that they would know the proper way to handle their freedom. they had no clue, because they had never been given the smallest opportunity to be on their own. we have well defined boundaries now. and rules, like letting me know where they will be and checking in to let me know of any changes in plans. oh, and bethany just can't be out without her sister. that is a recipe for disaster!

they've only recently started going places with friends in another person's car, and those events are always accompanied with much worry on my part. they went to their first sleepover at another friend's home a few months ago, who lives on the same street, and i could not sleep that night. seriously. me, who sleeps as a sport, was back to having the mothering instincts like i did when they were newborns. i'm still not sure what i felt i could do being wide awake at home when kelley and bethany weren't even there.

yes i hover. and probably do smother, too. it's because the world is dangerous right? it is much different than when i grew up. but is it really dangerous? or am i worrying too much? i don't want to be the helicopter mom and i've been in denial about it for years. it's time to change. though i'm not sure if i'll ever be raising free range kids. it is hard!

so, now i turn to you all...what type of parenting style do you have? and am i hovering way too much?

bullet thursday

2010-01-28T01:15:00.005-05:00

wondering if i ran everyone off with my whole depressive, healthcare ramblings?
hoping not...i'm over it for now. just had to let it out.
i did watch the state of the union address.
seeing rahm emanuel was my favorite part.
tomorrow is the last day to sign the girls up for spring softball. each day of sign ups has fallen at a time that i wasn't able to go. must.make.it.tomorrow.
report cards came out...two good ones! well one "C", but we didn't make a big deal out of that-pretty sure it's already up to a "B" now. a good number of "A's" for both!
bethany's big birthday surprise was tickets to go see taylor swift in concert...she was so thrilled she had tears of pure joy in her eyes! and so did i...
she didn't acquire her taste for country music from me...just sayin'.
i do however find myself liking taylor swift.
on a slightly controversial note, a while back a blogger made a comment about aging-that it was a sign of our sin from God, growing older and all. sounded a little *out there* for me.
today i feel my age and then some, and i may or may not agree with the above bullet at this point. all i know is-it's not good.
nothing in my medication arsenal is working. ugh.
moving on again...
i'm convinced the kittens are some sort of "mini" cats. they are over 9 months old and other than chubby bellies, they are so tiny. still like kittens. their mama was just a kitten herself.
no more homes have been found, but i haven't been looking. maybe next week.
i keep saying that a lot..."maybe next week".
i came across some not so flattering old school photos of myself on facebook. thank goodness the poster didn't tag them. it was from my time at boarding school and i had put on some weight...i looked like a darn tank.
luckily i lost that weight over the following summer before i started my new school.
i do love looking at the old photos though...just not "fat" ones.
still no new pics to share, i think our desktop was disconnected during our satellite tv installation-part of a package deal. and i only know how to upload photos a certain way.
yes, i am very much a creature of habit.
plus chemobrain causes me to not function as well on the technical stuff. when i ask mr. h for "how to's" his reply is always "RTFM!". i do, and it might as well be written in a foreign language.
"RTFM" must be an army saying, i can't tell you what it means without using a word that i save only for special occasions. let's just say it has something to do with reading the manual.
it's a bit chilly here in florida. i like it, but i don't tolerate it very well. this doesn't give me much credibility when i complain i want to live where there are 4 seasons. i'm pretty sure floridian cold is different than northern cold. i've heard about it before, something about the moisture.
i still think i'd be ok up north. i could get one of those north face puffer coats that goes down to my ankles. and i have uggs now (got 'em at a huge discount) and a pair of emu's that are just like uggs (another huge discount). they look kind of silly in the tropics. so see, moving would have a purpose!

stuck.

2010-01-26T16:22:00.009-05:00

because i don't think of politics all the time nor do i keep up with the political world all the time, the potential impact of ted kennedy's death never occurred to me. i feel silly admitting that. it just never occurred to me. what was in my mind was that it was a sad event and the end of an era. that's it. and really i only know of the concept of that era. i'm not old enough to have been around in the days of the kennedy prominence and greatness. i do remember when JFK Jr. died, it occurred while kelley was being born. i also remember when jackie onassis died, which now means more to me as she died of non-hodgkin's lymphoma. so even though i'm not old enough to know the legacy, the legacy has found it's way into my life in ways that i will never forget. so again, ted kennedy's death touched me and i thought no further.

that is until he was replaced. i don't need to explain why this stands out as important. you already know. now i realize the full impact. it upsets me, however, i can do nothing about it. except think and share my thoughts, as i've done before on the subject of health care. health care. it's something that i can't get away from. i've left the career field but the experiences and knowledge remain with me. the good, the bad, the people, the business, the inner workings. all of it...stuck. then the personal experience, being on the other end. having a diagnosis that will remain with me forever and will go on my permanent record. even if the disease is gone, it leaves it's mark physically, mentally, and again on my permanent record. all of it...stuck.

i woke up the other night with such strong feelings that i needed to pray for our country. the people in charge. the people, like me, who are not in charge. not knowing exactly why i was called to prayer. but i prayed. after that i was restless, i was thinking about politics. health care reform. and how it's inevitably and likely going to be...stuck. i wasn't able to fall back to sleep.

since then i've wondered why do i care so much? i am not one of the uninsured. i have private insurance and medicare. i've heard so many voices against reform, so they don't care unless it changes. i've heard that people who don't have insurance are not in need, they simply don't want it. if only those people knew what i know...but they'd never listen. so why do i care? are there actually people in our country who would desperately give to be insured but can't be? yes, there are. and so i guess that is why i care.

i've seen uninsured people denied care and they've died. i've seen people fall through the cracks and they've died. i've seen insured people lose their insurance because they got sick and they've died. but i guess that doesn't matter to so many who think things are just fine. things are just fine for me too. but i also know that my private insurance can dump me at any point because i got sick. it happens and there's nothing to stop them. i'd likely never get insurance coverage again because i have a pre-existing condition...on my permanent record. fortunately i still would have my coverage with medicare. the government run insurance program. the same one that most people gladly accept when they reach retirement age. even if they don't believe in government health programs. that's so ironic to me.

some have said that they don't want their great private insurance to change or cost more money, even if it meant everyone could be covered, and that is why they are against health care reform. wow. and i'm the one losing sleep. but i bet they don't realize how easily that great insurance could be lost. and how impossible it could be to find new insurance. people get sick. all the time. i've met enough people to know that non-hodgkin's lymphoma does not discriminate and it's considered a rare cancer. with each day everyone ages and the odds are really against us when it comes to becoming ill. heck, you don't even have to be sick to become uninsurable...i just found out that babies who are born prematurely get that put on their permanent record. yep, being a preemie can be considered a pre-existing condition.

so i ask myself why do i care? maybe it's the nurse experience. or maybe it's the cancer experience. or maybe it's just the bleeding heart liberal ways i have. whatever the reason, i care. not just about myself or just about my family or even just about the people i know, but for the unknown too. i try to rationalize my way out of caring and i realize i can't, i'm stuck. and with the passing of ted kennedy, any possibility of a feasible, realistic and workable way to health care reform is likely stuck too. am i the only one who cares? does this bother any one else?

big move forward and omgosh...tv!

2010-01-24T16:24:00.016-05:00

for christmas mr. h and i decided that instead of exchanging gifts with each other, we would get a "family gift". today we got our gift...satellite tv and a dvr. in 2010 we have made the big move forward with technology.

mammie and papa have had their satellite tv and dvr set up for years. papa even has a big screen tv. i think they have an actual answering machine for their phone. so it says a lot that they are so far ahead of us with tv technology.

i glanced at the list of the channels. holey crow! i'm wondering how on earth i'm going to fit watching all of that tv into my days? and i am so far behind. i actually stopped watching tv regularly in april 2007. it wasn't an intentional thing. that was when i got sick and life went crazy. for a long time i couldn't concentrate on tv shows or movies. one of the side effects of chemotherapy. thankfully there are dvd's with seasons of shows on them because i have a lot of catching up to do.

but now! there is a whole smorgasbord of new shows for me to watch. i've never watched the bachelor before, or the biggest loser, real housewives of this place and that, project runway, all those HGTV shows. or glee, dexter, csi, etc. the list goes on and on and on! i don't know where to start...the only reason i can even name the shows is from hearing about what everyone else watches. how am i going to decide what to watch? how will i manage to watch it all? i may never leave the couch again!

then there is the dvr contraption. i've heard about them, they are a recording device of some sort. and you don't have to watch commercials? really? even mr. h is left wondering about this. high definition, i don't have a clue what that means. other than i think we need a new tv. one of those flat things. i bought my tv back in 1997, it's a big box and i thought it was uber cool back then. now i guess it's something i should only use with a VCR and to play atari.

wow. i never realized how dated we are. essentially archaic.

ok, so help a girl out...where do i start? are there any shows that i can just pick up on now without watching seasons upon seasons to get caught up first? what shows should i watch seasons and seasons of? (i do have desperate housewives and sex and the city already to catch up on) is there anything must-see starting new soon? i need the scoop!

so about the camera...

2010-01-23T17:55:00.005-05:00

i was in a bit of a rush with my last post. and in my excitement, the full story hadn't yet pieced itself together in my mind. ok, i think there is a little something more to, i found my camera. perhaps i had help. maybe it was divine intervention. let's see what you think...

the camera was last seen on christmas. at my parent's house where we celebrated. all of our presents and things were packed up and brought home (just a mile away). when i went to upload pictures in the following days, i noticed the camera was missing. we looked for it, however the house was in a state of disarray because we were purging, reorganizing and had a bunch of new stuff all at once. my parent's searched their house with no luck.

a couple weeks ago, i was looking for a few other things for my mom's birthday. gifts for her and one to return. i couldn't find those either. and i looked quite a bit. but in the end, i had enough other gifts that the missing ones wouldn't make too much of a difference. i was thinking they would turn up and be fine for mother's day.

now, i know where i looked for the camera and these missing items. i know where i looked.

fast forward to this week. i am really grieving the loss of the camera. the pictures from christmas and also knowing bethany's birthday party is coming up. i know that i can not figure out the new camera in time (canon rebel xti-see why i'm panicked?). i drive mr. h and my dad crazy to make sure there will be a camera to capture the birthday party. i even resort to mr. h buying a disposable camera.

a day or so ago i start price comparing new point and shoot cameras. but i don't buy one.

today...while wrapping bethany's presents, i realize i need more tissue paper and i go to the normal spot to get it. on top of the normal spot is a box. i open the box and there is my camera in it's case along with with the missing gifts for my mom. that's all that's in the box.

what's the big deal you ask?

that box was never at my parents house. it has been sitting in the same spot since before christmas. it was in no way moved during the process of putting our house back together. and i know that i have looked in that box...atleast twice before...and the box sitting under it.

the missing things were NOT there. i know they weren't there. i looked. atleast twice. maybe more. and.they.were.not.there.

the day of bethany's party, when i'm particularly distraught over it...the camera magically appears. hmmm...

mr. h thinks that perhaps my grandpa roger found it for me. the grandpa that passed away last year. i think back to a recent dream i had about him, which is a whole other story, and i think mr. h might be right. maybe it wasn't him. but i sure know that it wasn't any of us and that camera was not there before.

so that's the story of my found camera. and i offered up a silent thank you to whoever found my camera for me. =)

omgosh!!! yay!!!

2010-01-23T13:45:00.008-05:00

I FOUND MY CAMERA!!!

sorry, yes i was yelling. but yes! yay! i found my camera! and all of our pictures from christmas! and...just in time for bethany's party!

who'd have thought i'd be so upset over a 9 year old camera? (well and the pictures it contained of course). especially when i have a new camera that is way more technologically advanced? (and way too complicated to use).

back in my comfort zone i go...

in case you are curious it was in a box, but not a box that held christmas presents that were carted back from my parent's house. another box, that's been here all along. weird.

ok gotta run and get ready for a party.

yay!!!

p.s. 146 pictures total. wow!

a kitty update and some must haves for the cat owner

2010-01-22T16:47:00.004-05:00

our neighbor babysits the little girl from the family who adopted our kitten. the girls got an update on how our little guy is doing in his new home. so far so good! he still loves his favorite blanket we sent and sneaks into the little girl's bed just like i hoped he would! they did change his name which made kelley a bit sad, but i explained that he would get use to the name quickly. i bet he's enjoying being the only kitty.

funny, he was the most mellow of the kittens. but now that he's gone, our crew doesn't seem as hard to handle.

and a couple new discoveries that i've made that are cat *must haves*!

an affordable self cleaning litter box. it's not electric-which we've had in the past (and didn't have good luck with, not too mention they are way too expensive), this one works by turning it on it's side. the "scoops" end up in a handy drawer that you pull out and empty. then tilt back. easy peasy! we are in the process of switching all of our boxes to this type. you can check it out *here*.

and a toy, the best one i've found...the kittens love it and the big guys seem to think it's pretty cool too! it's a round track with a ball to bat around and has a scratching pad in the middle (those are replaceable). check it out *here*.

now i know these can be hard to find and i don't recommend paying an arm and a leg for them, but the cats really love zhu zhu hamsters! the good news is that i'm starting to see them at various places for reasonable prices!

happy birthday to our bethany boo!

2010-01-22T02:09:00.015-05:00

tonight i tucked my 8 year old in to bed for the last time...

and now it's my baby's birthday! at 5:11 this morning bethany will officially be 9. NINE. i can't hardly believe it.

here are some highlights of bethany's world right now...

her current goal is growing out her beautiful curls to donate to locks of love.

she's in the 3rd grade and is doing great! i think she is taking after me and is a spelling bee. and her favorite educational activity is writing-stories, essays and songs.

outside you would see her whizzing by on her new electric scooter that she got from papa for christmas. planning on re-starting her in gymnastics soon and playing spring softball .

she likes a good steak, spaghetti and ice cream.

she is a loyal member of "team edward", but hasn't seen new moon yet-still i don't think she'll change her loyalty.

her current music faves are taylor swift and soulja boy and favorite tv show is icarly. but would really like to have her *own* tv show and definitely has the personality for it!

has a very original and eclectic fashion sense. favorite colors are pink and black.

she is a proud mommy to her kitten, julian.

tonight we'll be having dinner at olive garden per bethany's request (she especially wants the gelato dessert...yum!) and a couple gifts to open. on saturday we will have her official party. we are all very excited about a certain gift she's getting! i can't share the secret yet...but it is awesome and we hope she will be thrilled! i'm sure she will be!

for last year's birthday, i posted photos over the years in the life of bethany ashlyn and you can take a walk down memory lane by clicking *here*

i'm sure we'll have lots to share of the big day and let you all know about the super secret gift soon!

happy 9th birthday bethany ashlyn...we love you!

keepin' georgia on your mind!

2010-01-19T17:55:00.004-05:00

wanted to share georgia and her blog with everyone. georgia is 10 years old and is battling leukemia. what a brave and strong girl she is!

also, she is hoping to get visitors on her blog from all 50 states and beyond. please stop by, say "hi" and tell her where you're from.

wouldn't it be so awesome to fill up georgia's map?!

http://keepingeorgiaonyourmind.blogspot.com/

bittersweet.

2010-01-19T12:43:00.007-05:00

remember we rescued a litter of kittens from my parents yard back in july? our intentions were always to find good homes for the kittens. i have done the same thing many times before. not everyone is a cat person, i know. if you aren't one i hope you will hang out to read this though. if you are a cat owner i hope this will inspire you to spay/neuter your pets if you haven't already.

the kittens to *us* are really cute, all but one a variation of orange with the last one being a beautiful cream and white color with dark rust colored eyes. i've never seen a cat like that before. we figured that it would be easy to find homes for them. as time went on, we would learn otherwise. we had not found one home. not a one. i contacted the humane society for help, perhaps they could advertise while we kept them as "foster kitties". the humane society was not able to help, they had too many cats, and nobody was adopting them. and as i look around there are always stray cats everywhere we go. too many cats. so this is where i ask that you please spay/neuter your pets!

as time went on, without adopting families anywhere on the horizon, the kittens got older. we had them vaccinated and neutered and spayed. i was hopeful that with all of the "work" out of the way that people, anyone, would now be interested. no such luck.

the girls of course have become quite attached to the kittens. ok, we all have. bethany definitely has "her" kitten. she doesn't have her own pet and i had promised her that she could keep her guy. kelley has a pet, the princess pug daisy may. so there was no promise of a kitten for her. but regardless she also had "her" guy-the beautiful cream kitten.

they have worked very hard at advertising! and remained strong when they were told that we just needed to drop the kittens off at the humane society. no, we are definitely going to find them good homes. it's not their fault they were born into this world as homeless strays.

yesterday, their efforts paid off. a sweet family wanted a kitten. it was the wife's birthday and the husband was getting the kitten for her. they also have a little girl. when it was time for him to pick out a kitten, i knew in my heart which one he was going to pick...kelley's little guy. they went to pick up a crate and supplies and came back for the kitten. kelley watched from the window as mr. h brought the kitten to them, helped pack him up (he had a favorite blanket which we sent with him), and they drove away. there were tears. lots of tears. some were mine.

when the girls had a moment to calm down, i talked with them. reassuring them that this was the best possible outcome for this kitten. he'll have his own family-not one he has to share with his brothers and sisters. and a little girl to sneak him into bed with her as kelley did many nights. i told them how proud i was of them. and that i hoped this would be the start of something good, helping God's little creatures who are born into hard lives. like i've mentioned, i have rescued lots of little ones and helped them on their way to a good life. it started when i was just a little girl and continues on. and now i know that there will be two more helpers out there.

one home down, a few more to go!

great shoe sale for kids!

2010-01-17T01:04:00.005-05:00

i have a really cool friend, fancy. she is beautiful, fun, and has a precious family. she also has awesome fashion sense and fabulous taste. and...she is great at finding good deals. be sure to check out her blog "living the fancy life" because she is always sharing great deals!

she just recently shared a great sale on quality name brand kids shoes on amazon. i love when they have this sale! i stocked up on some super cute shoes for the girls that averaged $14 a pair. be sure to check it out *here*...happy shopping!

p.s. don't forget free super saver shipping on minimum orders of $25!

An Open Letter to Pat Robertson:

2010-01-16T18:26:00.006-05:00

(written by Matthew T. Boulanger and sent to Pat Robertson)

[Editorial Note: Still no word from Mr. Robertson. Please feel free to distribute this as you see fit in an attempt to reach him.]

Dear Mr. Robertson(1):

On the January 13, 2010 broadcast of “The 700 Club”, you made the following statement concerning the past and current condition of the Haitian people:

…and you know, Christy, something happened a long time ago in Haiti.and, uh,people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French…ah…You know, Napoleon the third and whatever.And, they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said “We will serve you, if you will get us free from the French.” True story. And so the devil said “Okay, it’s a deal.” And, uh, they kicked the French out, you know, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other, desperately poor. That island of Hispaniola, is one island, is cut down the middle on one side is Haiti and on the other side is the Dominican Republic. Dominican Republic is prosperous, healthy, full of resorts, etcetera. Haiti is in desperate poverty. Same island. Uh, they need to have, and we need to pray for them, a great turning to God. And out of this tragedy, I’m optimistic something good may come, but right now we’re helping the suffering people and the suffering is unimaginable(2)…

You appear to have received a substantial response from various media outlets and public figures concerning this statement, and most of these have been either condemning of your statement or of you personally. However, few commentators have actually examined your statement to assess the veracity of claims you made in it. Many individuals immediately attributed your statements to stupidity(3), ignorance(4), and moronitude(5); however, few of these people ever bothered to provide a coherent statement supporting these positions. Here, I attempt to do so.

Your first allegation, that people may not want to talk about the Haitian revolution, does not appear to be true. Plenty of scholarly works have studied this event, and several have attempted to make sense of Haiti’s current economic woes as having stemmed from this revolution. Perhaps a brief review of leading journals discussing the history of the Caribbean in general or Haiti in particular would have helped you know this.

The second allegation, that the Haitians were “under the heel of…Napoleon the third” reveals a profound lack of knowledge concerning this subject. Napoleon the third, or more properly Charles Louis Napoleon Bonaparte, was born on April 20, 1808. The Haitian revolution of which you are speaking began in 1791 and ended around 1804. While I admit that some French emperors assumed power at young ages, I find it difficult to accept that this Charles Louis was in power a full 13 years before he was conceived. I believe that you mean Haiti was subject to Napoleon the first, more commonly known as Napoleon Bonaparte. However, even this wouldn’t be correct, because he did not assume the role Emperor until May 18, 1804. Although he did serve as the First Consul of France beginning in 1799, nobody in Haiti appears to have been “under his heel” until at least the latter half of the Haitian revolution.

The proper statement would have been that the Haitians were “under the heel” of Louis XVI, who as we all know from grade school history classes, was the monarch of France until he was executed (along with his wife of “let them eat cake” fame) in 1792 during the French Revolution. I am curious if you believe that the French Revolution was also spawned by a clandestine pact with supernatural forces, as it too was led primarily by an impoverished and oppressed under class.

I will choose not to question your quotations of the precise dialogue between the Haitians and “the Devil”. I can only assume that you have some hitherto unknown transcript of this exchange, and I will concede to you the right to quote from it without having to produce it for peer review. I would, however, encourage you to donate this transcript to a museum as it appears to have a high degree of historical, political, and religious significance for all of humanity.

One statement in your editorial that does seem to have some truth to it is: “ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other, desperately poor”. But this too is not entirely true, and it glosses over two-hundred years of history. You see, one of the major problems in Haiti over the past two centuries has not been the absence of wealth, but the extreme disparities in how this wealth is distributed among Haitian people. That is, there have traditionally been very few individuals who controlled virtually all of the wealth, and virtually all of the people who have very little of the wealth. When coupled with constant interference from Western nations, this severe imbalance of wealth and power has led to multiple changes of regimes.

Despite your caricature of rampant poverty and disorder, it is important to note there have been brief periods of stability and hope in Haiti. For example, the election of Jean-Bertrand Aristide (himself a Roman Catholic priest[6]) in 1990. Sadly, Aristide was forced into exile during a military coup that many in the international community (including Aristide) believe was supported—or at least tacitly approved—by our own United States government under former president George H.W. Bush. If this is the case, then our own government may have been involved in perpetuating this “curse” on the Haitian people. According to the logic of your statement, this implies that our government may have been acting as an agent of the devil. Does this concern you? If so, perhaps a similar statement concerning the influence of the devil on the George H.W. Bush administration is appropriate at this juncture so that we may better understand the origins of the various calamities that have befallen our own nation. Though, I remain curious as to why you have not made this connection before.

I agree with you that the island of Hispaniola is an island, and that one side of it is Haiti, and that the other is the Dominican Republic, and I commend you on your command of Caribbean geography. I do, however, dispute with you the pronounciation of “Hispaniola”. It should more probably be pronounced as in “Ee-span-yola”, perhaps with a slight aspiration at the beginning, but definitely not as “Hizpen-olah” as you stated during the broadcast.

Finally, we come to your statement comparing Haiti with the Dominican Republic. Your exact statement is that “Dominican Republic is prosperous, healthy, full of resorts, etcetera [while] Haiti is in desperate poverty.” You seem to be blissfully unaware that the Dominican Republic is most definitely NOT prosperous and healthy. Consider these facts:

Over 30% of Dominicans live in poverty;
Although many multinational corporations have operations in the Dominican Republic, there are frequent and recurring instances of human-rights violations against Dominican workers, and most profits of these companies are exported to larger Western nations where the companies are based;
It is currently estimated that more than 50,000 people are employed in the hotel/resort industry in the Dominican Republic, and more than 100,000 individuals are employed indirectly by tourism (e.g., taxi drivers, tour guides, and tourist-retail).

Let me be clear: Most of these jobs are low paying, offer little in the way of advancement, and require little in the way of education. I challenge you, Mr. Robertson, to divest your assets and to begin working on the monthly salary of a Dominican taxi driver. If this is your idea of health and prosperity, I see no reason why you would hesitate to do so.

The public brouhaha resulting from your statement resulted in your broadcast company the Christian Broadcast Network (CBN) issuing a formal statement clarifying your words(7). Chris Roslan, an undefined spokesman for your company, stated that:

…On today’s The 700 Club, during a segment about the devastation, suffering and humanitarian effort that is needed in Haiti, Dr. Robertson also spoke about Haiti’s history. His comments were based on the widely-discussed 1791 slave rebellion led by Boukman Dutty at Bois Caiman, where the slaves allegedly made a famous pact with the devil in exchange for victory over the French. This history, combined with the horrible state of the country, has led countless scholars and religious figures over the centuries to believe the country is cursed. Dr. Robertson never stated that the earthquake was God’s wrath. If you watch the entire video segment, Dr. Robertson’s compassion for the people of Haiti is clear. He called for prayer for them. His humanitarian arm has been working to help thousands of people in Haiti over the last year, and they are currently launching a major relief and recovery effort to help the victims of this disaster. They have sent a shipment of millions of dollars worth of medications that is now in Haiti, and their disaster team leaders are expected to arrive tomorrow and begin operations to ease the suffering…

Relatively little public comment has been made about this statement. However, as it is intended to clarify and support your position, it is directly relevant to this letter and therefore deserves comment.

First, your statements were not “during a segment,” they were added as an editorial by you after a segment discussing the efforts of Operation Blessing International led by Bill Horan. During that segment, you suggested that the earthquake could be considered a “blessing in disguise,” to which Mr. Horan appeared to agree. Perhaps all of those employees working for Operation Blessing, and all of those people donating to this charity should be made aware of your feelings, as well as those of the organization’s COO (i.e., Mr. Horan).

Second, the historical incident to which you were referring was not a “slave rebellion” but a total revolution akin to the United States’ own revolution against colonial powers. The Haitian revolution was in fact led by many prominent freedmen, not solely slaves, and to refer to this event as a slave rebellion diminishes the importance of a group of oppressed people freely deciding their destiny and fighting for their collective rights as humans against an oppressive regime. Do you consider the American Revolution to be a slave rebellion? Why is it that the oppressed lower class of (mostly) Afro-Caribbean descent needed a pact with the devil to overthrow their (mostly) Caucasian oppressors, whereas the (mostly) Caucasian inhabitants of the British colonies did not? Do you believe that Caucasian people do not need supernatural collaboration to succeed, whereas non-Caucasian people must seek out satanic cohorts?

Third, the supposed incident involving Boukman Dutty and a “pact with the devil” likely did not occur at all. I will set aside, for the moment, your unverifiable assertion that an entity such as “the devil” actually exists, and your assertion that individuals can somehow bargain with such an entity. Here, historical facts will suffice. There is no evidence to confirm that a ceremony led by (or participated in by) Boukman Dutty ever actually occurred. This is NOT historical fact, it is historical fiction that has been romanticized and fictionalized over time. To be clear, this would be the same as you stating that George Washington actually chopped down a cherry tree, or that Paul Bunyan actually carved the Grand Canyon. If you would like a refresher course on Fact versus Fiction, please contact me.

Fourth, Roslan states that “countless scholars and religious figures over the centuries to believe the country is cursed.” Though I am no expert on Haiti or on any ongoing scholarly debate concerning curses on specific countries, I can find absolutely no scholarly dialogue concerning a curse on Haiti. No doubt Mr. Roslan can provide some examples from the “countless” figures who believe this? Personally, I would like to know what peer-reviewed journal would publish an article professing that an entire country has been cursed after a three-hundred year old pact with Satan. I have several articles concerning space aliens making large trianguloid stone structures in northern Africa and equatorial America that I would like to have published.

Fifth, nobody ever said that you made the statement that the earthquake was God’s wrath. But, I would guess that most people were simply appalled at your statement that this humanitarian catastrophe might be a “blessing in disguise”.

Sixth, I did watch the whole video segment (in fact, I transcribed it for you above), and I detect absolutely no compassion for the people of Haiti…unless by compassion, you mean your own self-serving desire for them to convert to Christianity and build lots of spiffy keen resorts like those in the Dominican Republic.

Seventh, thank you for the humanitarian relief that you claim to have directed to Haiti. I would hope in your compassion that you would make this freely available to all individuals, regardless of faith. Such a gesture is far beyond what I could personally hope to accomplish with my own meager means. Yet, I wonder if you would be willing to notify all Haitians of your thoughts on their country and their tragedy before offering them any food, clothing, or medicine. I would be interested to see how welcoming they were of your charity. Perhaps, you might consider travelling to Haiti to assist with the dispersing of the food and medicine in person? I suspect that each and every Haitian would be very interested in hearing your thoughts on why their country suffers so greatly, and I suspect that each of them would like to thank you in their own special manner.

I look forward to your answers to my questions, as well as to a public addressing of the various inaccuracies contained in these two statements. Please feel free to contact me in the future if you would like me to review the factual data in any other statements.

Regards,
Matthew T. Boulanger
Concerned Citizen

P.S. I am primarily a North American archaeologist/anthropologist by training, but I profess to having little to no command of the history of Haiti, voodoo, Caribbean revolutions, or satanic pacts made in rainy swamps. However, I do have access to “the internet.” A short time spent on this “the internet” provided me with sufficient knowledge to address the shortcomings in your editorial statement and in the CBN’s official press release attempting to absolve you of your indecency. I strongly recommend that you investigate whether “the internet” is available in your town, as you may find it an useful tool prior to your next broadcast.

---

1. Please note that I am aware of your receipt of a juris doctor (J.D.) degree from Yale, and that some people believe this should result in use of the honorific “Doctor”. However, I hold to current U.S. government policy that the J.D. is equivalent only to an M.A., and that the term “Doctor” should be retained for those holding a medical degree or those completing a Ph.D.

2. Transcribed by me from http://www.cbn.com/media/player/index.aspx?s=/archive/club/700club011310_ws, [Start: 00:06:20s; End: 00:07:35s/00:59:30s]. Accessed January 14, 2010, 12:00 CST

3. http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/01/14/white-house-robertson-remark-haiti-earthquake-utterly-stupid/

4. http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/151746/TV-preacher-Pat-Robertson-sparks-internet-fury-over-Haiti-earthquake-comments

5. http://indyposted.com/8969/pat-robertson-haiti-comments/

6. I note Aristide’s affiliation with the Christian God to highlight the paradox that your position reveals: If Aristide was God’s servant (as he must be to have been ordained), then God clearly had a hand in Aristide’s coming to power. AND, if God is all powerful, he could have easily defeated the devil’s curse on Haiti at this time. Indeed, why else would he have helped his servant come to power? The question, then, is why God allowed himself to be defeated. Truly a ponderous dilemma. I sincerely look forward to your answer to this conundrum.

7. Statement Regarding Pat Robertson's Comments on Haiti, available at http://www.cbn.com/about/pressrelease_patrobertson_haiti.aspx. Accessed January 14, 2010, 12:00 CST

help for haiti

2010-01-14T15:58:00.009-05:00

my thoughts are on the people of haiti, as i'm sure most everyone's are. many prayers have been offered up to our Heavenly Father, i'm hoping that He has sent many angels to help these people. as i prayed, i tried not to be angry. natural disasters like earthquakes happen and can happen anywhere. i would never wish a disaster on any place. but to think of haiti- a country that faces so many challenges on a normal day, this was just way too much. again, it would have been way too much anywhere. but...i just can't seem to find words for the feelings i'm having.

now i'm trying to put those feelings to good use, finding various ways that we can all help our earthly family. thanks to anenome pie, sellabit mum and the pioneer woman for doing the same. i will include their ideas and efforts in a list of ways to help.

here are just a few of many ways we can all help and at least one will not cost you anything!

the pioneer woman is having a "give away" 2 winners will have a $500 donation sent to the haitian recovery charity of the winner's choice. in addition to that she is also donating 10 cents for every comment/entry, to be divided and given to the top 3 haitian recovery charities mentioned by readers. doesn't sound like a lot? she already has over 13,000 comments! so please visit her site *here* and leave a comment, it doesn't cost a thing but it will help out the people of haiti.

head on over to anenome pie's blog and check out how *here* you can donate via text message to yeli haiti which has set up an earthquake relief fund. in fact, if you have the time, check out both links-yele's site is *here*.

be sure to check out sellabit mum's blog *here* she has a link to an entire list of relief sites and programs.

and lastly, stop by compassion's site *here* to see how you can help or even to sign up to sponsor a child. this organization is so awesome. they send bloggers regularly to the many poverty stricken countries where they have programs set up. i always enjoy reading about these trips from the blogger's perspective and it "brings to life" the good that the organization and all of it's sponsors do.

my spiritual journey...

2010-01-12T17:50:00.000-05:00

i had mentioned a while back that i wanted to share a bit about my spirituality. so this will be a start and i'll try not to get too deep. i am a christian, though not likely a traditional christian. my parents and daughters are active participants in the lutheran church (LCMS). mr. h and i are not. mr. h and i are also not really on the same page in our beliefs, but then again sometimes we are. church, i've found, is not quite for me. or at least i haven't found the right church for me. that being said, i still very much have a relationship with God. i pray daily, most often, several times a day. still, i have many questions and often doubts. as a whole though, i try to follow the path that resonates within me.

my journey started when i was a young teenager. then it sort of hit the back burner for a decade or so. as an adult i picked up where i left off trying to learn and grow in my faith. when i had the opportunity to stare death in the face three years ago-i really started to search deeper. a lot of my searching was driven by what felt right and made sense to me. there are some who disagree with that direction and will tell me that it's not at all about how i feel or what i think. that it is only about God's way and more or less my feelings don't matter. but i haven't been able to just accept this as the complete and whole truth. so i continue on. in my studies i have found some of the answers that i've been searching for. here i will admit that not all of the information i've found has come from the Bible. in fact the Bible is a whole topic unto itself that i won't address here and now.

spiritually i feel very open and accepting of all faiths. the one thing that does bother me, or really i should say-kind of "hurts" me from christians is that as monotheistic believers some refuse to believe that our one God with whom *anything* is possible could choose different routes to reach people. this is God we're talking about...how could that not be possible? especially when i consider that we are all God's children, divine sparks of a great entity that i can not even begin to fathom. that is the one thing that will really end a conversation on my part with anyone pretty quickly. you see, if they can't believe that with God all things are possible, then my little words aren't going to reach them at all. so when it comes to that i see intolerance. intolerance is one thing that i am absolutely intolerant of myself-which is yet another whole topic alone.

i certainly don't know it all, never will and probably won't even know a significant amount of the greatness of our Lord. but i am a big believer in "coexisting", it goes way beyond a slogan on a t-shirt. i have to go with what feels right in my heart, my mind and my spirit and also what makes sense out of the little bit i can actually grasp. i think of "Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world", we ARE ALL those children of the world. and i definitely feel that goes beyond whatever religion we claim.

to summarize how i feel and so far what i have found to be the correct path, i again turn to Jesus who stated "A new commandment I give unto you; that you love God with all your heart and soul and mind, and you love your neighbor as yourself". this is how i try to live every day. as words it seems so simple but as actions, i do mess it up often. it disappoints me, but all i can do is recognize my mistake, attempt to correct it, ask for forgiveness and try again.

10 days into the new decade, and i...

2010-01-10T13:37:00.014-05:00

haven't done much. *blush* bad me! ok in fairness it hasn't been 10 days since i came up with my ambitious list for "65 in 365", full of lofty goals. however, the intention is still with me and so for accountability i am checking in and outing myself.

now is where i share my excuses. ok, well really some are valid, while the rest are just plain excuses. i don't like to bring up my cancer experience much on this blog, i try to keep it on the caring bridge site where it belongs. but because it is affecting the here and now i will bring it up. during the diagnosis and treatment process, i tried to be calm, strong and brave. i *think* i did ok with that. there was always a lot of fear about treatments not working or the possibility of a relapse. nowadays i just try not think about it. but i never knew then and am still miffed now at how hard it would be to live after the fact. i didn't count on permanent damage to my heart and the major veins that drain into it. i didn't count on the fact that cancer killing treatments kill healthy things as well leaving behind pain. i didn't count on the fatigue that seems to be everlasting.

it's the fatigue that i offer as my excuse today. to explain i can go out for a day, either a nice calm day or a very long and active day-it doesn't matter. but the next day is always rough, as in feeling like you've been hit by a truck rough. in the weeks and days leading up to christmas i was really busy. christmas eve and day actively busy. and then an out of town trip for new year's. all of this equals a very bad crash. last week the girls went back to school, i had high hopes for accomplishing much. but no, i crashed big time. within a day or two i accepted it for what it was and put all of my big goals away. i saved my energy for doing the necessary things that are needed each day. i am hoping that this coming week will be very different!

i didn't completely ignore my ambitions. in fact, i've done a lot of thinking, planning and really have lots of ideas. we are a family of four plus furbabies living in my used to be "batchelorette" pad. our space is precious, we like to have "stuff" and it's pretty hard to make it work. i truly want a place for everything and everything in it's place. last night i found some great deals on different storage items and can't wait for their arrival. now i have to confess that i don't normally visit walmart. in fact, i try to avoid it. i do browse their site from time to time and found that they are selling various storage bins at what appears to me to be a great deal! $15 to $20 for sets of 6, 10, 12, 14 (!) stackable bins in various sizes. i am sure that in the past i've paid more for these types of things in store. any money i did save though went to shipping costs, to have them sent here as opposed to "site to store". now i would have gone to pick them up, but it was actually the length of delivery time that persuaded me, it was a week or more difference in time. i also found some great deals on amazon for closet hanging shoe racks and clothing shelves, probably not the most sturdy but i'm able to picture a lot of saved space. and i splurged on some super cute magazine type holders from HSN for our important papers. i don't ever watch HSN but after browsing their site-they have lots of cute things! at this point i'm making myself avoid QVC's site. the big downer about HSN is their shipping costs and i actually had shipping deals. way.too.much.

on a positive note you can see that i've changed my blog template. it's not a custom template which is my actual goal. and thanks to the help from hazel nut and kevin & amanda i now have a cute little signature! making it transparent didn't work out, but a little color contrast is good right? =) so there's that. now i just need to go back and add my buttons and other thingies. i sure do wish it was possible to change looks without losing it. at the least though, i did save them all.

with all of this rambling, i'm just trying to say that i'm planning and getting ready to take action! next time i post an accountability check, i hope to have updated my "65 in 365" list.

six word saturday

2010-01-09T18:08:00.003-05:00

quite chilly in the sunshine state

this cold means i deserve snow

darn my camera is still missing

please come help clean my house

i am stuffed from a buffet

ready for a long winter's nap

tween-ese...and mom's a dunce

2010-01-07T21:36:00.012-05:00

we're learning a new language here at paisley-place, tween-ese. i really need to start writing things down when they are spoken so i don't forget. tonight i'll share a couple.

kelley had a bit of a last minute rush after her shower tonight, packing up her homework that had gone missing this morning.

i must at this point tell y'all about this particular homework assignment real quick. it as a 4 page group of papers that was handed to me last night to be stapled. which i did and handed it right back i'm sure. this morning as mr. h was getting them ready for the bus (yes he does that for me-uber sweet!), kelley could not find the homework. they searched until it was time for the bus and she ended up going to school empty handed. mr. h and kelley knew this would result in a phone call home this morning so that kelley could tell him that she didn't have her homework to hand in. (as if he didn't know, but teacher's rule). both kelley and mr. h explain to the teacher that the assignment went missing when it was in "mom's hands".

needless to say i felt really bad as i am searching this evening for the papers *i* lost. searching unsuccessfully. readily claiming this as a major mommy FAIL, i write a note to the teacher explaining that the homework was done, i lost it, please give kelley the credit.

lo and behold...bethany finds the missing papers. under her bed. mmm-hmmm now that was definitely not my doing. i was so totally framed. fortunately for kelley, she will be able to turn in her work and get credit. and her teacher will be left to believe that i am a complete dunce.

now that i've gotten that out, i can move on...

kelley had forgotten to hang her wet towel up and her excuse? "but i was all commotioned with my making sure i packed my homework up so i wouldn't miss turning it in again". all in all, it was really cute the way it came out. it was worth being known as the mom dunce.

bethany's current gem is "BRB". i was proud to be able to easily translate this to "be right back".

in fact, the girls seemed to be amazed and even a bit miffed that i can speak their language. i believe that they think i am really...old. and probably a dunce.

65 in 365...the new new year's resolutions!

2010-01-03T23:33:00.014-05:00

i'll be honest, i've never been one to make new year's resolutions. and even if i did, i surely didn't have the discipline to actually stick to them. this year i'm going to try "65 in 365"...accomplishing 65 things that i need or want to do in the next 365 days. for accountability purposes i'll post the list here and update the list as i *hopefully* complete each thing. for routine things, i'll consider them done when i've kept up with them for three months-i'll consider it a good habit at that point. it's a fun way to motivate myself and i thank my friends alison, snarky mom, stephanie and tara for sharing the idea. i hope this sounds like fun to you so that you can cheer me on and maybe even start your own 65 in 365!

to start off in the right direction, i'm going to categorize my list, because oh holey crow do i need some organization in my life! though many things overlap in categories. here's my list...

65 in 365

House-Projects:

1. paint and redecorate master bedroom
2. paint and redecorate master bathroom
3. repair tile around master bathroom tub
4. redecorate living room
5. redecorate screened back porch
6. have entire wood trim around house exterior and leaky window replaced
7. create desk areas for the girls

House-Organizing:

8. purge and reorganize girl's room
9. purge all unused items-trash, donate or sell
10. make use of storage space efficiently and creatively
11. organize and file away important papers
12. order prints and update girl's photo albums (0/2)
13. get caught up on laundry and maintain a regular laundry schedule

Family Time:

14. have a movie or game night 1x per week
15. read a novel with the girls every other month (0/6)
16. date night with mr. h 1x per month (0/12)
17. date with kelley 1x per month (0/12)
18. date with bethany 1x per month (0/12)
19. go to a concert
20. take a family vacation
21. visit 2 theme parks (0/2)
22. go to "the nutcracker" ballet next fall/winter

The Girls:

23. start and complete kelley's dental work
24. start and complete bethany's chiropractor appointments
25. enroll bethany in gymnastics
26. convince girls to play spring softball and sign them up
27. order ladybugs and butterflies for kelley's gardens

Me:

28. read all actual books i still have and then stick to my sony reader (0/??)
29. start skin care routine
30. get a haircut
31. keep feet pedicured and toenails painted
32. start taking vitamins and supplements daily
33. make dentist appointment and actually go
34. make oncology appointment and actually go
35. use wii fit plus daily
36. walk daisy 3x per week
37. get a new tattoo
38. find good homes for the kittens
39. catch up on 3 tv series on dvd (0/3)
40. see 3 movies at the theater (0/3)

Socializing:

41. take all extended family out for dinner
42. call a friend or family member 1x per week
43. meet up with 2 friends i haven't seen in years (0/2)

Creativity:

44. learn how to use my DSLR camera and then use it exclusively
45. learn how to edit photos with photoshop
46. learn how to operate flip camcorder and make videos with the girls
47. get a personalized blog template
48. set up a crafting area
49. restart learning to sew
50. make a gift for each family member next christmas
51. start writing a book

Money:

52. reopen ebay store
53. have ebay items all listed by back to school time
54. cut back on shopping for girl's clothes by at the least half
55. pay off credit cards, charge nothing to already paid off cards (2/4)
56. open savings accounts for both girls (0/2)
57. cut back on usual spending next christmas
58. start saving for a fun family "luxury" item

Cooking:

59. have home cooked dinners 5x per week
60. bake with the girls 1x per month
61. host meal for extended family
62. grow an herb garden and use fresh herbs when cooking

Techy Stuff:

63. set up my itouch
64. set up ipod for the girls
65. save all pictures, music, patterns and documents to portable hard drive

back to the daily grind...

2010-01-03T15:36:00.005-05:00

we're home from our little vacation. as i figured the mess we left waited for our return. how nice. so now it's time to get back to "operation purge and reorganize". it's apropos for the new year i suppose...if i hadn't just done this same thing a few months ago. this time though i'm doing it a bit differently. for example completely emptying the girls room and returning things one at a time. i'm doing a little bit of rearranging to let the girls better utilize their space.

and, and, and...i have some great ideas for giving everyone a little cubby they can call their own. i'm pretty excited about the possibilities. it's a must really as we are space challenged. mr. h works from home and is starting college classes this week so he needs an "office". the girls each would love to have their own "office space" too, with desks, bethany reminds me. as for me, i would love a little area to have my "creative space". ok this gives the impression that i'm actually a bit crafty. but really i'm only a crafty wannabe. with crafty ADD.

with the new year, the new arrangements and all, i'm thinking of new changes for my blog. i'm no dooce but i've been blogging long enough that it's kind of a hobby now. so eventually i'll work on that. one thing that is coming up soon and i'm pretty excited about is "65 in 365" which a bunch of my friends are doing. coming up with 65 things to do, goals, etc. in the next 365 days. it's the "new" new year's resolution!

in case you are wondering...no i haven't found me camera yet. ugh! this is starting to annoy me. it's gotta be somewhere in all of this *stuff*. i'm glad that i had no plans to share "before" pictures of "operation purge and reorganize". really it's too shameful. but i do plan on sharing the end results. that is if i ever get to the end results. and the christmas pictures. ugh. ugh. ugh.

ok so i've realized that the only purpose of this rambling blog post is to avoid to mess that awaits me. guess i better get to work. really it was so darn nice of all that stuff to wait on me. i'll be on the lookout for the camera, y'all be on the lookout for pictures and my "65 in 365"!

farewell to a legend...

2010-01-01T20:00:00.000-05:00

as y'all know i'm a florida gator fan through and through. mr. h is a florida state seminole fan through and through. surprisingly, it's never become too ugly.

but if you are a college football fan and live in florida, it's inevitable that you respect bobby bowden, the seminole's coach. he has so many accomplishments. i won't list them here, but just know he is legendary! he was a head coach prior to joining the florida state seminoles but i do believe he'll always be known as that coach-he started coaching them in 1976!

today we had the honor of watching his final game, the gator bowl playing the west virginia mountaineers. the seminoles showed up in awesome form and bobby ended his amazing career with a win! and tears, lots of tears...including mine. dadgummit as bobby would say.

farewell bobby bowden, likely the most legendary coach of NCAA football. even i will miss his legacy.

what a fine mess i've gotten myself into...

2009-12-30T13:32:00.011-05:00

literally. a big ole mess. so messy i don't even know where to start. so instead i'll just sit and blog about it. that's the best way to deal with anything overwhelming right? just ignore it!

what makes all of this all the more stressful is that mr. h and i are going out of town...tomorrow. i am so not a good traveler. packing isn't bad. getting the pets taken care of isn't too bad-daisy the princess pug is going with the girls, the kittens are going to the kitty hotel (i had a feeling someone might sneak them to the pound while i was gone. i know what the pound does to kittens. that plan is thwarted!) and the big boys and tortoise are staying home. but i have this crazy obsession that the house should be spotless before we leave. why? i mean we're not even going to be here. it's some trait that i inherited from my mom. which is a cruel trick because i'm a neatnik trapped in a packrat's body. so, the house is not going to be spotless-it's an impossible thing. you'll understand why in a moment. and that causes me stress. i also don't do well on long car trips-i prefer flying. the jetson's had little flying vehicles so why don't we? once i arrive at the destination, i have fun. so there's that.

i'm still on the look out for my camera. the house is a disaster-i'm still getting to that. but i have a feeling that it's not here. that likely means it's at my parents house where i last used it. maybe the car? who knows. hope it's *somewhere* as i really took tons of pictures. and it would be nice to have for our trip. sigh.

ok so the disaster. seriously bad. the girls are messy. and they have stuff. and we don't have a lot of space. and they share a room. and these are not good things. it amazes me how quickly they can trash their room, but can't put it back together. it is overwhelming, i get that. so i'm the one who cleans their room. when i do it i always incorporate a major purge session, find a place for everything and put everything in it's place. and i just did this not too long ago. my efforts last, oh, about an hour or two.

prior to christmas it was near impossible to open the door. and the floor? well it was missing. gone. "girls, go clean your room" was often followed by weeping, wailing and the gnashing of teeth. and it never happened. my goal was to head in there with trash bags and get to work so that when the got their new loot from christmas their room would be ready. except i didn't do it. i guess i was busy...reading blogs and books, napping and getting ready for christmas.

so the other day i decided it's time. which probably wasn't time because there's christmas stuff everywhere and mt. laundry and all that. but bad call or not...we started. instead of me trying to maneuver around the disaster zone of a room, i had the great idea to have the girls start bringing stuff out into the living room. thinking as they bring it out little by little i would be standing by with my trash bag. it was working well. the room was completely emptied out-and there was in fact still a floor. i'm sure it was overjoyed as it was vacuumed all nice and pretty.

eventually i ran out of steam, and was dismayed to see that our living room now looked like their bedroom had but even worse with all of their new christmas loot. which by the way, are my kids the only kids who must open up every package, take out all of the gazillion pieces to not play with really, just to go to the next-lather, rinse and repeat? this made me really cranky as i see zhu zhu pet parts and mindflex thingies all over the place, having no idea what goes with what and the game boxes missing. ugh! if only they understood what santa and mama had to do to get those must have hot toys of the season. and darn it, i still haven't gotten to see the zhu zhu hamsters in action. i think i'll just get my own. hmpf! i really want jillie, the cute little pink and white girl. ok i'm getting off topic aren't i?

back to the pretty bedroom...the girls set up a spot for their american girls-they got little armoir/vanities for julie and felicity which i hope will help keep everything together and free up room in the toybox, etc. and little by little we start moving toys in. i see a bit of a love triangle happening though as edward is running off on horseback with taylor swift...bella is so not going to be happy. i'm not sure where bella is. maybe she's off playing with the zhu zhu hamsters.

the point of all of this is that this time tomorrow we will be on our way to jacksonville to see bobby bowden coach his last game. i'm not a seminole fan, but i can appreciate that he has a legacy and mr. h admires him...so for one day i'll pretend. but there is no way and i mean no way that the house is going to be in spotless condition which again is a must whenever i travel. this causes me great stress. heck i don't even know if i can manage to get the girls and the puggy princess packed up for their vacay at mammie and papa's house at this point. which reminds me that i need to do an emergency load of laundry. oy. and knowing our luck some robber is going to break in, trip over the junk that's everywhere, and then sue us for personal injury and likely win the case.

i guess that i'm going to have to make it a xanax moment and just go with the flow. and i'll make sure the kitchen sink is emptied and shiny. that flylady woman would be so proud!

sometime next year, 2010, (wow how weird does that sound? we really should have personal little flying vehicles by now) i'll hopefully have found the camera and share our christmas photos. i'll find a place for everything and put everything in it's place. and we have some really great ideas for maximizing our space and redecorating. i got a beautiful new bed set and bathroom set! and some of my online friends are participating in "project 65 in 365" which sounds like a great way to give me some goals and stuff for the new year! stay tuned...

can we talk?

2009-12-28T13:50:00.008-05:00

at this point my camera is still missing in action. but i do promise to share our christmas pictures...soon!

while we wait, i'd like to ask a question. please know that i'm not trying to be controversial. the question is about Jesus and something i learned this year. i'm writing this to ask for your input. i do hope to write quite a bit about my journey of spirituality in the coming new year. but this post, again is a question that is on my mind, and i am having a hard time finding people willing to talk about this or explain it to me. i will admit that my journey of spirituality has led me down some non-traditional paths. but most importantly i do believe in Jesus and that he is the Savior who has saved a wretch even like me.

my absolute favorite day of the year is christmas eve. i absolutely love the feeling of magic and anticipation of that night. awaiting santa's arrival. and imagining the what it was like when Jesus was born. i go outside on christmas eve night and look into the sky seeing the brightest star which i imagine is the star of bethlehem. i imagine the three wisemen on their journey to meet this new child, our Savior.

it all plays beautifully in my head, until now, where the magical music is interrupted by a scratch from the record player. (you do remember those right?). i learned something this season that i didn't know and had never heard before in my 35 years. that Jesus possibly, probably, was not born on christmas. i don't remember where i first read about this but i did and in fact read it in several different places.

not wanting to believe this, i did a little online research and apparently it is true that many theologians believe that Jesus was likely not born on christmas but rather sometime in the spring. the church at the time apparently picked the date to correspond with the timing of the winter solstice. i have heard that many of our christian traditions are somewhat based on older pagan traditions. and that doesn't bother me at all.

but for some reason, the thought that Jesus was possibly not born on christmas does bother me. it's called "Christ" "mas" and how often have we heard "He is the reason for the season"...not too mention all of the beautiful christmas carols that sing of the birth of this child and give the impression of a wintery season. maybe this shouldn't trouble me at all, Jesus was born and we should celebrate that-of course. i will admit though that this past christmas eve, it was different for me. and i really was sad about this.

what do you believe? does this make anyone else sad? or should it not matter at all? looking forward to your thoughts about this.

please excuse this snarky moment...

2009-12-26T20:13:00.016-05:00

i hope everyone had a wonderful christmas! we really did. in the midst of exhaustion my mom and i sat and thought about it and agreed that this seemed like one of the best christmas celebrations we've had. i do love the season and look forward to it all year long. i have to confess though that when it's done, i'm done. i like to get the house back to normal and everything put away quickly. we were light on decorations this year so that's good. but as i look at the loot we've all acquired...that is going to be a challenge. my camera is lost among said loot, hopefully it'll turn up soon and i can share pictures of our day. and i can't wait to see all of your pictures!

ok so for the snark. and if this applies to any of you, well, i'm sorry. *sort of* but really i hope that instead it will change your way of thinking. =)

now i don't mind if anyone decides to have santa as part of their christmas traditions or not, that is totally an individual choice. in fact i do enjoy learning about everyone's different traditions. there is just one little thing that really annoys me and i've got to let it out.

some people worry about santa "getting credit" for giving gifts, especially the big gifts. what?! say again?! this is about the silliest thing i've heard. and as petty as *i* think it is, i've heard/read about a handful of people who actually worry about this. seriously.

now i love to give gifts, love it! probably a little too much. it's never occurred to me that santa is raining on my parade. when i give gifts i'm only thinking about how happy (hopefully) the recipient is going to be. and if santa is giving great gifts too, that is awesome. in the end doesn't it all work itself out? isn't the effort going to be realized? i totally think it will.

i do apologize for this snarky moment. if it had come up once i'd just said to myself "how silly" and moved on. but as i've mentioned, it's come up quite a few times. as if we don't have enough truly troubling things in life to worry about? and where is the christmas spirit?

not only do i believe in santa, but i get caught up in his magic too. santa always brings us the best gifts!

merry christmas!

2009-12-24T10:57:00.003-05:00

to all of my blog friends-old and new...merry christmas! can't wait to hear all about your christmas celebrations! and i've been taking pictures, so that's a good thing! may you eat, drink and be merry...christmas eve is my favorite day of the year!

i think these guys are great-enjoy!

a little snippet of my year...

2009-12-22T14:02:00.002-05:00

a christmas funny

2009-12-22T13:15:00.003-05:00

when i saw this on my friend stephanie's blog, i just knew i had to swipe it and share. be sure to check out stephanie's blog at the huntley home! hope this makes you giggle just like it did me, =)...

"Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take my fake man down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories. But two things made me take it down.

First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.

Second, an elderly lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was only one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard."

The Christmas Edition of the Simple Woman's Daybook, Monday December 21

2009-12-21T15:40:00.008-05:00

Outside my window... chilly for florida, the leaves on my favorite tree are turning to orange and brown colors and i'm loving every moment of it.

I am thinking... that i have a lot to do this week.

I am thankful for... mr. h who has been such a help this season.

I am wearing... lands end striped jammies that remind papa of the clothes they issue in prison LOL.

I am remembering... how much fun it was being a kid in northeast ohio at this time of year with lots and lots of snow.

I am going... to the post office to mail some packages (maybe in my jammies-they are so comfy!).

I am currently reading... i'm in between books and catching up on reading blogs.

I am hoping... that i will get everything that needs to be done by christmas eve done.

On my mind... Jesus and how i am so in love with Him.

Noticing that... after much prayer the post-cancer and treatment pains are not as bad lately.

Pondering these words... "loyalty, gratitude and commitment".

From the kitchen... cookies and a gingerbread house we'll be making soon.

Around the house... trying to purge as much as possible before the girls end up with new loot on christmas. and feeling confident that i will conquer mt. laundry while they are on christmas break.

One of my favorite things... the anticipation and magic of christmas eve.

From my picture journal... a photo that my friend cindy created of my girls with snow.

the christmas story

2009-12-20T12:00:00.004-05:00

this video was made by my friend wendy's husband and includes her two sweet sons-they are the brothers who are together in the video-you can't miss them... they are the two adorably handsome guys and quite funny too! you can meet the whole family here .

enjoy!

great oprah magazine deal!

2009-12-17T18:19:00.003-05:00

are you a fan of oprah? you can get a whole year of her "O" magazine for only $5! the offer is good through 12/19.

check it out at amazon- "O" magazine deal

enjoy!

i have got to stop slacking...(and whoa do i foresee trouble)

2009-12-12T19:54:00.018-05:00

seriously. i mean i am a total slacker about lots of things-and i'm ok with that. one thing i've been pretty good at though is capturing moments with the camera. yep, i usually take pictures aplenty. i don't make those cute scrapbooks, that would be way too much work. thanks to mammie, kelley and bethany do have their own photo albums. though with the digital age i'm lucky to get prints made. in fact the summer i was sick i actually caught up with five years of pictures into each album. lately though i just plain suck. even when i manage to take pictures i haven't blogged them, uploaded to facebook, nothing. if i don't change my ways, the next current pictures you all see may be when the girls are teenagers. (oh holey crow, one day we're going to have two teenage daughters...at the same time!)

so really i need to get busy. for example i mentioned my complete lack of recording kelley's concert last night. and there was no excuse! i even have one of those flip video camera thingies. well i haven't opened it and figured it out yet. see? slacker.

what has me thinking of this now though is bethany. i can't tell you how many times i gaze at that child and try to figure out how i helped create her! forgive me for this, but you all will understand...cause aren't all of our children just gorgeous? yes they are. bethany. wow. long naturally curly hair, big blue eyes and teeny tiny. not a freckle on her face. really i'm thinking mr. heather gets A LOT of credit here. and she has this style about her. when i was her age, picture chubby, freckles, ugly dresses from kmart (sorry mammie and papa), and likely a kinky poodle curl perm. not to leave kelley out, because she is way too pretty for me to not be wowed when i get to claim helping create her as well. each day they are growing more and more into these cute little sassy girls. and i'm so *proud* to be their mommy.

so bethany today... gosh i wished i had snapped a picture of her before she left today with her papa. a cute little skort outfit which she was all legs in. a snow cap (yes in florida) perched perfectly on her head of curls. pink clogs. i'm just giggling now thinking about how darn cute she looked! and kicking myself for being such a slacker. fortunately she puts together these cute little outfits all the time so i will take some pictures someday soon. and of kelley, too. kelley's style is a bit more sophisticated and she's got a cute new haircut.

and back to that teenager thing? mr. heather and i are going to be in so much trouble!

if i could save time in a bottle...

2009-12-12T09:03:00.003-05:00

gosh time is moving so fast! is it just me or do you all feel that life is whizzing by way too quickly? it seems worse during the holiday season. every year there are so many things i want to do for christmas and every year the day comes and goes before i'm ready for it. this year is proving to be no exception.

y'all we haven't even decorated! that is terrible. usually we decorate the weekend after thanksgiving. we had decided this year to have a smaller tree and mr. heather was going to have a new "theme". just haven't gotten around to it yet. he also needs to replace our outside decorations as our old ones sort of croaked after last christmas. hopefully we can get it done this weekend. that's the plan anyway.

every year i intend to watch "it's a wonderful life". i've never seen it, i have it, but again time rushes by before i have a chance to sit and watch it. maybe i will actually accomplish that goal this year. we'll see.

obviously i survived the week of chaos. there were so many things scheduled that it made my head spin. i did reschedule a doctor's appointment because school snuck in another early release day. (which i have to complain is getting ridiculous!) despite that we added in another school function with kelley's chorus and chimes concert last night.

i wish we'd recorded the concert as it was really good! it was so nice-they had real christmas carols instead of made up "holiday" songs. is christmas coming back en vogue? i hope so. it was getting out of hand if you ask me, especially when the christmas tree box was labeled "holiday tree". but i digress...

kelley did really great! but seeing her up there with all of the other kids made me realize how tiny she is. it seemed like she's atleast half a foot, if not more, shorter than everyone else. between that and her quiet nature i'm always afraid she's going to get pushed around. she does hold her own pretty well though. thinking that she's going to middle school next year just blows my mind!

seriously, time is going by way too quickly!

i've got to brag...just a little!

2009-12-09T14:04:00.008-05:00

if you know me then you know that i've never been considered domesticated in any way. for example, cooking. i rarely do it. i'm not sure why, i actually do enjoy it and my family has convinced me i'm not half bad at it. and now all of us have the advantage of the pioneer woman's new cookbook, she totally makes cooking fun and easy.

the brag, my success? well i can say that the pioneer woman doesn't get any credit. nope. none. it's all me!

last night was the big dinner for kelley's class. you know the one that we were supposed to make a dish that represented our heritage. i'm a mutt. i have no heritage. so i stressed a bit on what i should make. and decided to make the dish that i make best, my stuffed shells. i learned how to make them when i was 12 or 13. my recipe is long gone and i just make them without any recipe or rules. i tweak them here or there. and really it's not a hard thing to make at all. but when it comes to my heritage, i am pretty sure i don't have much italian in me at all. which is a shame because it's my favorite food and italy is number one on my countries i'd like to visit.

but still, i was nervous. i've never cooked for a group before. let alone a group of people i hardly know. as we sat the dish down on the serving table my heart kind of sunk as there was a big pot of spaghetti and tray of lasagna. how on earth were my little shells going to stand out and compete?

we were towards the end of the serving line. and the italian dishes were at the far end of the table. i about fell over from shock! when we made our way to the shells, they were ALL GONE! there was still spaghetti and lasagna...but no shells. wow!

however, maybe they just looked good. what if the people who scooped them up didn't like them? this made me even more nervous. that is until they started raving about the stuffed shells. i blushed. and i beamed. me...undomesticated me. had the most popular dish there. and let me tell you...there was some good food, real down home cooking type of food.

so i'm totally stoked! and this actually makes me want to cook more. funny if i cooked at all, it would be cooking more. as for my stuffed shells recipe? well it's hidden away in my mind and i've decided i better just keep it that way. ha-ha i have a secret recipe! now that's funny!

bullet tuesday

2009-12-08T13:01:00.003-05:00

this week is way too busy hence the bullet post.
i have no idea how i used to live, work, take care of the kids, do it all.
now just the thought that i have to go to a few places this week has me wigged out.
i'm sort of glad that the blogging challenge is over.
did any of you win a nablopomo prize?
i miss you all, i have over 400 unread blog entries in google reader.
told you it's a busy week.
i can't wait til the weekend, things will be calmer then, i hope.
there are a few topics that i really want to blog about, can't wait til i have the time to do it.
we haven't decorated for christmas yet. no christmas music yet. no snow...ever darn it.
one thing i did do is have the girls make an "advent calendar" of sorts. they colored paper then cut into strips to make a paper chain. on the blank side we each wrote down something we are thankful for. i numbered the chains and we rip one off every night and share what's written inside.
tonight kelley's class has a dinner and we each get to cook something. it's supposed to be something that represents our ethnic heritage. but i have no idea "what" i am. for the sake of the dinner i'm claiming italian and bringing stuffed shells. my family loves them, so hopefully the class, parents and teachers will too.
i found some "hot" toys to sell on ebay, not hot as in stolen LOL! now i'm wondering why i bought them when i'm claiming to be so busy. hopefully i will actually list them, so far i have pictures uploaded.
still doing lots of shopping though, i love to give! much better than to receive i think.
been so busy i've only heard bits about tiger woods. enough to determine that he's an ass! i guess he's paying his wife to stay with him for 7 years? $80 million? why? i mean he must not care much for her if he had as many mistresses as they are saying. unless it's "cheaper to keep her". she is such a pretty woman, the hussies aren't pretty. guess it's not always about looks.
on another note, i have still not found any homes for the kittens. i don't get it, all the work is done and they are cute. i looked at the competing ads and one said that the mama disappeared and the babies aren't old enough to be weaned and need to be bottle fed around the clock. the other ad claimed the kittens still needed some taming. yikes! my little orphans should be the ones people want. not sure what i'm going to do...
ok so now you know what's on my mind this week. if you don't see me, take pity on me for being runned ragged.

um. so it happened AGAIN!

2009-12-01T23:59:00.001-05:00

remember mr. h's ongoing problems with catching "V" on tv? well, apparently tonight was the night and mr. h was off from work. there was nothing getting between him and his show right? wrong. the president sure didn't win any brownie points with mr. h tonight.

in other news, as you can tell, i'm under construction here. eventually i want to get a custom blog. i thought it might be fun to have festive themes for now though. the first one i tried (penguins) didn't quite work out. there was no place to log in and make blog posts. that wasn't going to work. i do like 3 column blogs, but not sure about this set up. i'll have to spend some time tomorrow making it look less barren and more balanced. right now i feel a bit lop-sided.

well...

2009-12-01T12:55:00.006-05:00

so now what? nablopomo is over and i admit i'm feeling a little lost. hmmm...

in other news, i'm a bit crabby today. i just had a big bowl of chocolate ice cream with hershey's syrup on top. i'm hoping this will keep the crabby mood from progressing to a stabby mood. it's one of those girl things.

there was a post card in the mail today from UPS, addressed to my cat. well the first name was misspelled, but the last name was right. and for good measure they included (feline) with the name. the reason for the post card? well, my cat's medication has to be delivered and UPS stated they couldn't deliver the package because there was no such address on it.

with so many things wrong with this whole scenario i don't even know where to start. the post card informed me that i could pick the package up at their office with proper photo ID. or they would return to sender tomorrow. the office is an hour away, so really do i want to drive to pick it up? nope. and photo ID? the package is addressed to a cat! will my photo ID work? cause it's not addressed to me. and goodness gracious please don't send it back, my cat needs the medication!

so i call UPS and explain all of this. and i have to ask..."ma'am the address that is on the post card is correct, is that the same address on the package that had no such address? because i did receive the post card just fine". "well yes" she said, "but the post card was sent through the regular mail not UPS". uh huh, ok but this tells me that the address on the package was correct and really was deliverable. she had a hard time grasping what i was trying to say.

okie dokie.

she says they will try to deliver it again tomorrow. i assure her that the UPS man that delivers here really should know us, as i do shop online, like totally way too much.

i guess i'll have to wait and see if i get the package tomorrow.

nablopomo...the last day!

2009-11-30T15:21:00.006-05:00

here it is the last day of the nablopomo challenge and i made it!

i can't decide if the challenge was hard or not. blogging isn't hard at all and it's something i enjoy. but when there was a bit of responsibility tacked on it did become harder. making sure i remembered to blog every day. and figuring out what to blog about, now that really was the challenge i think. some days i admit the pickins were slim, but other days more than made up for them.

it's been fun y'all! reading the blogs of everyone else who was participating in nablopomo...not only did i find some cool new blogs to read, but i got to know y'all better!

on another note, i'm happy to share that i was awarded more bloggy awards! knowing that people are actually reading what i write is cool! and when i get comments i'm totally excited!! awards? i'm thrilled to get those!!!

these days... and R.A.W. Chronicles both gave me the Heartfelt Blogger Award! thanks so much to both of you!!! be sure to click on their blog names to check out their blogs!

i'm wishing all of you a happy, joyous and blessed holiday season! and to end nablopomo, i'll leave you with this sweet commercial i saw...

*believe*

paisley-place

And the beat goes on...

Bad Season

I'm back...with a Friday confession

Deadbeat.

Home Ec...it's not just for high school anymore!

Sometimes snarky moments come from sadness and disappointment.

So I tried something new...for the girls only!

Beautiful perfection...

It was a bad burn...

Stream of rambles...

Bringing home Bethany and Hannah

The BP Oil Spill

Aloha Kai "Love of the Ocean"

Warning: No Rainbows or Butterflies Here Today

Bullet time...

Yay Kelley!

Gonna Try it Again and The Ambitions of Me.

On Memorial Day...

Heaven's new angel...

Carter...

Prayers for Carter

Letting my baby fly...

In which I stand for something and face getting voted off the island.

and now an important message...

Caught up in the hype

Thank goodness for babies...you couldn't have a Happy Mother's Day without them!

Remembering the sweetness...

Consulting a wise source about the future. Rowing my little boat down "denial". And who gave permission for my babies to grow up?

Struggling to be Stylish is an awesome blog and having an awesome giveaway!

I've gotta share this new blog I've found and her totally scent-sational giveaway!

The Plastic Bag

It's Earth Day 2010, and this is what I'm doing about it. Or green and crunchy missed me. Or I just FAIL.

Bad habits? Not anymore!

some thoughts to ponder...

Stream of Rambles...

Happy Easter

Easter Eve...

woe is me, the final episode (hopefully)

The Story of Zac Smith

bullet friday

Neighbors...

oh, woe is me...still

interruption in blog land for a *woe is me* moment, and a public service announcement

A quick thank you...

so um, health care reform, well...

owls...

my swagbucks are broken

more ways to give back and pay it forward & an update

Could you make me a recipe please?

giving back and paying it forward...

let's talk about something fun, recreating space!

heavy-hearted and honest sharing of the funk

tim tebow's super bowl commercial...

65 in 365-first month update:

bullet friday

tidbit time

Reconnecting with a friend who made me her "hero"!

my list adventure...

my tale of hair, baldness and hair again...

a mommy's tip-journals

some deals from gap and old navy! and a my points mention...

another great deal for the shopping mommy!

sharing some websites that i like

so sick of spam!

it's hard being a parent these days...

bullet thursday

stuck.

big move forward and omgosh...tv!

so about the camera...

omgosh!!! yay!!!

a kitty update and some must haves for the cat owner

happy birthday to our bethany boo!

keepin' georgia on your mind!

bittersweet.

great shoe sale for kids!

An Open Letter to Pat Robertson:

help for haiti

my spiritual journey...

10 days into the new decade, and i...

interruption in blog land for a woe is me moment, and a public service announcement

65 in 365...the new new year's resolutions!